450th post! 'The Bath Scene'

Why has Goggle changed my whole setup? I need to go around the houses to get here now...anyway...
Just have to share this part with you, what I call 'the bath scene' :-)

'How to build a castle in seven easy steps'
Part 22

Had the little wooden duck been strategically placed? Dilch hoped so.

"What news from the messegners, Dilch? Do they have an answer?"

Wondbarn scrubbed with his favourite sponge. He had a collection of strangely shaped natural sponges taken from the shore, placed along the side of his bath.

"Sire..."

The bull penis shaped sponge was already beginning to disturb Dilch.

"Yes? La la la!"

"Sire, there is an answer of sorts."

"Yes? Well, come out with it, Dilch. What did they say?"

"Probably something like 'Ahhh!', sire. Or maybe 'Urgh!'. Depends on the pain, I guess."

Wondbarn stopped scrubbing.

"You could've broken it to me a bit softer."

"Sorry, sire. I went to the camp, I saw what I saw. There is no reply, and no more messengers."

"A shame, a dying shame."

"Exactly, sir."

"There were a few more miles left in her, too."

"As the teeth go, sire, yes."

"Did you...?"

"No, sire, but I saw the other. Completely dead, stone dead. Good for afters, as the Perviams would say."

Wondbarn threw his sponge into the bath, splashing Dilch and displacing a little too much water. 

"Damn those Perviams! They think they can just ignore my like that, eat my messengers and force me to go down to the local market and pick out another play-thing! I've had it with them!"

"Sire, you could always go to war with them."

Wondbarn stood up, showing much too much of whatever he shouldn't to Dilch.

"Are you crazy, Dilch? Yes, of course my troops are superior to theirs, but the sheer waste of...of...of..."

"Life, sire?"

"No, wealth. It would take everything I have to fight them."

Wondbarn's head drooped.

Straponte ran in with a large smile, which was wiped off the instant he saw Wondbarn standing in the bath.

"No, Straponte, you're not disturbing us. What is it? My new toys?"

"Toys?"

Straponte was frozen in position.

"My war machines. Are they ready?"

"Ready?" Dilch gave him a kick. "Yes! Yes, sire, they're ready...well, yes, ready...ish."

"Ready-ish? What the hell does that mean?"

Straponte turned his head to continue the conversation.

"Oh, don't mind my 'perfectionism', sire. Ready, yes, they are, almost certainly."

"Almost?"

"Certainly."

"Dilch!"

Wondbarn's shout sent Dilch back into the wall.

"I'm right here, sire, no need to shout."

"Just trying out my battle cry."

"Your battle cry is my name, sire?"

"It is when I'm in trouble."

"Thank you, sire." Dilch looked over at Straponte, who was showing signs of weariness and worry. "You still owe, me, git."

"Pass me my towel, Dilch."

"With pleasure."

"To arms, my dear fellows, to arms!"

"Shouldn't you dry your back first, sire?"

"Give me that towel!"

Authonomy crashed??? Jottify then...UPDATE

I have absolutely no idea what happened to authonomy. Maybe I put my new book on and it crashed..."Oh, no! Not another one! I can't take it!" (pop)
So I'm putting the 1st 10,000 words on jottify.com (a very quiet site, unless you're a poetic genius and 24 hour social junkie)...here it is (this is the link)...please leave a comment and a real name, I'd like to use them in/on the printed book.
I should 'win' NaNoWrimo this year, as much as you 'win' it - it's a personal writing challenge.
And Iron Writer Challenge 40 (Grudge 2) is beyond me, it's 'poetry' and a certain type - so alien to me - I'll have to keep it in the collection, but I'll put a 'WARNING' notice on it..."Not for human consumption".


Oh, I've never been top of the list on jottify before :-) 'History' is made...

'How to' - first 10,000 words (rough)

Well, for those who'd like to have a read, here are the 1st 10,000 words of 'How to'. They're a bit rough ATM, I'm feeling so well, maybe I'm hallocinating, whatever...here they are. Any comment would be well received. Any bad comment won't be. Give it to Grisham.

http://authonomy.com/books/56673/how-to-build-a-castle-in-seven-easy-steps/

Killing Brian Y Rogers

Yes, I've even 'killed Brian Y Rogers', along with other Iron Writers...

