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Sunday, July 13, 2014

The Iron Writer Party Line collaboration +

Hey! Today I got a mention in 'The Irena Kralj Weekly'...my freebies on Smashwords...look down in 'Arts & Entertainment' and I'm the 2nd one mentioned :-) Thanks Irena! @irenakralj
http://paper.li/irenakralj/1309707304

And something else...Mathew and I did another collaboration in the TIW Group, and a few others joined in, namely Tony Jaeger and Jordan Bell (ding-a-ling!)
Here it is! (It's rather long...)

"The Iron Writer Party Line"


Dani
"Hello, this is the Iron Writer Party Line. Press 1 if you'd like to Kill Brian, Press 2 if you'd like to praise Mamie's big hair, Press 3 if you'd like to kick Jordan's ass in a challenge, Press 4....etc "
Jordan Bell
Press 4 to talk to the Gecko.
Mathew W. Weaver
 ...press 5 to begin guessing who The Weaver is, press 6...
Dani
Press 6 for Tony 'No Show' (silence)...
Mathew W. Weaver
.... You have pressed 4. Do you confirm?
Press 1 to confirm. 2 to go back. 3 to proceed
Dani
 You have pressed 4. Do you confirm? Press 1 to confirm. 2 to go back. 3 to proceed...
Mathew W. Weaver
You have pressed one. Connecting.Please hold
Dani
"I AM holding! I've been doing this for the last 20 minutes...!"
Mathew W. Weaver
We are sorry. Please hold while we connect you to the Gecko
Dani
"The what? Hello? Hello!..."
Mathew W. Weaver
Please hold. The Gecko will be on momentarily
Dani
"The Gecko? What? What the hell? Where's the Iron Writer Party Line? Hello?"
Mathew W. Weaver
... would you like to press 5 and begin guessing who The Weaver is? Press 1 to acknowledge, 3 to go back
Dani
"No, no, no! Who give's a flying f.... don't they have any humans on this!
Mathew W. Weaver
... you have dialled 7.
Please hold
Dani
"Seven? Seven? When the hell did I press seven?"
Mathew W. Weaver
"Hey there! How can I take yer order?"
Dani
"Sorry...hey! You're human! You! I've been running through your bloody phone system for almost half an hour now and....eh? What order?"
Mathew W. Weaver
"This here's Sam's Steak and Grilled Pizza! Don't knock it till you've tried it!"
"What kin ah get ya?"
Dani
"What? Sam's what? Pizza? What the...?"
Mathew W. Weaver
Redirecting.
Would you like to press 5 and begin guessing who The Weaver is? Press 1 to acknowledge, 3 to go back
Press 1 if you'd like to Kill Brian
Press 2 if you'd like to praise Mamie's big hair
Press 3 if you'd like to kick Jordan's ass in a challenge
Press 4 to talk to the Gecko
Dani
"What? Hell, I'm gonna press 8...! See how ya like that!"
Mathew W. Weaver
You have pressed 8. Press 1 to confirm, press 2 to return
Dani
"Finally! Getting somewhere!"
Mathew W. Weaver
You have confirmed. Please hold while we connect you to "Guessing Who The Weaver Is"...
Dani
"What? No, that was 5! I'd rather bloody Kill Brian! How do I go back on this? Hell! No!"
Mathew W. Weaver
Connecting
"Hello?"
Dani
"...err, Hello...(cough)..."
Mathew W. Weaver
"You have reached the Gecko! Ask and ye shall receive!"
"...hello?"
Dani
"Oh, right. Err, hello, 'Gecko'. Now, err...erm...okay...erm....The Weaver, huh? Erm...is he LeBron James?"
Mathew W. Weaver
"The Weaver? What the heck is that?"
Dani 
"The Weaver. Your system just put me through to "Guessing Who The Weaver Is". All I wanted to do was speak to Tony 'No Show'. Who are you?"
Mathew W. Weaver
"I told you. I'm the Gecko,"
Dani
"The Gecko? What the hell is that? Look I don't know who you are but I want to complain to someone in charge!"
Mathew W. Weaver
"Look pal, you called me. And for the record, I haven't a clue what the Gecko is. Jordan came up with it,"
Dani
"Jordan? Who the hell is Jordan? And don't you 'pal' me, mate! I've been waiting for over half an hour to get in touch with Tony 'No Show' and all I get is a screwy phone system and your sorry arse!"
Mathew W. Weaver
"Well, you're stuck with me, pal, for better or worse. What's with this 'No Show' dude you keep harping about, anyway?"
Tony Jaeger
You've reached Tony No Show, I'm not here right now, but please leave me a message, and I'll... I dunno, get back to you and stuff
Mathew W. Weaver
"Who the heck are you? And how did you get on this line?"
Dani
"What the f....! Oi! You! Tony 'No Show' I'll give ya a piece of my mind, I will! You, Gecko! Get yer boss on the line! I wanna see the Complaints book!"
Mathew W. Weaver
"Whoa, bro. This is way over my pay grade"
Tony Jaeger
Hey, this is Tony No Show. Please don't ask me for the complaints book. It's a big Damn book, and really heavy
Mathew W. Weaver
"Hey, quit hogging the line! This is a personal paid-for call here!"
Dani
"Hey! I wanna speak to the boss! Get me your boss on the line!"
Jordan Bell
Herro, you wan terriyaki, you call wight place. Sofa king goo fry duck aso. Wanton!? You wanten wanton! Got you covahd. Like jimmy hat.
O. Herro, I see. Wong numba!
Dani
"What? Hey! Is this a crossed line? What?"
Mathew W. Weaver
"Who the.... did you say terriyaki?"
Dani
"Where's the boss!"
Dani
"No I didn't! That was some screwball Chinese dude! Where's your boss?"
Jordan Bell
Wat on stick? Herro?
Mathew W. Weaver
"Terriyaki?"
Dani
"Get off the bloody line! Hell...!"
Mathew W. Weaver
"Just a sec, now, Chief. Hey, Chinese dude,"
Jordan Bell
Confucius say, wong numba asso jerki boy!
Mathew W. Weaver
"Hey, hey, hold it. How's your roast duck?"
Jordan Bell
Brrrrcccchhhkkkk! We're sorry. The number you have reached has been disconnected.
Mathew W. Weaver
"Wait your turn, Tony boy,"
"Oh for the love of...."
Dani
"....were you ordering food on MY call?"
Jordan Bell
Press 4 for the The Geico Gecko
Dani
"I...oh, go shove your head in a....." (click) .duhhhhhhhh...
Mathew W. Weaver
(static)



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