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Saturday, September 17, 2016

WQ197 + news

So close to 200 Quickies! How many quickies have you ever 'done'? Now there's a question...

News... waiting on a ton of anthologies for some news, maybe I'll have a story in, maybe not. My new novel is now in the 'editing' process. And working on Niume...https://niume.com/pages/profile/?userID=17429

But now...!



WQ197 - Image of two people with gas masks, improvise, deprivation, great urgency
http://theironwriter.com/the-iron-writer-challenge-weekend-quickie-197/

"I can't see the words," said Harry, holding the empty box. "I need reading glasses, and with this goddamn mask on, I can't wear them."
"What?" asked Sally.
"What?" replied Harry. "I can't read the instructions with this on! How do we test for gas?"
"Left my gas? This isn't my doing, Harry! I swear I didn't have lentils today!" said Sally.
"You think of something! You're the dutiful one!" Harry threw the box on the ground.
"Oh, Harry, I really can't take your sarcasm anymore! You know I'm not beautiful! I'm as ugly as mud!" said Sally.
"Fake your orgasm? Why bring that up?" asked Harry.
"Look, I'm going to improvise! I'll take my gas mask off and take a small breath!" said Sally, doing just that with great urgency.
"What? A small death? I believe the French call it 'the little death'," remarked Harry, watching as Sally fell to the floor and began to wiggle and writhe on the ground. With the deprivation of oxygen, Sally gave a few last grunts, rolled her eyes and lay still, dead.
"Yes, yes, that's what my second ex was like, really. So she was faking it, eh?" asked Harry. "What a bitch."



Saturday, September 10, 2016

WQ196 + Niume update

Niume is going well, almost 1000 readers after a post or two a day for two weeks. Readers, need readers. And reviews. Need reviews.
Oh look! Weekend Quickie 196!
http://theironwriter.com/the-iron-writer-challenge-weekend-quickie-196/
And here's mine...


WQ196 - image above, the fear of rejection, something brand new, a playground

My local playground got a brand new slide and I had to try it. Watching the others going down and squealing with joy created an urge inside of me to fly down its long, smooth green plastic chute, an urge which overwhelmed me when I first saw it. But once perched at the top of the ladder, looking down, fear held me in place. Sweat rolled down my back.
The kids behind started screaming and shouting, pushing me, kicking me, their mums and dads looking on at me, disapprovingly, shaking their heads. I couldn't do it! I couldn't! I was a coward, a jerk, no one would talk to me ever again! They'd reject me and I would never be able to show my face, doomed for the rest of my days, stuck in front of the screen playing XBox games and watching reruns of my favourite TV shows. Never to see the light of the day! Never to be able to make friends with anyone again!
"Aw, come on, Dad!" said my eight year old son, Tommy, looking up from the bottom and holding my telephone to record a video. "You're in the way! Let go of the rails!"

Saturday, September 3, 2016

WQ195 + Niume

I'm trying out this new community website, Niume, and it seems to be going well. If those are 'real' readers, the future looks bright.
If you want to join this good looking place, please use my personal referral link when registering...I'm a poor writer, come on! :-) Then make one post... one... and you get a dollar!
https://niume.com/?ambassadorID=17429

But now.. it's Weekend Quickie time!
See the rest over here...
http://theironwriter.com/the-iron-writer-challenge-weekend-quickie-195/
...but here's mine!


195 – image of a hundred dollar bill in the grass, a small wicker basket, a canning jar, a padlock, a large praying mantis, a box turtle.


Tommy scrutinised the hundred dollar bill Max had placed in the grass.
"You sure you wanna bet that? Your Grandma gave you that."
"This is a sure win," said Max. Tommy had agreed to this 'fight to the finish' because Max was such an arsehole, boasting in front of Emily, Max's sister, that his praying mantis was the strongest. It was. Twice the age and double the size. Max had a large praying mantis, no doubt about it, but Tommy couldn't let it go. So they made this bet.
Tommy took the canning jar he transported his meagre insect out from his rucksack and placed it down.
"Where's your money?" asked Max.
"You'll get it, if you win. Don't you worry." But he did. There was no way he could get one hundred dollars.
Max grinned and pulled out a small padlocked wicker basket from his rucksack. Laughing, Max took off the padlock and opened the lid. His face went white.
"What?" asked Tommy.
Pausing for a second, Max grabbed his hundred dollar bill and scarpered away. Tommy looked inside the basket and saw Emily's box turtle. She'd done a switch. Max would never hear the end of this one.

Saturday, August 27, 2016

WQ194 + Manna-X FREE

"Manna-X" is still FREE and I still need REVIEWS...20 gets me on a list, 50 gets me featured!
https://www.amazon.com/Manna-X-Dani-J-Caile-ebook/dp/B00D94CWF0

But wait! What's that? Iron Writer Weekend Quicke 194?
http://theironwriter.com/the-iron-writer-challenge-weekend-quickie-194/
Here it is!



WQ194 – A salesman, image above, a seemingly useless item, a practical application

The salesman thought he'd made a killing on the Northern Matabele tribe way out on the African plains, selling them that 5 man rowing boat, complete with oars. Sure, he'd given it with a huge discount and promised 3 years free waxing service and a 10 year guarantee (which of course was bogus), but it was better than lugging the useless thing across the dry, hot country. What made him laugh was that they were unaware that there was no 5 man rowing event in the Olympics and that their idea of being the first aboriginal African tribe to get a medal in the next Games was a pipe dream. And besides, where the hell were they going to train? He smiled all the way back to Cape Town. 
For a while, the tribe was all ready to break the World Record and show those white folks how to really row, until it dawned on them that water was needed for this sport, a lot of it, and in a very long line. Finally, Nbutu, the brains of the tribe came up with a practical application for the oars - after some cutting, reshaping and sharpening, they made pretty good spears.

