C115 (Science Fiction) + WQ139 (not) Lol

At the moment, I'm trying to finish up 'Dani's Shorts 5'...3 more challenges to go...so here are a few stories, today's Weekend Quickie, 139...can be found here...
http://theironwriter.com/the-iron-writer-challenge-weekend-quickie-139/

...or here...:-)


WQ139 – image of dried up river, relegation, insight

The team got off the bus and stared at their new training ground, a dried up riverbed.
"Looks like this place has had a bit of a dry spell," muttered Jenkins, the forward.
"Just like you last season. That's why we went down," replied Bobbings, the goalkeeper. They stood face to face, growling.
"Hey, now Bobbings," said Coach Furroughs. "The team was heading for relegation long before Jenkins did his 'magic', or not, as the case may be." The others laughed.
"Why are we here?" spat Richards, left back.
"What are you doing, Richards?" asked Coach.
"Putting some moisture back into the place. Why are we here? Where's the stadium?" asked Richards.
"No one had the insight to bung a few quid to the local council last season. We lost the lease of the stadium to the Girl Guides under-11 team."
"We should play them for it!" yelled Jenkins.
"We'd lose," said Bobbings. "Hey, has anyone seen my gloves? Anybody?"
"Sorry, all equipment was sold by the owner to pay for this place," replied Coach.
"But... this place is dead! There isn't even a single goalpost!" shouted Jenkins, who shared that honour with a cactus for the next two hours.

AND...Here's a parody of "Event Horizon" :-)

Challenge 115
Elements: Theme Song to Paladin, A Demonically possessed jar of Nutella, The Active Act of Mutiny, An Event Horizon

"This is an act of Mutiny, Paladin! I will make sure you are court-martialed for this!" screamed the demonically possessed jar of Nutella over the comm, a jar of Nutella which had taken control of the entire ship on the event horizon of the black hole. I crept on, searching the decks for the murderer of my crewmates, the monster that had destroyed all hope for mankind. The "Fishburnt" was on a mission, a mission to find the secrets locked within this black hole, a black hole that threatened our race, our species, our lives. Somehow, the strange energy surrounding this part of space had brought Doctor Weird's personal supply of Nutella to life. My only chance, humanity's only chance, was to find this evil jar of hazelnut and cocoa spread and put a stop to its dastardly plans of sending the ship straight into the black hole.

"I can sense you, Paladin! Muhahaha!"

With spoon in hand, like a ninja in the night, I moved from pillar to pillar, searching, smelling, making not a sound. The comm started up, an old western-style tune blasted out across the ship.

"Paladin, Paladin. Where do you roam? Paladin, Paladin. Far, far from home..."

"We can work together, Paladin. You can be my right-hand man," sneered the jar of Nutella. The song continued.

"Have Gun Will Travel reads the card of a man..." The song played on under the evil jar's words.

"Paladin, do you realise what this means? What wonders we will find on the other side?"It was babbling in its own ingredients. "We can be kings, Paladin! Kings of the universe! Muhahaha!"

I entered Doctor Weird's quarters and ripped the needle off his antique record player, the song stopping with a scratch.

"You... you found me!" The jar's voice was shaky, afraid.

"Where else would you be, Nutella? No one else on the ship eats the crap," I said, spinning the spoon in my hand. What I was about to do would make me sick, so sick I would puke for hours, but it had to be done.

"Now, Paladin, we can talk about this..." If I wasn't mistaken, the jar was vibrating with fear. I took the chair from the table, sat down and pulled myself towards the table where the jar stood. I banged my spoon on the table, putting it down next to the jar.

"Your senseless murdering stops here," I said and grabbed the jar in both hands, twisting off its lid.

"No! Don't do it, Paladin! You'll... you'll regret it!"

I punched the end of my spoon into the paper seal and ripped it off, and with one powerful stroke, I scooped up a dollop of Nutella and ate it. I choked on it and my head hit the table, my mind spinning.

"Ha-ha! You fool! When you all got your monthly jabs the other day, I included the genomes which create nut allergy! Goodbye Paladin! Goodbye!"

I grasped for breath which was not forthcoming...

Won 2015 Autumn Final Iron Writer! + C114

I won the 2015 Iron Writer Autumn Open Final, thanks to you and my friends. Also, thanks to Mathew W. Weaver...respect! He could have swamped me with votes but he didn't. He's a dude.

I'm also writing up all those Challenges I missed in the last 6 months, I now have only 8 (only!) to go...here's the latest one...:-)

Iron Writer Challenge 114 

Elements: 2015 Miss Gypsy Universe Pageant, A pick pocket contest, Hand Cymbals (the tiny ones, used between fingers), A red nose

“Come on, this has got to be better than selling socks from a bin liner,” smirked Tomi, nudging Virag in her exposed ribs.

“Not by much,” she scalded. “To think I won Miss Gypsy Universe Pageant 2015 for this. Working on the street, prancing around to the applause of Japanese tourists.” She wiped the sweat from under her arms and got ready for another dance.

