Monday, July 9, 2012

3rd YouWriteOn review - Heinlein + Pratchett

The Rage of Atlantis by DAni J Caile

Here it mentions some great things and finally someone picking up on a few things about the genre.
Devolution definition...actually all these deifinitions are good, No.5 is the obvious one, but 1,2 and 3 are good too, and 4 connects to God.
1. A passing down or descent through successive stages of time or a process.
2. Transference, as of rights or qualities, to a successor.
3. Delegation of authority or duties to a subordinate or substitute.
4. A transfer of powers from a central government to local units.
5. Biology Degeneration.

A great paced extract
I really enjoyed reading this extract from a book quite outside my normal reading experience. I revelled in the pace - it came across as exciting, breathless, even crazy, which I guess is the effect you were looking to create. I also much enjoyed the plot, which had interesting interlocking elements. The appearance of God was great. I found myself wanting to read more.

I wonder if the characterisation is a little two-dimensional. This may be an effect of the genre, which I am not too familiar with, but it was not easy to care about any of them. Perhaps the investigator pair will grow into an attractive duet, but a lot of the others felt a little wooden and obvious: the heir-apparents, politicians etc. Maybe this is the effect you are seeking, so as to enhance the pace. It is just worth being sure!

The language was mostly great, and in parts very funny. 'On the other flipper' was a laugh out loud moment. It might be better to avoid so much alliteration and the piling up of adjectives. Both are good to use sparingly, but they become heavy and clunky if used too much, I feel.

You might want to glance at the first long paragraph especially. I found this difficult to grasp, and i am not sure the second sentence works in English. A little later, do you mean devolution or evolution? If you mean the opposite of evolution, it might be better to use another word than devolution, with it's specific meaning.

All in all, I did enjoy this. The blend of Heinlein with Pratchett is demanding but very engaging.

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