Friday, August 26, 2016

FREE Manna-X + news

Yes, 'Manna-X' is yet again free for the weekend!
https://www.amazon.com/Manna-X-Dani-J-Caile-ebook/dp/B00D94CWF0
Please, please, please, please, please REVIEW it on Amazon.com.
I have 16 reviews.
If I get 20 reviews, only 4 more, then I get onto an AMAZON LIST and I'll be seen by more readers.
If I get 50 reviews, then AMAZON WILL PAY ATTENTION TO ME and start FEATURING ME!
So, please! Reviews!

News...
I won the Iron Writer Poem #12...I don't do poems, but I do Shakespearean Sonnets...I will also bring out the 5 Shakespearean plays I have murdered for my Drama class very soon...


And I jointly won Iron Writer Challenge 170, putting me again into an Open Preliminary in a few weeks time...


So, if I keep my face to the screen, who knows what will happen?



Saturday, August 20, 2016

Brexit + WQ193

Thinking about how the UK Prime Minister is SO pushing leaving the EU, all based on a referendum, WITHOUT a vote in Parliament. Strange.
Looked at some figures...
51.89% voted to leave the EU, 48.11% to stay.
From this website, I picked out the exact figures and made some percentages
(http://www.idea.int/vt/countryview.cfm?CountryCode=GB)
The complete 64,088,222 UK population...

So, does the UK REALLY want to leave the EU? Looking at that, no.

Oh, it's the Iron Writer Weekend Quickie 193!
http://theironwriter.com/the-iron-writer-challenge-weekend-quickie-193/
Must have a go...

WQ193 - image above, estranged, a beach scene snow globe, the tipping point

"Why oh why did he have to leave?" Emma cried in the rain, her back to Thelma.
"He didn't leave," she replied.
"Was it the toilet paper holder hat or the beach scene snow globe?" whined Emma. "What was it that made him leave?"
"It was the snow globe, Emma. That was definitely the tipping point of your relationship. And he didn't leave... okay, in a sense, yes."
"Oh why oh why!" cried Emma.
"Stop it, already. Can we get a move on? I'm getting saturated," said Thelma.
"I feel so alienated, so estranged!" screamed Emma."Why me? Why me?"
"You did it to yourself, Emma. It's pouring down, we're going to catch a cold if we stay out here too long."
"Oh, Thelma, what shall I do, what shall I do?" she cried.
"You can give me a hand for a start," grunted Thelma.
"But Thelma, he was my whole world, my love, my life!" she cried.
"Look, Emma, you're the one who smashed him over the head with the snow globe. Now get your arse over here and pick up the shovels. I don't want the State troopers to find us out in the woods burying your dead boyfriend."

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Rihanna Sziget 2016 + WQ192

I wasn't there, but I read about it...
"Half an hour of waiting, a dozen dancers, two ass shaking and zero atmosphere"
http://www.origo.hu/kultura/fesztival/20160812-rihanna-koncert-beszamolo-sziget-fesztival-2016-nulladik-nap.html
This link is in Hungarian because Sziget, Europe's largest annual music festival, is on Hajogyari Sziget in Budapest.
Yes, Rihanna headlined for 1 million dollars, made the 80,000+ audience that paid 70 dollars to see her wait half an hour, played 70 minutes of a 1 & 1/2 hour concert, wore only one outfit, sang a little but it could be seen that some was playback, wiggled her ass twice, had a break on stage where nothing happened, half the audience left 30 minutes in, and she finished to short, polite applause, walking off in silence.
Lovely. So nice to see people respecting Hungarians. Rihanna should give them all their money back. Of course, she'd be 4.6million out of pocket, but hey.
Oh yes, it's the Iron Writer Weekend Quickie 192! I haven't had time! Until now!
 


WQ192 - image above, Dead man walking, “Balls to the wall”, A painful but nostalgic memory

"Well, ah gotta get those 'balls to the wall'," said Uncle Ted, standing up to take his place in the queue for Charlie's barbecue.
"Eh, up, Dead man walking," cackled Auntie Maggs, as the other cronies joined in.
Uncle Ted passed the fallen Plaster of Paris Greek statue which separated the lawn from Charlie's uneven terrace where his cherished grill stood, the one now burning hamburgers and sausages. "Ah, this reminds me of the time I bought a kebab from Paki Joe's Deli on a Wednesday, before the weekly delivery. Me arse was screaming for months," moaned Uncle Ted. "Ah, but those were the days," he smiled. "I came to love that cushion." It showed on his walk.
"Come on, Uncle Ted," I said. "It can't be that bad. See? Old Uncle Bob has eaten three sausages already and he's okay."
"Ah, but he's got a secret weapon, me lad. They took 'is lower intestines out four years ago! Those sausages 'ave got less t'travel! And 'e's got his own colostomy bag!" Uncle Ted was right, there was a forced smile on Uncle Bob's face. "But don't worry, me lad, the homemade Bloody Mary Chutney will knock me out first."

And you can see other Iron Writers' takes here!
http://theironwriter.com/the-iron-writer-challenge-weekend-quickie-192/