TIW Novel entry :-) Chapter 1...

January was difficult. Broke my wrist in December, trying to recover from that, and handed in the first Chapter of the TIW novel (see first half of it below).
I also had an idea for a kid's book, an idea for a Dr Seuss book, and an idea for a sequel to...
'How to Build a Castle in Seven Easy Steps'...which is still out there, waiting for a home...
http://www.amazon.com/Build-Castle-Seven-Easy-Steps-ebook/dp/B00SOZYR6G

Here's the first half of Chapter 1 of my TIW Novel entry "Along Bobbed a Peanut"...I might change it as I go on, though...

Chapter One

"Have you noticed..." began Nigel. His partner-in-crime, Horris, opened one eye from his early morning nap and glared. "Have you noticed..."

"Not yet, no," replied Horris.

"...that certain chocolate bars these days are smaller?" He held up an empty wrapper of an example he'd eaten much earlier for all to see. The two of them in the boat. "They weigh exactly the same but..."

"What's your argument, Nigel? That as the years have passed, chocolate factories across the globe have surreptitiously recalibrated their machines, millimetre by millimetre, milligram by milligram, to decrease the size of their products and increase the weight of their packaging so that their loyal sugar-toothed consumers continue on in their sad little cocoa-driven lives, unaware of this atrocious, villianous conspiracy?"

"Err...yeah, something like that, yeah." Nigel dropped the empty wrapper into the boat and glanced over the side. "They're not biting this morning, are they?"

"No." Horris shifted his fishing hat to cover his forehead and continued with his nap. It wasn't long before Nigel woke him again, moving the boat and splashing water. "What are you doing?"

"Eating," munched Nigel.

"What? You into sushi now? And when did you start catching fish with your hands?"

"I don't, I mean I'm not, erm...I'm eating peanuts." Horris heard the crunching.

"Peanuts? I thought you'd eaten everything you brought?" Where had he stashed them?

"I had."

"Then..." Horris shifted his hat back up to cover his bald patch and opened both eyes. He saw Nigel scooping peanuts from the river. "Since when do peanuts come from the water?"

"Since now, I guess," smiled Nigel, who seemed happy and content with his find. Looking up river and down, Horris observed a thin line of peanuts floating on the surface of the water, moving with the flow. "Not very salty, though, but they hit the spo..."

Tasting a single peanut floating by, Horris noticed they sat in silence. Nigel's face had turned white, his arm like stone, with his hand hidden under the water.

"What is it?" asked Horris. Last time he'd seen Nigel this spooked was when he'd lost his change down at the Mad Cat and couldn't get that last short. Nigel slowly lifted his hand, water dripping into the river. "What is...holy shit!" Nigel gripped a thin, white wrist, a feminine hand hanging limp from the joint with the connecting arm disappearing into the dark depths...

 

Probably the BEST quickies ever...

There were two new TIW Weekend Quickies hidden on the TIW website, so I tried them.
They are probably the best I've written for a while. What do you think?

Snow Day

(Elements: a Snow Day, Cajun food, a letter to a stranger. 150 words)

 

It was a snow day like no other. The drifts were six feet deep, some reaching ten, the roads frozen oceans waiting to crash against the rocks of the houses and street lamps were survivors of some unknown ship wreak, overboard and struggling to keep afloat above the white raging waves. The children, their schools shut for the day or week, no one cared, crunched through the soft cool cover with a fury, punching through the halted breakers and throwing snowballs to whomever they could find, while their guardians and providers of all stood aside, envying their every second.

It was that day she left us, dictating her last will and testament like some letter to a stranger, leaving her lifetime collections to her abundant loved ones, including her recipe for gumbo to Aunt Jemima. That day I would never forget.

And the children they played on regardless, unknowing. Innocent.

Allergy

(Elements: Superbowl halftime show, Peanuts, Allergic reaction to stadium seating. 150 words)

I held onto her hand, the machine breathing for her.

"I'm sorry, I thought it was the peanuts," I whimpered, looking over her face for some sign of consciousness. "I shouldn't have dragged you to the Super Bowl, but hey, it was a chance of a lifetime to bag those tickets. We had to go! How...How was I to know?"

Okay, she had a little eczema when she put on that special lingerie I bought her for our anniversary, but nothing like this. It started with a rash, then a little cough, though by the halftime show, she'd collapsed in the aisle, trying to escape. Give them credit, the medics knew exactly what to do.

"How was I to know? Polyamide? Polyamide? It's a damn plastic! How was I to know you'd have an allergic reaction to the stadium seating?" I sobbed as the ambulance rushed through the traffic.

New interview up on Stevie Turner's blog! :-)

Yes, Stevie Turner, great indie thriller writer agreed to interview me for my new book, 'How to build a castle in 7 easy steps'!
The interview can be found here....
http://www.stevie-turner-author.co.uk/interview-with-dani-j-caile

Or here...
https://steviet3.wordpress.com/2015/01/30/stevie-interviews-published-author-dani-j-caile/

The book can be found here...in Kindle and Paperback :-)

http://www.amazon.com/Build-Castle-Seven-Easy-Steps/dp/1940938430

...still only has one lonely review :-(

'How to build a Castle in 7 easy steps' on Kindle!

