I'm back up in the top 100k Amazon writers right now because someone read 11 pages of "Rage of Atlantis" on KDNP (or whatever it's called).
Still working on "HTBACISES" 2 (can you see something going on with that title?)
I came 3rd equal (4th, really) in the 2016 Iron Winter Open...to be honest, there weren't many Iron Writers voting, but I only got 4 votes, whereas the winner got 7..Congrats, Alis Van Doorn!
BUT...there was no 2015-2016 Annual Final, and there were the 3 finalists from that 'season', including myself, in this Open competition, and I was the only one to hand in an entry for this final...so I guess I am the 'unofficial' winner of the 2015-2016 Iron Writer season...which is something. Not recognised, of course. Nothing changes there...
And now it's Iron Writer Weekend Quickie Number 176!
Go and see the other stories on the Iron Writer site here...
http://theironwriter.com/the-iron-writer-challenge-weekend-quickie-176
Or just read my take on the elements here...:-)
WQ176 - image above, passion, self control, naysayers - 200 words only
"What the hell did you do? What is this?" asked Tithe.
"I've prepared the field, see?" Kethier gestured towards the tilled soil.
"Have you no self control? You've destroyed the fauna! The place looks so... so... empty..." said Apptha.
"Empty? No! I had a dream, a dream of such passion, such joy! I'm going to invent..."
"No," said Tithe. "No, you're not. You're going to put back all those plants right now." Tithe looked around for the trees that once stood on this scarred land.
"But that's it! More will grow! And we can eat these!"
"No, we won't. Don't be so stupid. Since when do we eat trees? Fruit from trees, yes, but not trees themselves...except those ones that leak, but they're very sticky," said Apptha.
"No, no, you don't understand! We will grow a special grass here and..."
"Grass! Grass? We're not cows, Kethier! Get a grip!" said Tithe.
"No, we collect the seeds from this grass, then crush them, add water, then make a mixture, put a pinch of salt and some type of bacteria in it to make it rise and..."
Apptha smacked Kethier on the head. "Enough of that. Mavis! Where's my roast rat?"
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Saturday, April 23, 2016
Saturday, April 16, 2016
WQ 175 + Evidence of Dictatorship part 2,458
Yep! Shops are open on Sundays again...but wait...what's that? Two MPs voted against! Oh my! The Prime Minister has fined them 100,000 Forints for voting their opinion! He wanted to be popular! (to reverse a hated law he created in the first place...these citizens have short memories, rather like goldfish). How dare they destroy the image by voting for what they thought was right (of, course, they voted wrong but as an MP, you can vote any which way you like). A little talk to would've been okay, but a fine? For voting the way you wanted to? Something rotten in Denmark...if it were Denmark...
And here's Iron Writer Weekend Quickie 175! A space feel...
http://theironwriter.com/the-iron-writer-challenge-weekend-quickie-175
And mine is here, too!
WQ175 - image above, anxiety, braking distance, a crutch
"So, you're just gonna sit there?"
"Yep."
"With your feet up and a beer from the cooler?"
"Yep."
"While our ship, our only way home, is crippled and unable to take off again because you 'got the braking distance wrong'?"
"Yep."
"And I'm standing here using a ladder as a crutch?"
"Yep."
"And you're not at all worried about how the hell we're getting home?"
"Nope. I've got me beer. Could be better, could've brought a TV to see the football."
"Wh...where did that cooler come from?"
"I got one of the ground crew to put it in the capsule before we took off. Why?"
"Was it approved by Mission Control?"
"Was what approved by Mission Control?"
"The cooler! Was the cooler approved by Mission Control?"
"I guess not."
"You do know that the added weight is probably the reason why we're in this mess, don't you?"
"Really? Didn't think about it. It's only beer."
"Only beer!?!"
"Don't stress yourself. it'll only bring on one of your anxiety attacks. Control told me, you know?"
"What?"
"That you weren't really fit for this mission."
