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Thursday, October 22, 2015

Won 2015 Autumn Final Iron Writer! + C114

I won the 2015 Iron Writer Autumn Open Final, thanks to you and my friends. Also, thanks to Mathew W. Weaver...respect! He could have swamped me with votes but he didn't. He's a dude.


I'm also writing up all those Challenges I missed in the last 6 months, I now have only 8 (only!) to go...here's the latest one...:-)



Iron Writer Challenge 114 
Elements: 2015 Miss Gypsy Universe Pageant, A pick pocket contest, Hand Cymbals (the tiny ones, used between fingers), A red nose

“Come on, this has got to be better than selling socks from a bin liner,” smirked Tomi, nudging Virag in her exposed ribs.
“Not by much,” she scalded. “To think I won Miss Gypsy Universe Pageant 2015 for this. Working on the street, prancing around to the applause of Japanese tourists.” She wiped the sweat from under her arms and got ready for another dance.
“A lot of girls would’ve given their right arm for this gig!” he shouted. “But if they did, it wouldn’t’ve made such a good show. Get out there and make some money! I’m doing my bit.”
“Yeah, you’re mostly hanging around on the corner, smoking it all away,” she spat.
“What do you mean? Me and Csaba have got a contest on today!”
“What, a loping around and doing nothing competition?” They hadn’t pick pocketed anybody all day. The Boss wouldn’t be happy.
“You know the big stuff only comes out at night. Meagre pickings in the morning,” he said.
“Excuses. You wait until the Boss pops over, I bet you start working then,” she retorted.
“You watch your mouth! Now get going!”
She put on her headdress and hand cymbals and stepped out in front of the small portable display. Clicking a button, she started the music and began dancing, making sure she smiled and gave a glimpse of her alluring charms for every passer-by, whether a local or tourist. After about fifteen minutes, she took a breather and checked the ‘donations’ box. A few coins and a mint. Whoever gave a mint? She checked her breathe and ate it.
“What are you doing? Keep dancing,” said the fat man as he came closer. It was the Boss. She gave him a quick nod of her head in respect and tried not to laugh at his ludicrous red nose. He drank too much and it all concentrated into his big honker.
“Sorry, but I need a five minute break, I’ve been at it all morning,” she said.
“If you don’t start dancing right this instant, I’ll find you another place on the street, and it won’t be so classy, I can tell ya!” he grimaced.
Pushing herself up from her make-shift stool, she wiped her brow and started the music again. The Boss watched her for a while, a big smile on his face. A few tourists went by and gave a little offering. The Boss came a little closer.
“When you’re done for the day, come over, I’ve got something else for ya,” he said, grinning from ear to ear and holding his nuts. She almost puked on the spot. “Where’s that Tomi? And Csaba. They should be around here, working.”
“They’re around,” she said, enjoying the reprieve. She glanced across the square and spotted them together. Tomi didn’t look so happy. Maybe he’d already lost the pick pocket contest. He came over.
“Hey, Tomi!” The Boss gave him a strong handshake, and was surprised when Tomi stabbed him in the gut.








 





Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Iron Writer Challenges missed... C124

These last few days I've been trying to catch up with writing up some Iron Writer Challenges I missed these last six months. I made the decision to complete them for 'Dani's Shorts 5'. Then I realised how many I missed...lots! I've done 7 in the last 3 days, and have many more to go.
Here's the latest one, it was quite interesting to do, what with research and stuff :-)



Iron Writer Challenge 124 – The E. Chris Garrison Challenge 
Elements: the Grandfather Paradox, a selfie, a deck of Tarot Cards, mistaken identity