“A lot of girls would’ve given their right arm for this gig!” he shouted. “But if they did, it wouldn’t’ve made such a good show. Get out there and make some money! I’m doing my bit.”

“Yeah, you’re mostly hanging around on the corner, smoking it all away,” she spat.

“What do you mean? Me and Csaba have got a contest on today!”

“What, a loping around and doing nothing competition?” They hadn’t pick pocketed anybody all day. The Boss wouldn’t be happy.

“You know the big stuff only comes out at night. Meagre pickings in the morning,” he said.

“Excuses. You wait until the Boss pops over, I bet you start working then,” she retorted.

“You watch your mouth! Now get going!”

She put on her headdress and hand cymbals and stepped out in front of the small portable display. Clicking a button, she started the music and began dancing, making sure she smiled and gave a glimpse of her alluring charms for every passer-by, whether a local or tourist. After about fifteen minutes, she took a breather and checked the ‘donations’ box. A few coins and a mint. Whoever gave a mint? She checked her breathe and ate it.

“What are you doing? Keep dancing,” said the fat man as he came closer. It was the Boss. She gave him a quick nod of her head in respect and tried not to laugh at his ludicrous red nose. He drank too much and it all concentrated into his big honker.

“Sorry, but I need a five minute break, I’ve been at it all morning,” she said.

“If you don’t start dancing right this instant, I’ll find you another place on the street, and it won’t be so classy, I can tell ya!” he grimaced.

Pushing herself up from her make-shift stool, she wiped her brow and started the music again. The Boss watched her for a while, a big smile on his face. A few tourists went by and gave a little offering. The Boss came a little closer.

“When you’re done for the day, come over, I’ve got something else for ya,” he said, grinning from ear to ear and holding his nuts. She almost puked on the spot. “Where’s that Tomi? And Csaba. They should be around here, working.”

“They’re around,” she said, enjoying the reprieve. She glanced across the square and spotted them together. Tomi didn’t look so happy. Maybe he’d already lost the pick pocket contest. He came over.

“Hey, Tomi!” The Boss gave him a strong handshake, and was surprised when Tomi stabbed him in the gut.

 

Iron Writer Challenges missed... C124

These last few days I've been trying to catch up with writing up some Iron Writer Challenges I missed these last six months. I made the decision to complete them for 'Dani's Shorts 5'. Then I realised how many I missed...lots! I've done 7 in the last 3 days, and have many more to go.
Here's the latest one, it was quite interesting to do, what with research and stuff :-)

Iron Writer Challenge 124 – The E. Chris Garrison Challenge 

Elements: the Grandfather Paradox, a selfie, a deck of Tarot Cards, mistaken identity

"Hello, dearie, how can I help you? Would you like me to read your palm? Or maybe have a look at your future in my crystal ball?" asked Madame LaRue Quelle as the man walked in. He looked so goddamn miserable. "Hang on, if you don't mind, I'd like a selfie with the saddest piece of shit I've ever seen." She grabbed her phone and took a shot.

"Who are you calling a piece of shit?" said the man.

"Sorry, mistaken identity. Can I help you?" she repeated.

"I'm a troubled man," he said.

"No kidding. How about a bit of fun on the ouija board?" she asked.

"Look, I just want to know something. I'm... I'm in a grandfather paradox."

"Uh-huh," she said. It takes all sorts.

"You don't believe me, do you?" he asked, getting frantic. "I'm in trouble."

"How about a Tarot card reading?" She took out her favourite deck of Tarot cards and laid three down, turning over the first. "Oh, the Queen of Cups, you know what you want."

"I was born a girl," said the man.

"What?" she said, not hearing right.

"Then I got pregnant and gave the baby away," he continued.

"Excuse me?" This man was a complete nutter.

"I also found out that I was a Hermaphrodite," he said.

"Oh." That explained a few things. His perfect choice in shoes, for one.

"Later I tried to find the baby but found out it had been taken and... disappeared. I mean, completely. No trace," he said.

"Ah-ha." This one might be a long twenty bucks.

"Then, I decided to live my life as a man and after some bad relationships, I found myself in a bar, talking to a man about my problems. He said he could make it all better," he went on.

"I wish," she said. Why her?

"He had a time machine. He sent me back and I found a girl who liked me, and we had a baby, then the man disappeared with the baby."

Things were getting really complicated.

"And now I'm confused. I just met me, the same me before the time machine. I had the same conversation with him as that man had with me. I think I need to follow him back. I think I need to take the baby and send it back in time... to my birth," he said.

"Okay, now that's some really messed up shit. What you're saying is that not only are you 'you', but you are the 'man', the 'girl' and the 'baby' as well? Because of this time machine?" she asked.

"Yes," he said, smiling. "You understand!"

"I think I do," she said. "I'm quite intelligent, you know." She scratched her head. "There's a problem, though."

"Yes, I know. What happens now?" he asked.

"No, that's not the problem," said said. "If this is all true, you were never born to start with."

And with that he disappeared into thin air.

"Damn. No twenty bucks," she said.