Transition period (plus Challenge 68 take)

I think I'm going through a transition period. I'm not writing much, waiting for my new book to be published by someone else other than me and I feel like I'm in no man's land. I'm not impressed with my work on 'Torn', my new idea, and I'm waiting for the next to appear. I'm also continuously ill...
Anyway, here's my take on Challenge 68, it took a while to come out - a variation of Woolf's 'Mark on the Wall' :-)


Challenge 68 - The Hole in the Wall

(elements, rock, paper, scissors, shaving cream)

What exactly did we ever do in those school breaks, those thousands of endless breaks between lessons? It seems such a waste now, all that running around, playing football, picking on the weak kid, playing kiss chase, inventing some stupid game which involved a tennis ball and large empty wall, and basically talking rubbish throughout. Why didn’t we study, why didn’t we try to better ourselves when we had the chance? Why didn’t we listen when the teacher asked us to study for the test, do the project, or stop throwing paper at each other? Now look at us, stuck in deadend jobs, paying the bills, breeding more fodder for the system to chew on and spit out.

There was one teacher, I remember now, only one, who tried to wake us up. But one wasn’t enough. He gave us an opportunity to think, to have an opinion, to question things around us, both close to home and globally. No tests every other lesson, no punishment for late homework, only bad marks if we didn’t do right. He used to let us play, too, but in what he called an educational way. One game I really didn’t like back then was ’rock, paper, scissors’. What the hell was that all about? He told us it originated in China way back, and has been used to settle small trivial arguments ever since. I didn’t get it then and, as he always encouraged us to do, I questioned its logic. Sure, rock blunts scissors, and scissors cuts paper, but paper covers rock? No, I wasn’t having that. I even tried to show him that paper doesn’t stop a flying rock with a few ill fated experiments. His point was that it covered the rock. I then said you might as well cover it with shaving cream or some kind of foam, or a box, maybe. He said that a box was made of cardboard, which is paper, but he liked my idea of shaving cream. He opened it up to the class, that if paper changed to shaving cream, what could the other two objects be? Razor was easy as a substitute for scissors but the others got stumped on the rock. Looking at the teacher, it came to me in a flash. His face. The silence in the classroom was broken by the teacher’s laughter. Yes, razor scrapped away shaving cream, shaving cream covered his face, and his face blunted the razor. He gave me a good mark for that one, but he then asked me how I was going to represent them…that’s when the idea fell apart.

I wonder what ever became of that teacher? Last thing I heard was that he’d written a book and got it published, though I don’t think he was famous or anything. And what about all of us, the thinkers, the opinionated argumentatives? Menial jobs, most of us, but I did learn one thing. The pen is mightier than the sword. Paper covers rock.

When TIWs get together - The Cat and the Monkey

As a writer I believe in living on the edge. I don't believe in sitting at my computer, waiting for inspiration, wondering where and when the next big idea will come from, what my latest work will be. I believe in writing. Today I saw a picture of a cat which reminded me of one I used to know. This sparked off a kind of 'duel relay' with my good 'young' buddy, Mathew W. Weaver who was the one who shared the picture on his facebook page. This relay can be seen on his page... https://www.facebook.com/mathew.wordweaver/posts/1430664367204612?comment_id=1430748550529527&notif_t=like
...you have to get to the 1st comment, then read down. At first we took it easy, 4/5 words each, then we took half sentences, until the story was done! It's a rather strange little story, but worth the outing, and the reading.

Congrats to Mathew, for 3 hours of coming back with the goods! :-)
Herer's the same on his own blog...I think excellently presented :-)
http://ramblingsandraving.blogspot.hu/2014/06/the-tale-of-cat-and-monkey-when-tiws.html

The Cat and the Monkey (12 June 2013)

Mathew W. Weaver:shared Animal Advocates's photo.

True enough!

 Dani: There was this cat...

Mathew:... which lived all alone...

Dani: ...in a little white...

Mathew:...doghouse. It's neighbor....

  

Dani: a grouchy, diseased and...

Mathew:...putrid monkey with a bad case of rabies....

Dani: ...loved to howl and screech...

Mathew:... at odd hours during the afternoon.

  

Dani: Well, this cat decided that...

  

Mathew:...enough was enough, and...

  

Dani: ...in one odd moment when...

  

Mathew:... the monkey was having guests over....

  

Dani: ...he leapt up onto the fence which separated...

  

Mathew:...the garden from the swimming pool, and...

