Farts in Great Literature :-)

I didn't get through to the TIW Summer Open....mmmm. Bummer. Came 2nd in the Popular vote, which was okay, but scored some disastrous votes with the 4 anonymous judges, 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 4th out of 4 writers...what happened?
Got feedback from one judge, which was good because I wasn't the only one who was shocked with my result. One judge who gave 4th said "Farts are low on my literature list."

What? Farts are found throughout literature! Not only are farts a major part of the Minion Universe (one element of the four needed in the story), they can also be found in some of the best works of the greatest writers! Let's start off with....William Shakespeare!!

Macbeth Act 1 Scene 3
Second Witch: I'll give thee a wind.
First Witch: Thou'rt kind.
Third Witch: And I another.

King Lear Act 3 Scene 2
King Lear: Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! Rage, blow! 


Othello Act 3 Scene 1

Clown: Are these, I pray you, wind instruments? 
First Musician: Ay marry are they, sir.
Clown: O, thereby hangs a tail.
First Musician: Whereby hangs a tail, sir?
Clown: Marry, sir, by many a wind instrument that I know. 

Farts are also mentioned in Henry IV Part 2, Comedy of Errors, Hamlet, Two Gentlemen from Verona...Shakespeare liked fart jokes.

In the early 17th century there were also poems written about farts, like "The Parliament Fart" and "The Farts Epitaph".  

Ben Johnson's play The Alchemist opened with a fart...maybe that was for the best....

The world's oldest recorded joke back in 1900 BC was about a fart... a saying from the Sumerians: "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."

And here are many other writers...

Aristophanes’ The Clouds (423 BCE)  
I get colic, then the stew sets to rumbling like thunder and finally bursts forth with a terrific noise.

Dante Alighieri’s The Inferno...
They turned along the left bank in a line,
but before they started, all of them together
had stuck their pointed tongues out as a sign
to their Captain that they wished permission to pass,
and he had made a trumpet of his ass. (End of Canto 21)

Geoffrey Chaucer...The Canterbury Tales (The Miller's Tale)
This Nicholas just then let fly a fart
As loud as it had been a thunder-clap

Jonathan Swift wrote a pamphlet about "The Benefit of Farting"!
He wrote: “I take it there are five or six different species of fart.” These are “the sonorous and full-toned or rousing fart,” “the double fart,” “the soft fizzing fart,” “the wet fart,” and “the sullen wind-bound fart.” 


And if we want to go over to the USA, because literature is so 'rich' over there...(probably more 'wet' farts)

Mark Twain...1601 Conversation as it was by the Social Fireside in the Time of the Tudors 
Lady Alice: Good your grace, an' I had room for such a thunderbust within mine ancient bowels, 'tis not in reason I coulde discharge ye same and live to thank God for yt He did choose handmaid so humble whereby to shew his power. Nay, 'tis not I yt have broughte forth this rich o'ermastering fog, this fragrant gloom, so pray you seeke ye further.  

J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher In The Rye
“this guy sitting in the row in front of me, Edgar Marsalla, laid this terrific fart. It was a very crude thing to do, in the chapel and all, but it was also quite amusing. Old Marsalla. He damn near blew the roof off.”

Fact of the matter is, farts have been going off in literature since the begining of time! And are these works about farts? Is Macbeth about farts? Are farts the meaning behind Macbeth? Or The Catcher In The Rye? No. And they are not valued for their farts. Neither should my small work have been.

But why use farts? To get a REACTION from their audience, usually shock/laughter. I got shock...here's my piece for what it's worth in the TIW Prelim...it got 3rd place :-(
"Death of Another Salesman"..you'll find it here...
http://theironwriter.com/dean-koontz-bracket/