UPDATE: Shakespeare---retold (MidsummerNightsDream)

Yes, crazy, but my workplace wants me to do a play with one of the worst classes in the school (UPDATE: They are one of the BEST classes now, due to this play :-)). I re-wrote Shakespeare's Midsummer Nights Dream just for them....here's an extract...definitely NOT Shaky Baby, but the comedy and farce is still there...
You can read it ALL here...http://djcshakespeare.yolasite.com/

Act 1 Scene 2

(Quince, Snug, Bottom, Flute - beard, Snout, Starveling –long beard over shoulder)

(take chairs and sit in a semi-circle)

Quince

Are we all here?

Bottom

Call out the names.

Quince

The people on this list are the best in all Athens to play before the Duke and Duchess on their wedding day.

Bottom

What is the play?

Quince

A comedy, the death of Pyramus and Thisby.

Bottom

Oh, very good! Please, call out the names and their parts.

Quince

Okay, okay. Nick Bottom, the weaver. You are Pyramus, the lover.

Bottom

Oh goody! I shall move the audience to tears…with tears. (stands up) I will play my part with strength and spirit!

Quince

Yes…(Bottom sits down) Francis Flute, the bellows-maker, you are Thisby.

Flute

Who is Thisby? A wandering knight?

Quince

Pyramus’s lady love.

Flute

But I’ve got a beard! I can’t play a woman.

Quince

Whatever.

Bottom

(stands up) I can play Thisby! I will speak with a little voice, “Oh, Pyramus, my love…”

Quince

No, you play Pyramus, Flute plays Thisby. (Bottom sits down)

Bottom

Okay.

Quince

Robin Starveling, the tailor, you play Thisby’s mother.

Starveling

But I’ve got a longer beard than Flute. (beard off shoulder)

Quince

And? Tom Snout, the tinker, you play Pyramus’s father.

Snout

Okay.

Quince

I myself will play Thisby’s father. Snug?

Snug

Yes?

Quince

You play the lion.

Sung

How many lines has the lion got?

Quince

The lion roars.

Sung

Oh yes, so it does.

Bottom

Let me play the lion! (stands up) I can roar like no other! (roar)

Quince

And you will frighten the Duchess. They would hang us all!

Bottom

I will roar quietly, then.(roar)

Quince

You play Pyramus. Pyramus is the best part.

Bottom

Excellent! Do I need a beard?

Quince

Why not? They have one.

Bottom

(walking away, talking under Quince) 

I will have a long beard, orange and yellow, with purple and blue streaks and…yes…

Quince

There are your parts, learn them well. We meet in the woods tomorrow night.

Bottom

We will meet! Practise, and ’adieu’.

(all wave and leave – take chairs)