"What! Look at you! You're drinking..." Tex fainted.
"See? Mission Control? One to bring back, over."
And here's Iron Writer Weekend Quickie 175! A space feel...
http://theironwriter.com/the-iron-writer-challenge-weekend-quickie-175
And mine is here, too!
WQ175 - image above, anxiety, braking distance, a crutch
"So, you're just gonna sit there?"
"Yep."
"With your feet up and a beer from the cooler?"
"Yep."
"While our ship, our only way home, is crippled and unable to take off again because you 'got the braking distance wrong'?"
"Yep."
"And I'm standing here using a ladder as a crutch?"
"Yep."
"And you're not at all worried about how the hell we're getting home?"
"Nope. I've got me beer. Could be better, could've brought a TV to see the football."
"Wh...where did that cooler come from?"
"I got one of the ground crew to put it in the capsule before we took off. Why?"
"Was it approved by Mission Control?"
"Was what approved by Mission Control?"
"The cooler! Was the cooler approved by Mission Control?"
"I guess not."
"You do know that the added weight is probably the reason why we're in this mess, don't you?"
"Really? Didn't think about it. It's only beer."
"Only beer!?!"
"Don't stress yourself. it'll only bring on one of your anxiety attacks. Control told me, you know?"
"What?"
"That you weren't really fit for this mission."
"What! Look at you! You're drinking..." Tex fainted.
"See? Mission Control? One to bring back, over."
Friday, April 15, 2016
Am I becoming known? Yeah, right, LOL
Had a look at my 'Amazon Author Rank' and in the last 6 months, I was in the top 100,000 Amazon writers for 17 days, as opposed to TWICE in the 6 months before that...9 in total since June 2013. Strange. I haven't actually written much in the last 6 months. Is that an indication of something? Maybe I should stop writing entirely...I could move up into the Top 50,000! LOL
It's been WELL over a year since I wrote a novel-sized story (50k words). It is time for...
...still working out a few plot holes but I think it's there...the storyline, that is. Here's the title. Is it long enough, do you think?
...yep :-)
Working through it as you read, 6000 words and rising...watch this space...
And where's "Dani's Shorts 6"? DS5 finally got over 100 free downloads without being formatted according to Smashwords.com' standards.
It's been WELL over a year since I wrote a novel-sized story (50k words). It is time for...
"How to Build a Castle in Seven Easy Steps" 2...
...still working out a few plot holes but I think it's there...the storyline, that is. Here's the title. Is it long enough, do you think?
"How to Sink a Ship in Eight Long Excruciatingly Tedious, Stinkingly Evil Nights"
...yep :-)
Working through it as you read, 6000 words and rising...watch this space...
And where's "Dani's Shorts 6"? DS5 finally got over 100 free downloads without being formatted according to Smashwords.com' standards.
Thursday, April 14, 2016
Sunday Shops open? IT'S A TRICK!
Finally, well over a year later, shops are allowed to open on Sundays. Yip yip! Now we all have that one day to get the weekly shopping done and not cram the shopping somewhere into the other days and get all stressed up about it! Go to church? WTF?
(oh, by the way, I have a story in the Iron Writer Winter Open Final over here...go and see...http://theironwriter.com/the-iron-writer-challenge-152-2016-winter-equinox-finals/)
So...the Government did a U-turn! Is there light at the end of the Dictatorship? Nope... there's something else going on here...
Okay, so the Government closed the large shops on Sundays over a year ago. Why?
1. to allow those workers who did work on Sunday to rest and not be 'exploited'...super, but they wanted the money because they got 100% overtime. I don't care what they say, Inflation is HIGH.
2. The only shops allowed to be open on Sundays were under 200m2...there is a certain large chain of shops called CBA that are 200m2 maximum, in every village and town...and they are owned by...the Government!
3. to satify their coalition religious political 'partners'.
