Monday, September 29, 2014

'New' review on!

I completely missed this review on Canada's Amazon site!
Thanks, Sebastian, for this! If I remember right, you've got the 2nd book somewhere, maybe even the 3rd and 4th too!
The Canadian site...

Man by a tree

5.0 out of 5 stars A hilarious twist on religion! Feb. 26 2014
Format:Kindle Edition
A book that makes you think and laugh at the same time. With a story that had me absorbed by the end, it was difficult to put it down! A good combination of intellectualism and entertainment makes for a fun read. Definitely recommended
I am already waiting on the next book in the series to arrive in the mail!

Friday, September 26, 2014

New interview on Laura Robert's Blog!

I've got a new interview over on Laura Robert's blog!
It's a woozey! :-) Thanks, Laura!

I've also just sent in 2 fantastic stories to the Iron Writer, one for the Grudge Match 11, a collaboration with Jordan Bell, 250ish words each, and my entry for the Autumn 2014 Prelims. More on those later!
But hey! Get over to the interview!

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Long time no posts again!
Been busy the moment I'm in a completely new format TIW Grudge match, trying to wrestle with another author's ego (Jordan Bell) as well as my own. We're on our 2nd (3rd?) attempt at creating a collaboration 500 word story with some insane elements. We might get lucky.
I'm also now waiting on 3...yes, 3 anthologies, two from Three Fate Press and 1 from the Indie Collaboration. I have no idea whether any piece will be published yet.
Still waiting on the cover artist of "How to build a castle in seven easy steps" reply...apparently I am 'impatient'...if I'd self-published the book would've been out now...but I'd be in the wilderness. Better to wait. It's an 'epic'. If anyone catches on to that fact, "Hello fame, hello fortune"..yeah, right...the action of writing something which might make a change is the reason I'm doing this...
There should also be a fantastic new little interview somewhere...though I can't find it ATM...perhaps the person forgot to post it.


Thursday, September 18, 2014

When TIWs get together...The Mirror

Yeah, I won TIW Challenge 81! The popular vote got it for me, as it was evens-Stevens after the judge vote...I know who hates me now...won't be saying 'hello' to that one for a I'm in the Autumn Open :-)

C81 J1 J2 J3 J4 PV Total
A Bear in the Woods - Dani J Caile 2 1 3 1 1 1 9
House of the Golden Slayer - Laura Roberts 1 3 1 2 3 3 13
Mamma and Papa's House - M. D. Pitman 3 2 2 3 2 2 14
Little Schiz-pot - Neal Sayatovich 4 4 4 4 4 4 24

And today, a TIW impromtu relay 'just happened' :-) Both myself, Mathew W Weaver and Christopher A Liccardi (Mathew started this one) had a go at another of Jordan Bell's facebook profile pictures, a particularly 'scary' one in a steamed up mirror...that guy has more profile pictures than...than...anyone I know :-) Here's the result (well, it went on a little further, but here's my punchline :-))

The Mirror 
(Impromtu relay 18 Sept 2014)
Mathew W. Weaver
The muzzle was still warm when he laid it down on the sink. The metal hit the ceramic with a clang loud enough to make a normal man jump, any man with the nerves of jelly after what he had just done. But this was no normal man.
Dani J Caile
No normal man at all. His reflection in the mirror seemed foggy and...distant. Who was that person staring back at him? Those eyes, that nose, the lack of hair on the top of his head were all so familiar and yet...
Jordan Bell 
Uh oh. Here we go again!
Christopher A Liccardi
Strangely different. He had been wearing another face the last time he looked at his reflection. It was a woman this time. She was pretty, or had been, blonde and naive. Her first mistake was to open the door when the bell rang at...
Dani J Caile
...two minutes til the witches' hour. How was she to know that keeping awake at that hour procrastinating with her buddies on facebook would lead her to such a violent and lethal fate? The hynoptising trancelike backbeat of a Justin Bieber song still rang deep in his mind.
Mathew W. Weaver
It was all so confusing. He leaned over and gripped the edges of the sink tightly, his knuckles whitening. He breathed out, glanced at the mirror, and looked away. His gaze fell on his hands. In the dim light and the steam off the shower, he could barely make them out. Were they thick, burly red sausages or slim, dainty white feminine digits?
Dani J Caile
Shaking his head, his vision cleared and he breathed a sigh of relief. His manly hand , strained and tense, grasped the thin long ungrilled vienna virsli he'd taken in those last stressful moments of the struggle. But that face...?
Christopher A Liccardi
 and those memories; flashes another persons life. He was an intruder in those things he saw. Each familiar, but each one glaringly not his own. He wasn't going to have them long. He needed to feed again... and soon. This time he was thinking about that writer who had run into him in the Stop and Save parking lot. What an...
Dani J Caile
...absolute waste of pen and paper, those King clone scribbles he'd noticed over his shoulder. It would be a blessing to the world if that writer was his next victim.
Mathew W. Weaver
 And then, with that thought, everything became so much more clearer. The throbbing headache faded and his vision, inexplicably clouded again, spontaneously cleared. He saw the blood on his hands. He saw the pistol within grasp. He knew what he needed to do....
Dani J Caile
Go and grill those vienna virsli!