Coverscroll.com

Got myself on Coverscroll.com, a site with just covers. Here's a screen, 'Manna-X' is on November 19th, about halfway down...

Still working on 'How to', got a few 'eureka' moments...

Iron Writer and Nanowrimo and Life

Life and Nanowrimo (and Iron Writer for its part) is keeping me away from here.
So, here's a post.
Did Weekend Quickie #10, you'll find it here, along with some others which are just as nice :-)
Still working on 'How to', and it's coming along fine, so fine. 50,000+ words is easy, but it has to be the RIGHT words. Beginning is here.
And here's my 'take' of Iron Writer's Challenge 39, if that's what takes your fancy :-) This'll be included in 'Dani's Shorts 2' in about 4 months.

39 - Like father…

(can of Campbell’s Alphabet Soup, the phrase “Live long and Prosper”,  2000 year old Map of the Earth, empty Snuff Box)

"Why can't he be like other boys of his age, play Angry Birds, or collect football cards?"

Don chased his wife around the house as she put the ironed clothes away to their places.

"Do you really want him to be like all the other boys? That's not the guy I used to know. Whatever happened to the 'my boy will be different' speech?"

They had now moved to the kitchen and were getting the lunch ready. She opened a can of Campbell's Alphabet soup and shared the contents out into three bowls. Don put the first into the microwave and set it off for 1 minute 30 seconds.

"Gone. Especially when he starts collecting every Star Trek collectable he can find, wears those poxy suits everywhere we go and says that stupid phrase 'Live long and prosper' whenever he leaves a room!"

Their son came into the room wearing a red 'guess-who-will-be-killed-in-the-next-scene' Star Trek security guard shirt and a Geordi La Forge VISOR (Visual Instrument and Sensory Organ Replacement) device over his eyes. His mother waited for the microwave to 'ping', took the bowl out, put it on a tray along with a spoon and handed it over to her son. He left the kitchen, but not before…

"Live long and prosper."

"See?"

"So he has some…eccentricities."

"Eccentricities? Eccentricities! That boy needs help. We should call a psychiatrist."

"What? No way, darling, we're not calling a shrink. Our son's just going through a phase, that's all."

"Like the cutting and scribbling phase?"

"That was 10 years ago, Don. Perfectly normal for a five-year-old."

"What, taking my antique globe down from the shelf and scribbling all over my priceless copy of Agrippa's 2,000-year-old Orbis Terrarum which was wrapped around the top? Why couldn't he draw on walls like any other kid?"

"How was he to know that map was priceless? It was your fault for leaving it out like that."

Don slammed his palm on the counter.

"It was five feet up on the top shelf!"

"He's a good climber, isn't he? His P.E. teacher says he's doing well."

"What? I don't care what his P.E. teacher says! He's not the one whose 17th century snuff box just got turned into a James T. Kirk communicator!"

"You must admit, the lid does flip open like one."

"What?"

"Besides, you never used it for anything, it was always empty."

"It's an antique! Not a toy!"

Don's wife passed him a ham sandwich.

"Thanks. Look, I don't care what you say, he's not right in the head. I'm calling Doctor Leanstein."

"If you must, darling. But really, I think you're just as much to blame as anyone."

He put the phone down before having a chance to dial.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I'm as liberal as a wife can be, but there will come a point where I'll have to make a stand."

Don stood up in his pink negligee and matching silk brassiere and knickers.

"What are you talking about?"  

A post

I have a few minutes. How are you?
Didn't win the October WEbook challenge... I think my story wasn't scary enough, it was just a 'trial'. I would be happy, however, to be in the Top 5 in November. My 'first chapter' has already 132 views and 4 and 1/2 stars out of 5, so even if I don't 'get' anything, I've had some nice feedback which I can use later.
Working on the rest of the book at the moment. Is it just me? I found an anagram for 'vampire'..."I'm a perv." Yes, there will be vampires/cannibals in this one, and 3 stinky witches, and battling tribes, and hopefully a lot of laughs/giggles for you :-)
Still writing up all the challenges and weekend quickies on Iron Writer. Check out my latest Quickie :-)