The Opposition Party wanted to help the citizens and tried to apply for a Referendum...blocked by an old woman who happened to be a the wife of a pro-Government town mayor. They tried this year and a gang of security guards from Fradi, a football team run by a pro-Government director, blocked them and allowed the same old woman to hand in her dumbass question before them. Then it was rejected and the Opposition Party waited outside the official office days before it opened to hand in their question. Referendum was on! The citizens were happy.
A few days later, maybe one, the Government made a bill to scrap the 'Sunday closing' bill (with some adjustments), and this was passed the next day. Shops are open again! Yeah! ...erm,,, read between the lines...and adjustments...
Why did they make a U-turn? The Government have said, OPENLY in recent interviews that they did it to stop the Opposition party from becoming 'popular'. Yep. Oh yeah, and those 'adjustments'?
You see, workers used to get 100% overtime rate on Sundays. This new bill cut it down to 50%.
Why?
So the Government can say...
"You see! You have to work another day in the week and you don't get paid well for it! The Opposition party did this to you! They are bad, very bad!"
When the citizens hate the Opposition Party for doing this (yeah, right, they're the ones who closed the shops in the first place...no), the Government will pass another bill which will adjust the overtime rate back up to 100%. Then they will say...
"You see! We are good to you! We give you more money! We are your heroes, your champions! Our Reform is working!"
Up yer arse.
Inflation is RISING. The country is going to HELL.
(oh, by the way, I have a story in the Iron Writer Winter Open Final over here...go and see...http://theironwriter.com/the-iron-writer-challenge-152-2016-winter-equinox-finals/)
So...the Government did a U-turn! Is there light at the end of the Dictatorship? Nope... there's something else going on here...
Okay, so the Government closed the large shops on Sundays over a year ago. Why?
1. to allow those workers who did work on Sunday to rest and not be 'exploited'...super, but they wanted the money because they got 100% overtime. I don't care what they say, Inflation is HIGH.
2. The only shops allowed to be open on Sundays were under 200m2...there is a certain large chain of shops called CBA that are 200m2 maximum, in every village and town...and they are owned by...the Government!
3. to satify their coalition religious political 'partners'.
The Opposition Party wanted to help the citizens and tried to apply for a Referendum...blocked by an old woman who happened to be a the wife of a pro-Government town mayor. They tried this year and a gang of security guards from Fradi, a football team run by a pro-Government director, blocked them and allowed the same old woman to hand in her dumbass question before them. Then it was rejected and the Opposition Party waited outside the official office days before it opened to hand in their question. Referendum was on! The citizens were happy.
A few days later, maybe one, the Government made a bill to scrap the 'Sunday closing' bill (with some adjustments), and this was passed the next day. Shops are open again! Yeah! ...erm,,, read between the lines...and adjustments...
Why did they make a U-turn? The Government have said, OPENLY in recent interviews that they did it to stop the Opposition party from becoming 'popular'. Yep. Oh yeah, and those 'adjustments'?
You see, workers used to get 100% overtime rate on Sundays. This new bill cut it down to 50%.
Why?
So the Government can say...
"You see! You have to work another day in the week and you don't get paid well for it! The Opposition party did this to you! They are bad, very bad!"
When the citizens hate the Opposition Party for doing this (yeah, right, they're the ones who closed the shops in the first place...no), the Government will pass another bill which will adjust the overtime rate back up to 100%. Then they will say...
"You see! We are good to you! We give you more money! We are your heroes, your champions! Our Reform is working!"
Up yer arse.
Inflation is RISING. The country is going to HELL.
Saturday, April 9, 2016
WQ174 + the FINALS!
Got through to the Iron Writer Winter Open 2016 finals...yes, another, and it was close thing, I tied with two other writers in my bracket...Final soon to come...
Here was my 'winning' entry...
http://theironwriter.com/the-iron-writer-challenge-151-2016-winter-equinox-preliminary-round-moby-dick-bcracket/
And Iron Writer Weekend Quickie 174 is up!
