Challenge 66 - Grudge 6

Yes, I was in this one...anonymous, well, it should have been...one guy posted his story, and then there was mention of the collaboration in that team...etc,etc. I came 2nd, in the popular vote and got 1 judge vote, putting me...2nd.
Here's my story in better format than the website...:-)

(elements, written as a radio script, Rav Shaul, one character has a paper bag on their head, include all processes of beer brewing without mentioning beer.)

 

"THE UNIVERSE DOESN'T CARE WHAT YOU ARE" / CAILE

1        SFX                    TWO PAIRS OF FOOTSTEPS WALK TOWARDS

2                                   EACH OTHER, SOUND OF A PAPER BAG

3                                   RUSTLING AND A COUGH FROM WITHIN. ONE

4                                   PAIR OF FOOTSTEPS STOPS.

5     TED:                  Shalom.

6        SFX                   VOICE OF RAV COMES FROM UNDER

7                                  A PAPER BAG.

8     RAV:                  Shalom.

9     TED:                  Err, Hi. My name's Ted. Who are you?

10       SFX                  SECOND PAIR OF FOOTSTEPS STOPS.

11    RAV:                 Rav. Rav Shaul.

12    TED:                  Who?

13    RAV:                 Rav Shaul, you know?

14    TED:                  Shaul? Oh, Rav Shaul! You're a Gentile!

15    RAV:                 Yes…what? No, that's a misunderstanding, I'm a Natsari Jew!

16    TED:                  Yeah, right, Rav. Pull the other one. Err…but Rav? Why have

17                               you got a paper bag on your head?

18       SFX                   SOUND OF SIGH FROM INSIDE PAPER BAG.

19    RAV:                 I thought that would be obvious.

20    TED:                  Good point, seeing as you're a Gentile. Any stones around here?

21    RAV:                 I'm not a Gentile! I'm a Natsari Jew!

22    TED:                  Whatever. So, you're still reading the Torah then, eh?

23    RAV:                 Of course! I'm a Rabbi! Look, see? Never leave home

24                               without one.

25       SFX                   SOUND OF LARGE PARCHMENTS BEING

26                                 OPENED, THEN BEING CLOSED.

27    TED:                  Oh, right. But, really, I heard you were…a Christian.

28       SFX:                   LARGE SOUND OF THUNDER

29    RAV:                  Christian?

30        SFX:                  LARGE SOUND OF THUNDER

31    TED:                  Yeah, Christian.

32       SFX:                   LARGE SOUND OF THUNDER

33    RAV:                  No, not me. Those Chri…

34       SFX:                   BEGINNING OF THUNDER

35    RAV:                 Those Gentiles…they get -soaked in water-. I don't.

36    TED:                  Yeah, crazy, right? You'd have to be -slightly cracked-

37                               to do that.

38    RAV:                 And they're -steeping- in love and harmony and all that

39                               'Hallelujah' jazz...whatever that is...I've absolutely no idea…

40    TED:                  Oh, Christ, yeah.

41    RAV:                 Mind your language.

42    TED:                  Sorry.

43    RAV:                 Yes, well, everything that those Chri…Gentiles were before is

44                               -rinsed out-, -extracted-. They are -separated- from our grand

45                               teachings by that small group of 'disciples'. Pah!

46    TED:                  Yeah, so I heard.

47    RAV:                  And then they are -boiled- up, cleansed and -sterilized- with

48                               all that talk about 'loving their God'. That's…just not me.

49    TED:                   That guy they follow…who is he again?

50    RAV:                  Jesus.

51    TED:                  What? What happened? What did I do now?

52    RAV:                  No, Jesus, Jesus Christ. That's the guy's name. Jesus Christ.

53    TED:                  Oh, right, right. Yeah, 'course it is.

54    RAV:                 Then they sit and -ferment-, talking about the 'Old Testament'.

55                               Not me, no, sir.

56    TED:                  What is that all about, eh? 'Old Testament'?

57    RAV:                 Beats me. But they are so -settled-, so sure of themselves.

58                               It is quite an achievement to do this in our time of unrest.

59                               They are -stabilized- with their 'Scriptures', with no

60                               -cloudiness- of mind.

61    TED:                  Those Chri…Gentiles, they're a bunch of special -cases-,

62                               if you ask me.

63    RAV:                 Yes, well, it was nice meeting you...err?

64    TED:                  Ted.

65    RAV:                 Yes, Ted. But I have to -wrap it up- here, Ted, I've got a

66                               circumcision at 4.

67    TED:                  Oh, right, well, sorry to hold you up. Have a good one!

68    RAV:                  …yes, quite.

69       SFX                   RAV'S SET OF FOOTPRINTS MOVES OFF.

70    TED:                  Okay, well, Shalom!

71       SFX                   VOICE OF RAV FURTHER AWAY.

72    RAV:                  One born every minute…

73    TED:                  Sorry?

74    RAV:                 And 'peace' upon you, too…shmuck.