Dani: marked the area for all to smell. Unfortunately, the water...

Mathew:... formerly a beautiful shade of deep blue...

Dani: ...now turned to a dirty shade of yellow.

Mathew:The monkey, in the process of...

Dani: creaming his butt for the infamous...

Mathew:... Cherished Chimpanzee maneuver, which also involved...

Dani: squeezing his testicles in a banana vice...

Mathew:... and yodeling in as high pitched a voice as possible...

Dani: ...stopped in his tracks when the guests noticed...

Mathew:... that there was now a palpable change in odor...

Dani: ...and an oily viscosity to the water,

Mathew:...accompanied by a faintly noxious cloud of green.

Dani: The way that monkey somersaulted...

Mathew:... with the poise and agility of a gymnast and...

Dani: ...no hint of the 23 years in urethral sling surgery which blighted his blossoming career as...

Mathew:... an acrobatic pianist at the local circus, he...

Dani: ...could've won Gold at the local Prosthetic...

Mathew: ...Amazing Aeronautical Ape Competition, that also happened to feature...

Dani: …..the Stupendous Russian Poodles of Kiev and their...

Mathew:... lesser known counterparts, the Roaring Rottweilers of Romania.

Dani: With a flick and fling, the monkey landed...

Mathew:... with grandeur on the tiles beside the pool, but...

Dani: ...unbeknown to his little brain, the cat had already covered them with...

Mathew:... litty itty bits of hairballs that he had torn to pieces just so.

Dani: The monkey's guests looked on as their host suffered the most hilarious bout of chaetophobia...

Mathew:... as his legs scrambled wildly and yet he stayed in one place. His mouth open in a yodel of protest...

Dani: ...,to the surprise of all who were there to witness it,..

Mathew:... he managed to miraculously regain his balance. He grabbed the fence, and let out a sigh of relief. But that, however, was before...

Dani: ...the cat had enacted his "piece de resistance", the 'claws in...

Mathew:...extremely sensitive area' maneuver. The onlookers raised paws to their mouths as...

Dani: the sound of ripping flesh intruded on their as yet unperturbed sanity of mind.

Mathew:With a final shriek of defiance, the monkey lurched backwards...

Dani: ...,bananas and nuts filling the air, splashing into the yellow, viscous cloudlike pool, leaving the poor creature with nothing more than...

Mathew:...a tuft of hair around the back of his ears. Enraged at the loss of his once luxurious fur, he lunged...

Dani: ...towards the cat, tripped on his own Fatty Patty inflatable jumbo love doll he'd prepared for the second attraction of the day and...

Mathew:... landed on his now bare skinned belly. The momentum of that fall slid him backwards, limbs flaying, right into the pool. The splash...

Dani: of the thick yellow/green soup within the pool, unnaturally defying gravity as it slunk through the air, ...

Mathew:...splattered all onlookers, doused any and everything unprotected. The cat, untouched as a cat always is, leaped onto the fence once more to survey the damage. Satisfied that the task was done, he left, victorious and proud.

Dani: THE END

Mathew:(bows)

Dani: (bows)

 

Challenge 66 - Grudge 6

Yes, I was in this one...anonymous, well, it should have been...one guy posted his story, and then there was mention of the collaboration in that team...etc,etc. I came 2nd, in the popular vote and got 1 judge vote, putting me...2nd.
Here's my story in better format than the website...:-)

(elements, written as a radio script, Rav Shaul, one character has a paper bag on their head, include all processes of beer brewing without mentioning beer.)

 

"THE UNIVERSE DOESN'T CARE WHAT YOU ARE" / CAILE

1        SFX                    TWO PAIRS OF FOOTSTEPS WALK TOWARDS

2                                   EACH OTHER, SOUND OF A PAPER BAG

3                                   RUSTLING AND A COUGH FROM WITHIN. ONE

4                                   PAIR OF FOOTSTEPS STOPS.

5     TED:                  Shalom.

6        SFX                   VOICE OF RAV COMES FROM UNDER

7                                  A PAPER BAG.

8     RAV:                  Shalom.

9     TED:                  Err, Hi. My name's Ted. Who are you?

10       SFX                  SECOND PAIR OF FOOTSTEPS STOPS.

11    RAV:                 Rav. Rav Shaul.

12    TED:                  Who?

13    RAV:                 Rav Shaul, you know?

14    TED:                  Shaul? Oh, Rav Shaul! You're a Gentile!

15    RAV:                 Yes…what? No, that's a misunderstanding, I'm a Natsari Jew!

16    TED:                  Yeah, right, Rav. Pull the other one. Err…but Rav? Why have

17                               you got a paper bag on your head?

