More TIW Weekend Quickies...

I'm trying to catch up with the Iron Writer Weekend Quickies, I have 12 to go...but here are two of my latest...
(I'm on almost 6000 words on the new book, getting there)

WQ 110 (109) - Spongebob Squarepants, A skillet, A grandma wearing a tutu, 200 words

"Look, I'm not a chef, don't blame me," said Tony. "I'm no Spongebob Squarepants who can whip up a crabby patty in the blink of an eye. I need some time to get... acclimatized to the situation... now, where is the flour?" He searched the kitchen, opening all the cupboard doors but finding nothing.

"We all have to do our part, Tony. She's your grandma. We made a deal, today I have to take the kids to the performance, while you make your grandma her usual morning pancakes." She grabbed the car keys and headed for the door.

"Okay, okay, that's fine, but where's the skillet?" Tony stood there, an apron half-tied around his waist. She came back, sorted out the knot and took down the skillet from the rack.

"Anything else? Kids! We're off!"

"Okay, mum!" came a reply from upstairs.

Grandma walked into the room from the garden, a fairy wand in one hand, a plastic tiara  in her hair and wearing a ballet outfit, complete with shoes and tutu.

"I've just been over to the neighbors and wished the dog away. Damn barking kept me awake all night."

"Yes, grandma. Any idea where the maple syrup is?"

WQ 111 (Sunday) – Big Screen TV, The Avengers, Grilled Cheese Sandwich, The Red Sea. 150 Words        

“But come on, I want a ‘Big Screen TV’ that takes up the whole wall so I can watch ‘The Avengers’ and ‘The Age of Ultron’ on.,.on…on a ‘Big Screen TV’! Just like in the cinema! And have big whopping speakers to get that big fat Dolby Surround Sound!”

“The chances of you getting a ‘Big Screen TV’ are the same as you parting the Red Sea.”

“What do I work all week for, eh? So I can come home every night and watch some shit on this measly piece of crap!” Tucker threw his empty beer can at the television, narrowly missing the screen and hitting the cat. “Why can’t I finish my day watching a ‘Big Screen TV’?’

‘Because you work at Walmart.”

“Oh yeah.” Tucker sighed and flicked the channel.

“You want a grilled cheese sandwich?”

Tucker sat there, watching a ‘Friends’ repeat. “Yeah, alright.”

Writing THE book 2

Oh look, another post. I have finished the first part...yes, it's going to take a while, though I think it'll be short, this new book.
For a year I've been starting and restarting, creating beginnings, creating other beginnings, getting nowhere. Now I'm on a roll. I'm writing for myself, as it should be. I think my problem has been the "What would people read? What is on people's minds? What would hit them as 'hip'?" That's the 'John Green' thing. Don't get me wrong, people like John Green...it is a business, this writing thing. Why not write about something people have on their minds?
This latest idea of mine, this book, is about love, desire. If you can understand it. It also has teeth.
Maybe I'll put an excerpt on my blog...or maybe not.
Anyway, 'Dani's Shorts 4' went over the 250 free downloads mark, though still no reviews...
The TIW Ironology Anthology 2 should be out soon, I have a few stories in that...
A Summer compilation from the Indie Collaboration should also be coming out in June...
Hopefully, my Alice in Wonderland short story will be published soon (either by myself or in a compilation)....
And this book, too :-)
So, things to look forward to...
Plus a few TIW Weekend Quickies, worth a look...
http://theironwriter.com/the-weekend-quickie-118/

http://theironwriter.com/the-weekend-quickie-109-sunday-edition/

Writing 'THE' book...

It's been almost a year since I write anything over 20,000 words...I have 3, no, 4 ideas on the go, all at about 10k, but no more. But now, finally, one of them is begging to be written, 'THE' book.
...it will break rules...
...it will 'pretend' to be something it's not...
...it will be 'more' than you can see...kind of a 'codex' book
...but it will also be 'entertaining' as well as 'strange'...
 I already have a cover, a title and 'some' of the plot...('plot' you say?)...but all that later...
Other than this book which might turn out to be novella sized, there's a sci-fi waiting to be written and the sequel to "How to".
I'm still doing the TIW Weekend Quickies, so there will probably also be a 'Dani's Shorts 4 plus' later :-)

Weekend Quickie 114

Had a go at the TIW Weekend Quickie 114...just to see if I still had it.
Researched Soda vs Pop (where and who uses the words, plus any rivalries...Raiders vs Chiefs), used my hatred of lemon in my tea, reserched Johnny Carson's show, added Anne Frank's Diary, and hey presto!

http://theironwriter.com/the-weekend-quickie-114-sunday-edition/#comment-210287

(250 words: a lemon, Johnny Carson, Soda vs Pop, Anne Frank)

The lemon hit me straight in the forehead.
"What the...?" Lemons are hard, especially when thrown at high speed by your girlfriend.
"I've had enough!" She stormed out of the kitchen and went into the bedroom. By the time I'd rubbed my injury better, she'd packed a bag.
"Honey, what are you doing?"
"I'm leaving! I've had enough of you!" She searched through the bookshelves for treasures, including that ugly brown copy of Anne Frank's Diary and began flinging our ripped DVDs around the room, taking out her "Friends" and "24". A DVD filled with Johnny Carson's old shows from the 80s hit me in the eye.
"What did I do?"
She threw the books and DVDs into another traveling case and made for the door. I frantically picked up the mess she'd left on the floor, checking to see whether she'd damaged any of my precious "Monkey Magic" rips. She hadn't, they were still safely in their case.
"It's enough that you're a Raiders fan and I'm a Chiefs, AND that your guys beat us last time..."
"Well, I am from California," I replied, now rubbing my eye.
"And putting lemon in my tea when you darn well know that I HATE lemon..."
"Sorry, force of habit. You usually make the tea first and then I add lemon."
"But, but THEN, goddamn! THEN you ask for a POP?!"
"All I said was, can I have a soda?"
"I HATE you!" She slammed the door and the flat was empty.