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Dani's Shorts 3 hits 100+ free downloads!

Finally! DS3 goes over 3 figures...even for free it's difficult for an unknown writer to get their books is another matter...reviewed is even harder.
DS3 on Smashwords...
DS3 on Amazon...
The highest ranking was No. 9626 in the Free Kindle Store...small steps...

A few TIW things going on...
Challenge 81 is still on, and I'll  be in Grudge 11, a special one, later...later...oh, soon...:-)

Monday, September 15, 2014

Dani's Shorts 3 FREE on Amazon!

Yes, I made 'Dani's Shorts 3' available for FREE on Amazon for the next 4 days. If you prefer to download it from there, here's the link...
A review would be nice, too :-)
Of course, it's always FREE on Smashwords, but it's not so Kindle-friendly I guess...
Trying to get to 100 downloads...yes, I know it's not much, but it's another small step.

Challenge 81 is still on until THursday, so if you really think you know which story is mine...the funny one...then please vote :-)

Sunday, September 14, 2014

My take on TIW 82 :-)

Someone had the idea of changing their 'tagwords' on KDP Amazon to match the famous writer their work is close I added Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett...they didn't allow me to put Dan Brown...too many misleading hits, apparently...I think the Brown Mafia have something to do with it. Let's see what that does....

And yes, here's my version of TIW Challenge 82, another 'marital strife' type dialogue
...if you haven't voted for my story in Challenge 81, please do's the solemn funny one....

The Brother

TIW Challenge 82

(4 elements - A Arnold Schwarzenegger Commando Action Figure, A New (10th) Circle of Hell (meaning you have to make it up and give it a title), The Dunning Kruger Effect, Perfume Atomizer)

She came in, spraying her perfume atomizer around the room. Someone was coming round. Who was it?
"I've told you a thousand times, my work doesn't smell." I sealed the box up and put my collection of Amblytelus ground beetles away into their particular drawer.
"I don't care. I hate those things. Smell or no smell, I think they're disgusting."
"It's my work, dear, my field of expertise." To make her feel more at ease, I opened the window to let some fresh air in.
"My brother will be here soon, so take those joggy bottoms of yours off and put on something more…respectable."
"Your brother? But that's the second time this month? What does he want now? More money?" I checked my wallet, making sure there was enough to cover such a visit.
"Brian! How dare you! He's my brother. If he needs money, then we can help him out."
"Why doesn't he get a job?"
"Brian!" She rushed across the room, spraying her perfume atomizer along the furniture and the sofa, only to find her supply running out.
"Well, he thinks he knows everything!"
"You know he's unskilled…"
"Yes, but he's always ready to tell me what's right and what's wrong, isn't he? It's those muscles of his, it makes him think he's some kind of superhero who can do anything. I'm sure he suffers from the Dunning Kruger Effect…"
"He's my brother, you can't talk about him like that! And anyway, there's nothing wrong with a little muscle…"
I watched as she left the room and emerged with a plate load of sandwiches from the kitchen.
"A little muscle? He's got more muscles than a caterpillar!" That last remark caused her to stop in her tracks and tutt.
"Ah, I knew you'd have to bring your Entomology into this at some point. You just can't stop thinking about it, can you? My brother takes care of his body and as I said, there's nothing wrong with his muscles."
"Absolutely. Every day, 8 to 4, in that gym. My old Arnold Schwarzenegger Commando action figure had less muscles than him. Except for one, of course." I tapped the side of my head and she shook hers.
"Well please don't go into some intellectual tirade like you did the last time. You know how upset he gets when he doesn't understand something. He broke grandma's China vase, remember? We're running out of the old inheritance."
"Yes, I remember. He's rather like a gorilla, don't you think? His dire apathy towards knowledge is killing. They should invent a whole new Circle of Hell just for him, 'Apathy of Knowledge and Understanding', perhaps. A little different to ignorance, wouldn't you say? Ignorance isn't really a choice for him, it would be a step up…that place would be good for a few other people I don't care to mention..."
She clenched her fists, pushing them down to her sides and her face went a deep purple.
"Don't bring my parents into this!"