"Hello, dearie, how can I help you? Would you like me to read your palm? Or maybe have a look at your future in my crystal ball?" asked Madame LaRue Quelle as the man walked in. He looked so goddamn miserable. "Hang on, if you don't mind, I'd like a selfie with the saddest piece of shit I've ever seen." She grabbed her phone and took a shot.
"Who are you calling a piece of shit?" said the man.
"Sorry, mistaken identity. Can I help you?" she repeated.
"I'm a troubled man," he said.
"No kidding. How about a bit of fun on the ouija board?" she asked.
"Look, I just want to know something. I'm... I'm in a grandfather paradox."
"Uh-huh," she said. It takes all sorts.
"You don't believe me, do you?" he asked, getting frantic. "I'm in trouble."
"How about a Tarot card reading?" She took out her favourite deck of Tarot cards and laid three down, turning over the first. "Oh, the Queen of Cups, you know what you want."
"I was born a girl," said the man.
"What?" she said, not hearing right.
"Then I got pregnant and gave the baby away," he continued.
"Excuse me?" This man was a complete nutter.
"I also found out that I was a Hermaphrodite," he said.
"Oh." That explained a few things. His perfect choice in shoes, for one.
"Later I tried to find the baby but found out it had been taken and... disappeared. I mean, completely. No trace," he said.
"Ah-ha." This one might be a long twenty bucks.
"Then, I decided to live my life as a man and after some bad relationships, I found myself in a bar, talking to a man about my problems. He said he could make it all better," he went on.
"I wish," she said. Why her?
"He had a time machine. He sent me back and I found a girl who liked me, and we had a baby, then the man disappeared with the baby."
Things were getting really complicated.
"And now I'm confused. I just met me, the same me before the time machine. I had the same conversation with him as that man had with me. I think I need to follow him back. I think I need to take the baby and send it back in time... to my birth," he said.
"Okay, now that's some really messed up shit. What you're saying is that not only are you 'you', but you are the 'man', the 'girl' and the 'baby' as well? Because of this time machine?" she asked.
"Yes," he said, smiling. "You understand!"
"I think I do," she said. "I'm quite intelligent, you know." She scratched her head. "There's a problem, though."
"Yes, I know. What happens now?" he asked.
"No, that's not the problem," said said. "If this is all true, you were never born to start with."
And with that he disappeared into thin air.
"Damn. No twenty bucks," she said.


Saturday, October 17, 2015

WQ 138 + The Final ! + #FREE Spectacular Tales II !!!

The Autumn Open Final is still on!
Who has the best 500 words out of the three of us? Me? Go see :-)
"There's Danger in that Arena"...
http://theironwriter.com/the-iron-writer-challenge-130-2015-autumn-equinox-open-final-round/

 AND "Spectacular Tales II" is out on Smashwords...for FREE...yes, free, all those yummy, scrummy, succulent short stories in one book! Plus a sci-fi from me :-)
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/585746




Also did my usual weekly Weekend Quickie, 200 words with 3 elements...nice one :-)
What do you think? Sometimes I get comments, you know :-)

...PLUS...Dani's Shorts 5 will be out soon :-) This time around, I didn't get round to doing every weekly challenge (missed about 15 or 16 of them, hell) but I had other things to write, really..."All For Love", some short stories for anthologies, editing books, thinking up "How to 2"...anyway...Weekend Quickie 138...





WQ 138 – image of person working in a laboratory, angst, occupational hazard

As a scientist, my long, suffering life is full of angst. It wouldn't be complete without it. I have the hope that I will eventually find what I am looking for, something which cannot be explained, something that cannot be disproved, something which will mystify the masses and endure the envy of my fellow peers. One day I may do all these things, but when, where, what, and how? The answers to those questions are beyond me. When this seemingly impossible task will be complete, then, and only then can I rest. As I deal with formulae, theories, experiments, chemicals, catalysts and observations, collecting all the information and data I can find, and cramming them into my calculating mind, watching them swish around together in my brain soup of conclusions until something occurs, forgetting normal things like eating, sleeping, remembering anniversaries, taking the trash out, and feeding the dog become occupational hazards. The mediocre of life is discarded for the inspiring, the intriguing thoughts which fill my mind as I work and...
"Hey, Bob! Have you finished with those urine samples yet?" asked Dave, my boss.
"Yeah, sure. The results are over there, on your desk."
Now, where was I...?