Comment on 'Too Dull to Die' on authonomy!

FINALLY after days of screaming on authonomy.com, someone writes a comment.
Looks like they like it :-) Of course, it needs a little tidying up, but doesn't everything?

http://authonomy.com/books/48656/too-dull-to-die/

Emma L.H....

Dani, how this book has had so little attention on here, is a mystery to me. I love it! It's fresh, your writing is crisp and the humour throughout had me sniggering like a loony several times. I particularly liked the references to the light tunnel and jaffa cakes- brilliant!

Guido is a great MC. He's very believable in his mannerisms, speech, actions and thoughts. What a shame he happened to die when he did- poor bloke. That cruise might have sorted him out a bit! Graham- aka- Grim Reaper is a great character and you've made a good introduction to snarky Peter. I think your strong point is dialogue. It flows beautifully and not once did it sound forced or stilted- good job, there.

I did notice a few nit picks; hope they can be of help:

I don't think you need 'first adventure' and 'only adventure'. It's a bit redundant; they're both the same thing, really. I think 'first adventure' should be the one to go. 'Only adventure' has more of an impact.

"Good day to you, and Welcome!
Welcome shouldn't be capitalised.

"Err, no...
This should be 'Er' (one 'R').

Some of your paragraphs could do with a tidy. You have someone speaking and someone else thinking, etc, in the same paragraph, sometimes. It can be a little confusing. Also, I think the closing sentence of the first chapter, beginning, 'Peter shooed them away...' is a bit weak. After reading this, I know you could have come up with a better ending to chapter one- you're a great writer- and it just doesn't really fit. End it on a comical note or with a little hint or twist of what is to come. There's not a bit enough hook to entice the reader to continue the way it is.

Dani, there really isn't much more I can say. You've got a fantastic book here and I will be shelving it when I have space on my shelf. Why not join a genre group on the forums? It'll get you more reads, and this definitely needs to get noticed. For now, highly starred and I wish you all the best with this. Well done.