18       SFX                   SOUND OF SIGH FROM INSIDE PAPER BAG.

19    RAV:                 I thought that would be obvious.

20    TED:                  Good point, seeing as you're a Gentile. Any stones around here?

21    RAV:                 I'm not a Gentile! I'm a Natsari Jew!

22    TED:                  Whatever. So, you're still reading the Torah then, eh?

23    RAV:                 Of course! I'm a Rabbi! Look, see? Never leave home

24                               without one.

25       SFX                   SOUND OF LARGE PARCHMENTS BEING

26                                 OPENED, THEN BEING CLOSED.

27    TED:                  Oh, right. But, really, I heard you were…a Christian.

28       SFX:                   LARGE SOUND OF THUNDER

29    RAV:                  Christian?

30        SFX:                  LARGE SOUND OF THUNDER

31    TED:                  Yeah, Christian.

32       SFX:                   LARGE SOUND OF THUNDER

33    RAV:                  No, not me. Those Chri…

34       SFX:                   BEGINNING OF THUNDER

35    RAV:                 Those Gentiles…they get -soaked in water-. I don't.

36    TED:                  Yeah, crazy, right? You'd have to be -slightly cracked-

37                               to do that.

38    RAV:                 And they're -steeping- in love and harmony and all that

39                               'Hallelujah' jazz...whatever that is...I've absolutely no idea…

40    TED:                  Oh, Christ, yeah.

41    RAV:                 Mind your language.

42    TED:                  Sorry.

43    RAV:                 Yes, well, everything that those Chri…Gentiles were before is

44                               -rinsed out-, -extracted-. They are -separated- from our grand

45                               teachings by that small group of 'disciples'. Pah!

46    TED:                  Yeah, so I heard.

47    RAV:                  And then they are -boiled- up, cleansed and -sterilized- with

48                               all that talk about 'loving their God'. That's…just not me.

49    TED:                   That guy they follow…who is he again?

50    RAV:                  Jesus.

51    TED:                  What? What happened? What did I do now?

52    RAV:                  No, Jesus, Jesus Christ. That's the guy's name. Jesus Christ.

53    TED:                  Oh, right, right. Yeah, 'course it is.

54    RAV:                 Then they sit and -ferment-, talking about the 'Old Testament'.

55                               Not me, no, sir.

56    TED:                  What is that all about, eh? 'Old Testament'?

57    RAV:                 Beats me. But they are so -settled-, so sure of themselves.

58                               It is quite an achievement to do this in our time of unrest.

59                               They are -stabilized- with their 'Scriptures', with no

60                               -cloudiness- of mind.

61    TED:                  Those Chri…Gentiles, they're a bunch of special -cases-,

62                               if you ask me.

63    RAV:                 Yes, well, it was nice meeting you...err?

64    TED:                  Ted.

65    RAV:                 Yes, Ted. But I have to -wrap it up- here, Ted, I've got a

66                               circumcision at 4.

67    TED:                  Oh, right, well, sorry to hold you up. Have a good one!

68    RAV:                  …yes, quite.

69       SFX                   RAV'S SET OF FOOTPRINTS MOVES OFF.

70    TED:                  Okay, well, Shalom!

71       SFX                   VOICE OF RAV FURTHER AWAY.

72    RAV:                  One born every minute…

73    TED:                  Sorry?

74    RAV:                 And 'peace' upon you, too…shmuck.

My take of TIW Challenge 67

Well, here's my take of TIW Ch.67 :-) ...going into Dani's Shorts 3...
The quotation marks are set in 'Hungarian'...for a reason (hehe)

Challenge 67 (The Gods, cocktails, irrigation boots, dice)