Here's the place to go to see all 'entries'...
http://theironwriter.com/the-iron-writer-challenge-weekend-quickie-174
And here's mine :-)
Here was my 'winning' entry...
http://theironwriter.com/the-iron-writer-challenge-151-2016-winter-equinox-preliminary-round-moby-dick-bcracket/
And Iron Writer Weekend Quickie 174 is up!
Here's the place to go to see all 'entries'...
http://theironwriter.com/the-iron-writer-challenge-weekend-quickie-174
And here's mine :-)
174 – image above, “out with the old, in with the new”, death, services rendered
"Why
me?" She flicked the ash off the top of her cigarette and took a sip of
the warm short coffee.
"For
services rendered? How would I know, I am merely the messenger. And the
executioner," said the black suit. A particular bulge protruding from
inside kept the other customers away.
"And
what would be gained from my death?" she asked. The cigarette burned down
in red flame as she sucked the nicotine and smoke down into her lungs.
"Pleasure?"
"For
you?"
"Do
you get pleasure from your job?" he asked, checking the bar for any
interest in their conversation.
"Immense
pleasure. Immense."
"As
do I. It is not every day I take someone out in, and I quote, "the most
excruciatingly way possible". I will enjoy the next few...days."
"Days?
My, I didn't know I had it in me." She stubbed out what was to be her last
indulgence. A mother passed by the window pushing a baby in a pram. "Out
with the old, in with the new. End on a cliché, why don't I," she said
with a smile.
"Out
of curiosity, madam, and for my records, what's your profession?" He got
his chloroformed handkerchief ready.
"Critic."
Monday, April 4, 2016
"Mules, Knaves and Close Shaves" + 5th review of "All For Love" :-)
Well, my friend Mathew W. Weaver has his new book out today! Go and check it out!
http://www.amazon.com/Mules-Knaves-Shaves-Mathew-Weaver/dp/1940938694
And some activity! Finally, a review on the Amazon.co.uk site for "All For Love"...4 stars...well, better than 3...
http://www.amazon.co.uk/All-Love-Dani-J-Caile-ebook/dp/B01APR99OK
Thanks, Frank! (a regular reader :-))
I have so many 'starts' to new books at the moment. Today I now have a start to a new Graham
http://www.amazon.com/Mules-Knaves-Shaves-Mathew-Weaver/dp/1940938694
And some activity! Finally, a review on the Amazon.co.uk site for "All For Love"...4 stars...well, better than 3...
http://www.amazon.co.uk/All-Love-Dani-J-Caile-ebook/dp/B01APR99OK
By
Frank Clark
on 4 April 2016
Format: Kindle Edition
Verified Purchase
Another one of Dani's gripping stories. This time a crime mystery; a
sad, sensitive story with added humour and a typical "Dani suprise"
twist at the end. I highly recommended it for a holiday read.
Thanks, Frank! (a regular reader :-))
I have so many 'starts' to new books at the moment. Today I now have a start to a new Graham
Sunday, April 3, 2016
One Star Review of the Afterlife blog tour Day 2 - an Interview with the Editor
Welcome to the One Star Review of the Afterlife blog tour!
http://www.amazon.com/Star-Reviews-Afterlife-Alternate-Hilarities-ebook/dp/B01DOUI7YS
It's the second day now, if you'd like to see the first day or know where it'll land tomorrow, click...here!
You can even enter a rafflecopter giveaway competition to win a prize!
Today I'm giving the editor of "One Star Review of the Afterlife", Giovanni Valentino, Editor in Chief of Strange Musings Press, an interview! (I have a story in that compilation...very good story, that)...Yeah! Whoop! Yeah! (cough)... so let's get right on to it! Yeah!...
Thank you, Giovanni Valentino! And all the best for "One Star Reviews of the Afterlife"!