Saturday, September 13, 2014

TIW Weekend Quickie 53...different

It's the first of many different Weekend Quickies to come at TIW from DL Zwissler :-)
The rules have been changed, but I still have power to do it!
And it's...well, go and see it for yourself!

Got 'How to' back from the editor this week, and I immediately read through it and sent it back. The quicker I am, the quicker it'll come out :-) Oh, it's 'an entertaining read' ...they keep telling me.

Still waiting for the 100th copy of 'Dani's Shorts 3' to go out...almost there after a few weeks out. OK, not so great but hey! Get your copy now...

I'm also in Grudge 10 on TIW....Challenge 81...sorry, no names and I can't tell you which story is mine but I do humour as you know...

Yes, there's a lot of links on the post :-)

Saturday, September 6, 2014

1 year of TIW Quickies + Celebration Story!

 Thank you, Mamie Pound, for giving us at TIW the Weekend Quickie, 52 weeks of 200 word 3 element stories :-) I'll miss you at the helm :-)
Here's my 52nd Weekend Quickie on the TIW website, a melancholy 200 words...

to celebrate a whole year, I wrote a story using 1 element from each week (the element and not the picture or feeling), 52 (I chose 2 elements from the 12 available at Christmas). Find them if you can :-)This piece is a little melancholy, this a phase I'm going through? Anyway, hope you like it.