"Just throw the dice, you’re stalling, Hades."
„Quiet, I’m thinking.”
„The time for that is over,” remarked Poseidon. „My sea monster will eat your three-headed hellhound for lunch.”
„One hell of a boast from a man in a loincloth,” sniggered Ares, sharpening his sword on the tip of Mount Olympus.
„Watch it, or you’ll know where I can sharpen this,” he replied, threatening Ares with his trident.
„Now, now, it’s just a friendly game, boys.” Aphrodite tried to calm them down. „Where’s the love?”
Zeus pointed down to Earth, on a little isolated beach occupied by two humans, a man and a woman in an embrace.
„There. Can I get a zoom on that, please?”
They all shook their heads. Hades threw the dice and ’whooped’.
„Looks like I take that damn sea monster of yours out of the picture, Fishboy.” He picked up Poseidon’s piece and put it in his pocket. „I’ll save that for later, you never know when it’ll come in handy.”
„Why you…!” Ares held Poseidon back from striking Hades.
„Now then, now then! Enough!” Zesus commanded. They all settled down. „How about we all get some cocktails and relax a little, eh? We’ve had our fun for the day.” Zeus clicked his fingers and a waiter appeared.
„Yes, my Ultimate Master of All we See?”
„We’d like some cocktails.”
„Why, of course.” The waiter took out his chalk and slate.
„Ladies, first.” Zeus gestured over to Aphrodite.
„Sex on the Beach, please.”
They all looked back to the isolated beach Zeus had pointed to earlier.
„No, „Sex on the Beach”, vodka, cranberry juice…”
„Yuck, cranberry juice! Oh well, each to her own. You, the one with the trident.”
„Poseidon, Zeus.”
„Yes, you, Fishboy. What would you like?”
„A Blue Lady.”
„I bet you would.”
The waiter whispered in Zeus’s ear.
„Oh, right. Gin, huh?”
Poseidon nodded.
„And you, Dead Dude?”
„A Shit on the Grass, please.”
„Look, Hades, you’re on Olympus now, not down below in your own little underworld. We do have toilets up here, you know…”
The waiter tugged on Zeus’s gown.
„Oh, don’t tell me…”
„Kahluá and Midori Melon Liqueur, my Ultimate Master of All we See.”
„Okay, okay. And you, Ares? How about you?”
„A Cosmopolitan.”
They all stared at him for a moment.
„You could have any cocktail, absolutely any, and you ask for a Cosmopolitan? So dull, Ares, so dull.”
„Well, I did want a Pina..”
„Don’t we all.”
„Well, father, what would you like?” asked Aphrodite.
 „Tequila Sunrise.”
They all moaned.
„Well, what did you expect? Okay, so whose turn is it next, anyway?”
„Yours.”
„Oh, super!” Zeus leaned over the Earth to take the dice from the other side and tipped the place a little. A flood began and they all heard screams and suffering from across the land below. Chaos reigned and the couple on the beach had been washed away by a huge tsunami. „Whoops. Perhaps it’s time I got someone to invent irrigation boots…”

Genre Mash Up Part 2 (complete)

Well, Miranda at TIW tried another week of Genre Mash Up, 150 words a day, 3 elements (crocheted scarf, marshmallows, baby bottle warmer) and different genre. Again, I wrote it up (anyone having deja vu? Yes, this is the same post but updated)...it's not even on the forum, just on TIW facebook group site. I'm the only one who did it...last time DL had a go at a few of the genre. Only me...
Here is the whole story :-) I think it went well :-) What do you think?

Genre Mash Up 2 - Part 1 26-05-2014 - Satire

"Where can I plug this in, then?" Todd held the baby bottle warmer in both hands.

"Look, we're in the woods, we're camping." The fire grew stronger with every prod of my stick.

"What? Do you mean that there's nowhere to plug this in?" He searched around the small clearing, looking for a socket.

"You're just gonna have to survive without it for a few days." I relaxed back in my three-legged fold-away camp stool, almost falling off. "Come, the baby's sleeping now. Have some toasted marshmallows with me."

Todd sat down on the log beside the fire.

"What are we gonna do?" He took out his tablet and stabbed at the screen. "There's no Wifi here!"

"Relax. There's lots of things to do. I'm going to start on that crocheted scarf I've always wanted to make."

He continued poking and flicking through screens.

"Is there an App for that?"

Genre Mash Up 2 Part 2 27-05-2014 - Horror

The flame of the fire flickered and a cool breeze blew through the clearing.

"Is it me or did the temperature just drop?" I put my toasted marshmallow down and headed for a blanket somewhere in the tent.

"Nope."

"What?"

"There's no App for making a crocheted scarf." Todd huddled over his tablet. There was something strange about him tonight, more than usual. I rummaged through the tent and finally found a blanket. It had grown quiet outside since entering.

"Todd?" With the blanket around me, I poked my head out. He no longer sat by the fire, only the baby bottle warmer and my marshmallows were there. "Todd?"

Tenaciously, I returned to my stool and watched the flames dancing in the weakening light. A sudden sound to the right caught my attention.