You can get it here...!
http://www.amazon.com/Star-Reviews-Afterlife-Alternate-Hilarities-ebook/dp/B01DOUI7YS
Giovanni Valentino - http://giovannivalentino.blogspot.com/
Strange Musings Press - http://www.strangemusingspress.com/p/main.html
Website: http://giovannivalentino.blogspot.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/thegiovanniv
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7772307.Giovanni_Valentino
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/The-Giovanni-Valentino-514035118649690/
http://www.amazon.com/Star-Reviews-Afterlife-Alternate-Hilarities-ebook/dp/B01DOUI7YS
It's the second day now, if you'd like to see the first day or know where it'll land tomorrow, click...here!
You can even enter a rafflecopter giveaway competition to win a prize!
Today I'm giving the editor of "One Star Review of the Afterlife", Giovanni Valentino, Editor in Chief of Strange Musings Press, an interview! (I have a story in that compilation...very good story, that)...Yeah! Whoop! Yeah! (cough)... so let's get right on to it! Yeah!...
First question. The name. Why One Star Review? Why the Afterlife?
The title “One Star Reviews of the Afterlife” came from a crazy comment
I made during a dinner party. For some reason, one of my guests felt
the need to cross that line of discussing ‘money, politics or religion’
in mixed company. Said guest made the mistake of taking a strong stance
against organized religion to defend their choice of being an atheist
and it was really bringing the party down. I tried to steer the
conversation back to something lighter but they wanted to dig in. After a
minute long diatribe about people betting so much on an afterlife they
had no proof of, I said, “Too bad they don’t have an app for that. Like
Yelp! For the hereafter! That would be the best selling app ever.”
Everyone laughed and the discussion turned to just what kinds of
afterlives might get a one star review. From there, a theme was born.
FYI, about almost all of the ideas from the party were submitted by
someone.
Second question. How did Strange Musings Press come into being?
Strange Musings Press came into being as a dream reinvigorated. I
published Alternate Hilarities as a fan zine in the 90s, more about that
later, but stopped because the cost of publishing back in the day was
too high and the quality you would get was too low. And you couldn’t get
small print runs either. I would have to order at least 1000 copies of
any one issue to get time on the schedule with the printers and I didn’t
need anywhere near that many.
Fast forward to 2012 and an author friend of mine had just gotten back
the rights to two of her novels because her small press publisher had
gone under. She asked me to look into the cost and efforts of getting
those books back into print via self-publishing and I was surprise to
see how easy it was now a days to get your own work to market if you
just had some computer savvy. Having mad skills in Microsoft office, I
could do a lot of the work myself and I had a few good contacts that
could help me with the rest.
My friend got her books back into print with a different small press
but I’d been bitten by the publishing bug again. So I started Strange
Musings Press and for much less money and at a higher level of quality, I
brought Alternate Hilarities back from the dead.
Third
question. This compilation is the fifth ‘Alternate Hilarities’. What is
the history of the series and has it changed since its beginnings?
Like I said, Alternate
Hilarities was originally a fanzine I produced during the nineties.
(see attached cover art) At the time, humorous speculative fiction was
rare and it was hard to sell without a big author name behind it. I
couldn’t make any headway with the big magazines of the time but I
started getting things in print after someone introduced me to the small
press. Small presses of the day were offset print magazines produced by
fans of the genres, hence the term fan-zine. They didn’t pay well, or
at all sometimes, but you frequently got contributor’s copies of the
issue you were in and mild bragging rights. After receiving a few
contributor’s copies, I realized I had the skill sets to do better. I
produced 6 issues and it was fun. I ran my stories along with many other
great ones. In the end the cost of producing each issue got too high to
justify continuing this fun project and for the sake of domestic
tranquility, I put it to bed.
In this new digital age, a lot of the costs have changed. Since I can
format the files in Word, the eBook’s cost is just my labor and with
print on demand, I don’t have to shell out big bucks to do a full print
run for a print edition and fill my basement with boxes of my ego.
