"Oh I wish! If only we could really have all the 'bad' people sent the other way. Although I was really getting into this story I found the second chapter needed reading a couple of times to clarify. Having said that I thought the humour came through well. I think that is not always easy to get across and I was put in mind of ' Hitchhikers Guide' the sample is setting up the scene for the rest of the book well. There isn't a lot to be critical about other than maybe clarifying 'He' a bit earlier, though I did like his name 'Graham Reader' nice play on words.
I may be mistaken but aren't Satan And Lucifer one and the same?
It may be a dark subject for a novel but the sardonic style lifts it nicely, and whilst it isn't my usual book choice I would be content to read more. Well done Dani."
'The Bethlehem Fiasco' got it's 3rd....
"Original and funny and has a good style overall. I would like to read the rest.
Good opening conflict in evidence in the first few lines, engaging reader's interest.
Consider appealing to senses more - sights, sounds, smell taste, etc. The places you did do this made it a more interesting read.
Your narrative, dialogue and action are extremely well interspersed - ideal.
Struggled a bit to identify with the characters but I think the pace and comic style are more important for this type of work - it works really well - I was chuckling out loud several times throughout.
You cut to the chase - its well edited.
The tension builds well when young Jesus starts to hear a voice in his head then has a full conversation. Building tension in a few more places like this will engage the reader even more.
Good conflict in narrative and dialogue ('cut yourself.'). Consider re-writing some of the dialogue in a few more places to be more indirect, less direct. Your direct dialogue style is funny but would benefit by being more indirect in places."
'Man by a tree' Rating after first 4 reviews....(3.59)
|Pace & structure|
|Use of language|
|Themes & ideas|