"Todd? Is that you? Todd?" A hand touched my left shoulder, I jumped up, losing the blanket.

Genre Mash Up 2 Part 3 28-05-2014 - Dr Suess

                       "Wanna play a game?"

said Todd, throwing the baby bottle warmer from one hand to the other.

"It's not the same as any other game.

                                                                You can even call your mother."

"What's the game, Todd?"

He grabbed some marshmallows and stuffed them up his nose.

He popped them out,

                                   fell about,

                                                      and put them 'tween his toes.

"What kind of game, Todd?

                             Won't you ever tell? Oh!

Does it include a crocheted scarf?

                                  Or maybe some jello?"

"There is no scarf, not even half,

And as for jello…

                                maybe a marshmallow.

He placed some inside the warmer and dropped it in the fire.

He laughed and danced and jumped around,

                                      and watched the flames grow higher.

"Todd, are you okay?

                                                  You seem a little weird.

You 'll wake the baby with your noise!

                                      All this is worse than I'd feared."

"Let's play another game that's not the same," he jeered.

Genre Mash Up 2 Part 4 29-05-2014 - Sonnet

(104 words....can't do 150 words in this genre..)

When the marshmallows are toasted ready,

And the stars still shine in the cool wind night,

With our sweet muppet cuddlin' his teddy,

Under a dreamlike moon all silver and white,

And the baby bottle warmer we leave

By the fire, forgotten and unused,

And the crocheted scarf you never did weave,

With this little dumb sonnet I have mused,

I sing of your wond'rous beautiful hair,

And vixen smiles which take a good man's heart.

No one can resist as they stop and stare,

'Cause you're basically a common tart.

And nothing tonight can change what will be,

So shut up and start being nice to me.

Genre Mash Up 2 Part 5 30-05-2014 - Sci-fi

"Yeah, sorry, Todd. I know, I have been a bit of a bitch recent..."

Flashing lights and an ominous whirring sound from above filled the clearing. Instinctively, I ran for the tent where our baby slept. Before I got there, a small uniformed alien appeared.

"Stop, human!"

Still holding some toasted marshmallows on sticks, I flung them and they stuck to its helmet.

"Ah! I am under attack!"

"Watch out for any crocheted scarves they may have," spoke its communicator.

"I don't have one of them, but I have...a HOOK!"

The alien cowered as I held out the tool.

"You're bluffing! You would never use it!"

"But I will use this!" shouted Todd, coming up behind. "This Universal Quantum Spectral Explosive will blow us all to kingdom come!" Todd menacingly held up the baby bottle warmer.

"You humans are crazy! Commander! Take me up!" And with that they were gone.

Genre Mash Up 2 Part 6 31-05-2014 - Action / adventure

With the UFO gone, and the baby still sleeping peacefully, the realisation that something else pressed upon our minds came to being. 200 yards away was the only outside toilet for miles, cleverly disguised as a cesspit surrounded by wooden planks.

Todd was the first to move, sprinting past the fire, making the baby bottle warmer topple. He moved into the woods towards the man-made shithole. Dropping any thoughts of weaving a crocheted scarf, I saundered over to the fallen bottle warmer and picked it up. It had been a long time since I'd used my shotputt skills as college champion two years in a row, but I aimed and threw it well, slinging it in Todd's direction. I heard a thud, quickly followed by breaking branches and twigs.
Bingo. Scoffing what marshmallows were left, I victoriously used the wooden contraption while Todd shat in the bushes with the bears.

Is there anybody out there?

I got this comment on my blog (in Arabic) from Yuyu Ali...I think it's the greatest!

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Home Services Company
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Carpet Cleaning Company news
Used Furniture site

It confirms my suspicions on a lot of website traffic. I've been analysing TIW web statistics, even looking at my own and saw some similarities. Are there any real people out there? Maybe for websites with money behind them like youtube.com, but for little blogs such as mine? I know there are a few of you out there, but there are many more BOTs. I will, however, continue to write...:-)

Today's post...calm before the storm

Mmm, what to say, what to say...
Getting some numbers and stats together and things look very strange...but may just be me.
Getting ready for Challenge 66 (Grudge 6) - it's going to be a strange one, too. All 4 writers have said they are having some trouble with it, not in terms of writing but in terms of p.c. for want of a better term. We'll have to wait and see.
Got myself in another Grudge but that's in August, so I can concentrate on 'Torn' and wait for something to happen with "How to"...no news...
So...not much happening...the calm before the storm?