If I recall, it was a Saturday afternoon at a local Iron Writers Convention. Five Iron Writers were present when I got there but like some forgotten rule of thumb, I couldn't remember their names, though I knew their faces. They held the convention in the Flora Bama bar, right next to a strange cyclorama of a burning wicker man set in the Scottish Highlands and a live element of eight ladies dancing a jig in the foreground, all organised and produced by some local artist. While melodical musical notes wafted over the sound system, I began to daydream and think back to yesterday morning at Mamie's…
With the smell of fried bacon and just brewed coffee, I made my way into the kitchen. She was nowhere to be seen. Lavender wafted through the open French doors, mixing with the breakfast smells and turning my already weak stomach. I opened the food cupboard to be greeted by a can of alphabet soup and a can of pumpkin, with a rotting coconut cake Mamie had made for Christmas. A pack of lifesavers sat on the counter and I took a tangerine one. Far away in the garden I heard the sound of singing. Was it her? A message in a bottle on the top of the fridge said it all.
'Dear Dani, Your mother gave you a little errand. Make two coffees and bring them out with you, following a trail of Mardi Gras beads. At the end of the trail is an arrowhead bordered by a dandelion bracelet. It will show you the way. Yours sincerely, Mamie.'
I did as the message asked and found her in a little summerhouse by a large rockery. We greeted each other and I placed the coffees on the table. She passed over a coin.
"What's this?"
"A present for a handsome newspaperman's birthday, a 1909 penny covered in Mars dust. Happy birthday!"
"Err, thanks, Mamie. Where did you get it?"
"From your sister. Ha, kind of a tip from a waitress, so to speak. Go on, your mother said you had to make a birthday wish now."
The annual birthday ritual with Mother. It was easy to choose, 50-50, but it was never a pleasant experience, and now that she was gone, it was Mamie who was left to do her last dying wish. Mother had hired a room at her place for the past few years and they had spent so many evenings together they'd become inseparable.
"Truth or dare?"
"OK, let's do it."
She took out Mother's old coke bottle and spun it around. This bottle was like a portent that provoked fear in me every year, but this time, for perhaps the first time ever, it stopped on 'truth'.
"Oh. Wish upon a star?"
"A star? It's eight o'clock in the morning."
 Mamie looked glum but then gave a smile and settled herself into her chair."Your Mother said that if it landed on 'truth' then I'd have to tell. You're 40 this year, so maybe it's better know about some things. She'd been prepared to tell you for years but..." She pointed to the bottle. "She said it always came up 'dare'."
"What things, Mamie?"
"Your early years...your 'real' early years..."
She took out an old photo from her pocket and handed it over.
"This is me as a newborn baby. I haven't seen this before…err, what's that on my face?"
"Err…" Mamie had a look. "It's cumerindine. My grandmother swore by it."
"Great...and what's that in the background? What! I was born in the back seat of a Greyhound bus, rolling down Highway 41? Are you kidding me? What about that old photo of me in the hospital?"
"I don't know about that, but your Mother said that she had to hitchhike from the bus to the hospital."
"Yes, the bus didn't go that way."
I sighed, relieved that this truth wasn't so bad.
"Phew, I thought it was going to be really bad, like I was adopted or something."
Mamie flinched.
"Err, well, not adopted as such…" She passed me another photo.
"Who's that?"
"It's your father."
"My...but my father is..."
"No, this is your real father. Who you thought was your father was actually your step father. Your mother said that this man is your father." As the shock hit me, Mamie continued. "She said that he had such a feeling of strength and independence about him. She first met him in the summer of her Junior Year at High school..."
I quickly calculated it in my head. Surely that was wrong. How could this be my father?
"That would make me 44, Mamie."
"Yes, it was 5 years later. She met him again, a chance encounter during a cake walk at a fete. He'd lost his shoes. Apparently, he was really something. She said 'some people can look at a mud puddle and see an ocean of ships'. He gave her one of these."
Mamie showed me Mother's five gold rings. It had always been a mystery as to who that fifth ring had came from.
"Why...where...when can I meet him?"
"Oh, he's gone now, a freak accident when a Halcyon flew into his helmet while he was riding his motorbike."
"Oh. So no father-son reunion, then."
"No. Sorry, Dani."
"That's okay…but…but she said I got my nose from my father. His nose is nothing like mine."
"Your nose…well…do you really want to know?"
I nodded.
"Okay. When you were old enough to walk, you were obsessed with moving lights and things, you know, snowglobes, lava lamps and the like. She couldn't drag you past a shop window without a fight. You squashed your nose up against the glass so many times, you got a permanent pugnose."
"What? Next you'll be telling me that this wolf bite I got on my arm 'cause I thought the thing was a lost dog with no collar, isn't!"
"It isn't."
"It's a birthmark. Same as that one she said was a rattlesnake bite when you tried to save a yellow scorpion."
First my birth, then my father, and now my infamous bites…
"Uh-huh." I examined both 'birthmarks'. "I see it now. How stupid of me to believe they were bites."
I looked straight at Mamie. A thousand emotions ran through me, a million images, and the world started to spin…

Friday, September 5, 2014

Dani's Shorts 3 on Amazon!

Way-hey! 'Manna-X' is now #225,160 Paid in Kindle Store! (Okay, not so great but it's something)
What's that? I've been a bit quiet? I've been writing...Check this NEWSFLASH out...
Dani's Shorts 3 is now available on both Smashwords and Amazon :-)
It's also available from Createspace... 
Come and get your copy :-)
...and all those other Amazon sites :-)

Sent in a 2000+ word story for another anthology, and now I'm working on 'How to 2'...busy.
Challenge 81, a grudge, is coming too, I'm in that! And another grduge is coming soon! So many have a grudge...