As for the modern incarnation of Alternate Hilarities, you’ll notice
the first edition doesn’t have a subtitle or theme. I just took any
humorous speculative fiction that came my way, horror, fantasy and
science fiction. It worked out fine but I felt the anthology was a
little disjointed, so I started with the themes. I was never brave
enough to try a themed issue in the old days because I never got enough
submissions to even try. I got a little braver after getting over one
hundred and twenty submissions for Alternate Hilarities one. My first
attempt at a theme, Vampires Suck, was a little rough because it was a
little too narrow. I only got seventy submissions for that one. That’s
why the next two were more open, Hysterical Realms being just fantasy
and Weirder Science is just sci-fi. I took a chance on One Star Reviews
of the Afterlife. It’s narrower than my original idea of paranormal
stories but the Afterlife has a lot of range to it like Heaven, Hell,
Ghosts, and I even threw in a few undead ones.
Fourth question. Will Strange Musings Press move into other areas, such as novels or other types of compilations?
The
original plan was to do a few different anthology series. We had
another one called Romantic Ruckus. It was a parody of the romance genre
with the tag line of “An anthology of stories about Love gone wrong!”
My friend Kara Leigh Miller was the editor of the series but she got
busy with other projects and we never produced a second one. I’ve
consider doing others but I keep hoping to find someone else to be the
editor. Have you got any ideas?
I’d love to start taking submissions for full length novels but I don’t
have the capital to do it right just yet. I can do a lot of the work of
getting a book to market myself but I still need to budget for
promotion, art work and I’m a terrible line editor. I’d hate to ruin
someone else’s book because I wasn’t ready. It is a plan for the
future. If the full length science fiction parody epic I’m working on
now doesn’t find a home, I’ll make it the test case for the Strange
Musings Press novel line.
Fifth question. What are your ‘pet peeves’ when it comes to editing?
I have a list a mile long but I’ll keep it to my top two to avoid sounding whiney.
My biggest pet peeve is people who submit without reading the
guidelines. Stories that are too long or too short are irritations but
stories that aren’t even trying to be funny or 5000 words of boring to
setup a punchline just drive me nuts. It’s a humor anthology. The first
thing your story needs to be is funny or at least trying to be funny. I
might not get the joke but I can tell when you’re trying.
The second would be people that don’t provide a cover letter. It’s not a
hard thing to do and it’s very important for your submission. Just
introduce yourself with a quick bio, plug your story and give me
something about your publication history, even if it is an honest
admission like “I have no publications to date”. It seems simple but so
many authors find it too daunting to promote themselves. A good cover
letter sets the tone of your relationship with the editor and starts
your submission off with a better chance. Here’s a link to a post I
wrote about it,
Sixth question. Where do you think the publishing industry will be in five years? (for example, will self-publishing be banned?)
The
publishing industry is changing. The digital age has made putting your
work out for the world to see very easy. This has led to a huge rise in
self-publishing and an explosion of new small presses. This is both a
curse and a blessing. More authors have a chance to get their work out
there. Works that might never have seen the light of day because it just
didn’t fit in an one genre. Some of these are good and some are bad.
I
doubt this new trend will ever be banned. A lot of people are making
money on it like Amazon, Createspace and Smashwords. Still, I do foresee
online retailers making things a little harder on the self-publisher
sometime soon to weed out the chaff. I’m not sure how they’re going to
do it but I’m ready to make sure I’m not left behind.
Seventh question. What’s your favorite color?
My favorite color is red...Thank you, Giovanni Valentino! And all the best for "One Star Reviews of the Afterlife"!
You can get it here...!
http://www.amazon.com/Star-Reviews-Afterlife-Alternate-Hilarities-ebook/dp/B01DOUI7YS
Giovanni Valentino - http://giovannivalentino.blogspot.com/
Strange Musings Press - http://www.strangemusingspress.com/p/main.html
Website: http://giovannivalentino.blogspot.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/thegiovanniv
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7772307.Giovanni_Valentino
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/The-Giovanni-Valentino-514035118649690/
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