Time for a post

It's been a while since I posted.
I'd like to say that everything is going swell, everything is going fine.
But all I see is 'smileys'...with a kick to the face.
After being asked to, I watched 'The Maze Runner' (and read a bit). 7 million readers can't be wrong.
Had an idea for a 'Maze Runner' parody. Would anyone read it?
Now? At the moment, waiting on any news from my new book "How to", watching a few downloads of my free ebooks go out every day, waiting for my next sale, waiting for any of my ideas to take root in my head so I can write them out...it seems I'm waiting...BUT nothing comes to those who wait.
So...back to writing...
On another note...
Well over 200 copies of 'Dani's Shorts 4' are out there somewhere! Not bad for 6 weeks, that's 40 downloads a week...OK, OK, I know someone who SOLD over 1500 copies in April (and that was a slow month for her), but these numbers for me are good.

https://www.smashwords.com/books/byseries/2766

1st Annual Dani J Caile, Quicky Yet Sardonic Invitational

Hey! Cool...some recognition...I'm touched.
After posting this...
http://danijcaile.blogspot.com/2015/04/2nd-year-anniversary-iron-writer-500.html
...Brian Rogers of the Iron Writer Challenge announced the "1st Annual Dani J Caile, Quicky Yet Sardonic Invitational", where other Iron Writers can try the same thing, a 500 word story from 1 element per weekly challenge :-)
Thank you, Brian!
Go to http://theironwriter.com and see what's happening...

BTW, Dani's Shorts 4 is almost at 200 free downloads!
https://www.smashwords.com/books/byseries/2766

2nd year Anniversary Iron Writer 500 worder

To celebrate the second year of The Iron Writer Challenge, I thought I'd do as I did last year and create a story with an element from each weekly challenge of the year, in order. All quite pointless, really, but a lot of fun,
Here's a link to last year's..."Waiting for the Equinox"
http://danijcaile.blogspot.com/2014/02/first-annual-2014-iron-blog-tour.html

And here is this year's :-)
Hope you like it...


Trouble at the Lodge

(500 words, 1 element from weekly challenges 59+61-109)

"Look, I'm an atheist, okay," said Dave, pushing through the revolving doors of the ski lodge.
"But you can't hit it with a wooden club, in fact, any weapon."
Dave looked at his companion. "Take that paper bag off your head when I'm speaking."
"No," said Bob.
"And irrigation boots? We're in the Alps!"
They walked to reception, where two staff members were playing rock/paper/scissors, another was eating breakfast with Thornwood tableware, and two others fought with light sabres in the back room. A Minion Dave plush ominously stood over a desk sign which said 'Caution: sharp edges'.
"Excuse me, but I'd like to report a broken thermostat."
"Why sir? What did it do?" asked the receptionist.
"It's broken." Dave gave his most evil stare.
"I'm sorry sir, but the horse has been taken to the halberdier's. We do, however, have a pink fairy armadillo..." He showed the creature from behind the desk.
"Is it gluten free?" asked Bob. Dave moved from 'evil stare' to 'WTF'.
"That would be the poodle, sir. You'd have to asked the bellboy." He pointed to an old genetically enhanced gnome drinking Dr. Pepper over by the lift. The gnome instantly took out his ninja weaponry, ready for battle.
"Looks nasty to me," muttered Dave, watching the kusarigama and fukiya.
"Don't worry, sir. Use a perfume atomiser and call his sons Saggitians. Works every time...sir?"
Dave was transfixed by the poster under the wall clock showing Neo from 'The Matrix' holding a Sooty puppet.
"How can that be?"
"Oh, that. It was our late manager's. We leave it there, out of respect."
"Late?"
"Yes, he suffered from Misophonia."
"He died from Misophonia?" asked Bob.
"He had breast cancer, sir." They stood in silence. "We also have his lucky goat's hoof," he said, "and his certificate of achievement from the Gloustershire Annual Cheese Rolling Competition, 2001." The ski lodge suddenly went dark due to the encroaching storm clouds. With a smile, the receptionist held out a Montblanc fountain pen and an entry form to the evening's Fried Bologna sandwich cookoff. "Would sirs like to attend?"
"I have too much facial hair," excused Bob.
"Not if I was the last person alive on Earth," said Dave. "Besides, I'm wearing my tap dance shoes and it's tame dinosaur bathing night."
"Bacon?" A grieving boy wearing argyle socks and Steampunk goggles came over. With one motion from the receptionist the boy was sucked up by a floor buffer.
"Anyway," said Dave, "I'd also like to report that the flagpole outside was knocked down by an enraged lame llama who was fed Haggis made from barn owls."
"Thank you, sir. I will need to change the lawn mower blade on the Star-Bellied-Sneetch machine and call for a terracotta soldier from China, then."
"One question?" asked Bob.
"Yes, sir?"
"Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?"
"Erm..."
"One more question?" asked Bob again.
"Yes, sir?"
"Can I buy a Moon rock here?"
"Where do think you are, sir? Venice?"