Here's my take of Challenge 74 (a bit late). I hope it invokes a reaction...:-)
The Spirit of Aragorn
TIW Challenge 74
(elements - horse, umbrella, car battery,
told from the point of view of a defense attorning invoking the Stupidity
Defense. (The attorney pleas stupidity, rather than insanity))
"I invoke
the Stupidity Defense," said defense attorney Todd Ranson in the most
serious tone he could produce.
"Oh, Mr.
Ranson, I wish you wouldn't," replied Judge Theadore, scratching his long
dappled nose with a hoof. "Do you have to do this every time a human comes
to our court?"
"Err, yes, I
do, Judge Theadore. It's because they are." With humans, it was the only
course of action. Everything they did was stupid.
"Okay, Mr.
Ranson. Please, once again, enlighten the court as to this human's stupidity,
or as you have so rightly put on so many occasions before, the stupidity of
their whole entire race."
"Thank you,
Judge Theadore." Todd Ranson looked over to the bewildered human seated in
the guilty chair holding a car battery and umbrella. The shock of reaching the
court of Equus Ferus Caballus was perhaps too much for the fool.
"As you can see, my learned colleagues, this poor specimen of a human is
still in possession of the very same tools which substantiate his guilt."
Clip clops of acknowledgement came from the jury. "The car battery it
tried to connect to the wire fence which surrounded the victim, and the
umbrella which saved itself from the pouring rain." The human realised and
immediately hid the said items. "And now it probably thinks 'out of sight,
out of mind'. The signs of a poor, delusional creature."
"Oh, Mr. Ranson, get to the point," grumbled Judge
Theadore, neighing in boredom.
"Well, as you all know, the human race believes that
it, and it alone, is the only true intellectual group on planet Animalia, or
Earth as they call it." More clip clops and some irate neighing filled the
courtroom. "Does this not show how stupid they are, to ignore the pleas
and calls from other animals of their destructiveness and selfishness on this
planet, dismissing their fellow passengers on this journey of life as mere
nonsense and noise?"
"Objection! You cannot put the faults of a whole race
on one individual." Prosecutor Red Randalf stood up with two hooves on his
desk.
"Objection overruled, Mr. Randalf. Don't you want to
get to your oats as soon as possible?" asked Judge Theadore. The
prosecutor neighed and stood down.
"Thank you, Judge Theadore. Now, not only do these
savages…" Todd nodded over to the human "…continue to enslave,
manipulate and murder themselves and other species such as ours, they also
still believe in a non-existent entity they call 'god'."
"Isn't that 'dog' spelt backwards, Mr. Ranson?"
asked Judge Theadore.
"It is, your honour, a fact lost on these sad moronic
parasites. And not only do they believe in such a non-existent entity, but
everything that happens in their lives, they attribute to 'god', whether good
or bad."
"No matter how many times you say it, Mr. Ranson, it
just doesn't get old." The judge and his cohorts neighed in laughter with
the whole courtroom giggling. "Everyone knows the universe is controlled
by the Spirit of Aragorn."
