Here are my short and long pitches...
Bombs, angels, dolphins, hobgoblins, crazy monkeys, God in a rage, Satan on the toilet...all mixed with absurdly serious issues.
High Chief of Security Sipho, with his female dolphin sidekick Kang Dee, investigates the latest in a long line of terrorist attacks by the ‘unseen’ against Atlantis, the utopian gem of the physical universe, and finds more than he could have ever imagined.
'The Rage of Atlantis'
I like your short pitch. I’m not usually keen on the “list of things in the book” variety but that’s such a good list that I’ll make an exception.
I like the long pitch too. It’s quirky and interesting - much better than giving me the whole plot.
I really like the opening. A chase is relatively common, but not one in comfy slippers.
... That’s an exceptional first couple of sentences in Ch 2. They’ve got everything - it’s funny and surprising. The red squirrel stuff is really funny too.
“I’m so tired I could watch a dog grow.” is beautiful and ridiculous. I love it....
After just three short chapters, I wouldn’t expect to entirely understand what’s going on in a fantasy world, and I don’t. But I do see that this is fabulous writing - funny, likeable and unexpected.