'How to Build a Castle in Seven Easy Steps' is on Kindle!
Come and read the sample at least!

http://www.amazon.com/Build-Castle-Seven-Easy-Steps-ebook/dp/B00SOZYR6G

The review is there, too...and I'm trying to sort out an interview...later :-)

Working on the next book, a dectective/murder story. I've got the main gist of it, just need to write it out...

5* Review of 'How to Build a Castle in 7 Easy Steps!' :-)

Got my first review of 'How to', from my ol' buddy Jasper T Scott, author of the 'Dark Space' series.
Looking for more :-)
http://www.amazon.com/Build-Castle-Seven-Easy-Steps/dp/1940938430

Here is the review!

5 stars!

If you enjoy a light-hearted tale with satirical and dry humor

By Jasper Scott on January 23, 2015

Format: Paperback

Hilarious! With his usual dry humor, Dani J. knows just how to draw a laugh from his readers. This book is no exception! I'm reminded of a number of older movies and television shows whenever I read Dani's work. The Carry On series of movies comes to mind, as well as the sitcom, Fawlty Towers. Then there's the American classic, Robin Hood Men in Tights. If you enjoy a light-hearted tale with satirical and dry humor, then you'll find this book irresistible!

...and here is a reader with the book itself! :-)

How to build a castle MAP

You can't see it yet because only the paperback is out at the moment... but there is a small Tolkien style map inside before the story. Gary did a fine job :-)

So, here it is... nice, huh?

My take of TIW C99..."Sucks"

Unfortunately, even with winning the Popular Vote, I only came 2nd in the TIW Winter Solstice Open Final. The 4 judges were very unkind to myself and another story, which I thought they would pick.
There was one piece of feedback...

4. Not So Neighborly : All elements present. I could see the try for humor, but, for me, the whole story was difficult to follow. To be truthful, I’m still not sure that I actually “got it.” Errors in grammar and syntax were distracting.

My feedback on this judge's feedback?
There were no errors in grammar and syntax in my story. I'm an English teacher, proofreader and philologist. What do you think, huh? This judge also mentioned another story had errors, which it didn't, BUT seemed to completely ignore the many errors in another. This judge is incompetent. And that shows because they didn't "get it". What is there to "get"? On a superficial level, it is a couple talking about the noisy neighbour. On a deeper level it is a comment on the "Je Suis Charlie" massacre, the neighbours being religions. Didn't get it, huh? No surprise.

TIW...it's been 2 years. I think "Dani's Shorts 4" will be the last. I am in Challenges 100 and 105. I will finish with it then.
But before that happens, here's my take on Challenge 99!

SUCKS

(cartoon image of writer drinking coffee, smoking and trying to write, a howdah, Told from a POV of an alien who views humans both as food and pets, floor buffer)


Stravskee said there were good pickings on this planet and he was right. He did warn me, however, that I’d have to watch out, as these beasts weren’t all as dumb as they looked, with their smooth hairless bodies and four protruding limbs. Some took them home as pets, finding their grotesque form ’cute’. How they thought that, I had no idea, they were disgusting, their habits and smells so alien to me. I was here for food. The light jump between the last few quadrants had made me peckish. It was time to taste this so-called 'food from the heavens'.
"Ben! Is there anymore coffee? I really need a refill."
One of them was bent over a wooden structure, with smoke escaping from a long tube in its mouth, perhaps some breathing device. Its body sat on a metal stool and with one of its free limbs, bled a blue liquid onto a pressed fibrous material, creating scribbles on its surface. My first meal.
"No, Lexi! I’m going down the pub! I’ve started the ’monster’ up!"
"What? No, honey, you can’t do that! How can I concentrate on writing my novel now?"
"Close the door! Anyway, you’re the one who chose it! I wanted a Henry but you had to go and buy this souped-up floor buffer!"
"It’s an XV-12!"
"It’s a menace, that’s what it is! It sucked up one of my slippers the other week!"
These creatures were noisy, with their many mating calls and gestures. I would pounce on this first portion of meat as soon as they quietened down.
"It’s just very efficient."
"You said it would ’free us to explore other roads’. Well, I’m off to explore Tooley Street."
"No, wait!"
"Why?"
"Can you bring me a refill?"
"What are you? Some Maharaja on a howdah? Get off your arse and get your own coffee!"
"Please!”
The closest creature held up some ceramic object. This was clearly a symbolic ritual of release from the mate as the other poured a liquid into the reciprical and left the area with a loud bang of wood. Another sound began further away but this did not bother the sitting beast, who began to bleed more blue liquid onto the fibrous material. It was time to make my move. I crept closer to the wooden structure, hidden by my cloaking device and looked up at my next meal. The file mentioned that there were many ways to down this creature, though from here it was difficult to make a sudden attack. It needed to be standing. I threw a sound grenade between the wood at the end of the confined area and heard the explosion.
"What the hell?"
The beast stood up and separated the wood. Now was my chance! I readied my stance and allowed my claws to extend to their full length. My mouth began to drool with the impending taste of blood. A large and loud machine entered my view, its pull was too strong...