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Sunday, April 21, 2013

'Not Me' Continuation...(Little Oldme)

Thanks to 'Little Oldme' on my 'Not Me' 55er on Austin Briggs, I have some continuations on the original story. It's nice to rake up some old bones...
The original...'Not Me' (Jan 21 2013)

The pints flowed that night in the pub, him and me drinking through his personal hell. His girlfriend was pregnant and he knew it wasn’t him. I backed him up all the way, I’d help him find the guy. I’d make sure he wouldn’t find out it was me.

Then 'Little Oldme' added the girlfriend of the narrator of Not Me...(least, that's what they thought they did)

The silent tears flowed the next morning at the kitchen table. Him and me, smiling through my personal hell. My best friend was pregnant and I knew it was his. He didn't have to tell me. My broken heart already knew. I'd back him all the way, of course. I'd help him remember that he loved me and, when he did, I'd leave him... and I'd make sure he never knew why.

It's too long, 72 words in all, but hey.
Now I've added the 'Outsider' story...in 55 words :-)



They'd killed his child, without a word to him, not of the pregnancy, not of the abortion. His new girlfriend had left him for something he'd done before they'd met. Why did no one else see it? Ostracised and alone, he realised that fact and truth belonged to the individual, and they were not partners.

Moving on quite well...



5 comments:

  1. Wow!! The plot thickens and the knife gets twisted a little bit more...

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  2. Finding it very hard to follow that in 55 words. Have tried many times, but there are so many different angles. Still working on it...

    Little Oldme

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  3. It's tricky to follow. Had a go at cutting your 1st down to 55 words exact...I think I caught the essence...
    "Silent tears flowed, me smiling through my personal hell. My best friend was pregnant and I knew it was his. He didn't have to tell me. My broken heart knew. I'd back him all the way, I'd help him remember he loved me and, when he did, I'd leave him... and he'd never know why."

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  4. I had to tell him. He had a right to know! I watched him break as my words reached his world. Enough. I wouldn't leave him. He'd already lost too much. I'd help him come to terms with the consequences of their disloyalty. Would show him that I, at least, still loved and trusted him...

    Found this very tricky. Very sad.

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    Replies
    1. Hey! You did 55 words! Super. A little offtrack compared to the 1st, but still good. Thanks for the contributions, 'Little Oldme'.

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