Another fantastic little story! WQ126

Yes! Another completely pointless 200 word story!
I do them every week, they bring out the best in me :-)
http://theironwriter.com/the-iron-writer-challenge-weekend-quickie-126/#comment-227414

And here it is here...just in case you didn't feel like clicking over and seeing a few others. You should, but hey...

Weekend Quickie 126 (image of a stainless steel tank and ‘machinery’, a prototype invention, An unanticipated by-product, Incredulity)


"Impressive," nodded the CEO, watching as Davis, his Head of Research ran around pressing switches, pushing knobs and pulling levers on the machine.
"It's only a prototype at the moment but as you will see, sir, it'll bring us success like we've never had before!" Davis held his pose and with one last press, the invention went into action. "By adding all the hippest beats, the sounds of the most recent Top 10 hits, the best of fashion, the 'happenist' moves of the moment from the dance floor, we can, with this, create the greatest 'Boy Band' ever!"
"This, I'd like to believe," said the CEO, fiddling his thumbs.
After a great hiss, out popped an all-singing, all-dancing 4 piece Boy Band.
"Aren't they great?" screamed Davis.
"What the hell is that?" pointed the CEO. From behind the boys came a sight which brought terror. Bill Cosby.
"No, I...I don't understand. How can this...?"
"Looks like your machine created a little 'unanticipated by-product'." 
Davis fell to his knees in utter incredulity and stared at the egotistical, womanising hedonist puffing out jazz melodies from his whiskered cheeks.
"So close, yet so far," smiled the CEO, closing the door behind him.

What's wrong with movies nowadays?

I tell ya, the SCRIPTWRITERS!
Cracked.com, love 'em, they make fantastic points about movies nowadays...
http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-stupid-characters-that-hollywood-now-puts-in-every-movie/

It basically comes down to creating 'action' movies and sequels and creating stuff which people will go and see again and again and again...here are the 6 main points...

1. No One Has Any Fear of Death
2. Movie Villains Can Instantly Pick Up The Skills Of The Heroes
3. Everyone Gets Magic Expositional Plot Visions
4. "Kickass" Female Characters that don't really do anything
5. Main Characters are now fated to be Heros
6. Characters are Aware that their movies are Ridiculous

I've watched these movies they're talking about. They're fine for the Popcorn people, but as stories they suck BIG TIME.
When will the Movie industry grow up and take some real stories and make them into movies....like mine :-)
In "How to Build a Castle in 7 Easy Steps", I can take all those 6 points (well, the 1st 5 because the 6th is for movies) and say I broke all of them.

1. Everyone has a fear of Death (other than the odd crazy)
2. The villians don't pick up the skills of the heroes
3. No one has any 'magic expositional plot visions'.
4. "Kickass" female characters DO kickass!
5. Main characters are basically trying to survive the book, one is hungry, the other is bouncing from one situation to another.

So there :-)

http://www.amazon.com/Build-Castle-Seven-Easy-Steps/dp/1940938430

Cecil the Lion or Mugabe the Dictator?

This Cecil story is bigger than just a dumbass American dentist paying $55,000 to hunt a lion.
Firstly, there are the Zimbabweans...they don't care much about lions, they don't even know who Cecil was...says 'conservativetribune.com'...and that lions kill and dismember "hundreds and thousands of babies" every year...yeah, right.
More like there's something wrong with the country, thanks to the Zimbabwean leader, Mugabe. It's an African country, come on, corruption is ripe. For his birthday, he had a $1million 'zoo food' celebration. WTF? In the early 2000s, he killed off more than 80% of the wildlife of the country with his new legislation to help the country...funny how the people are even poorer than they were before...
so, Zimbabwe...80% unemployment rate, insane monetary inflation and a hugely corrupt government.

It'll all blow over soon...Zimbabwe doesn't want this kind of publicity, Walter Palmer will need to extract teeth again...

New Review for "How to Build a Castle" Yay!

Now I'm on 8 reviews for "How to Build a Castle in 7 Easy Steps". Yay!
Thanks, @szakib for the short but great review!

5 stars - Highly recommended for overly rational people
by szakib on July 26, 2015

A completely absurd story, where philosophical cannibals are the sanest characters. Highly recommended for overly rational people, to take a break from their usual way of thinking.

Talking of rational people, this Walter Palmer, the dentist-cum-hunter, has no brain. Have gun, have opportunity to kill lions...#CecilTheLion...read all about it here...

http://www.boredpanda.com/cecil-lion-illegal-hunting-internet-backlash-walter-palmer-zimbabwe/

Weekend Quickie 125 + Esperanto!!

'Alice on the Outside-In' went over 50 FREE downloads in 24 hours. Cool :-)
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/563002
I even put it up in Esperanto...'Alico sur la Ekster-En' and now it's over 10 downloads...

And here's my latest Weekend Quickie!

125  - Pain, memories, image - woman in front of a mirror putting on veil for wedding

There's a strange woman sitting at her vanity dresser, arranging a veil. She's wearing a wedding dress.

"How do I look, darling?" She smiles in the mirror at me. Who is she? Why am I on a bed? Why are my arms and legs tied to the posts?

"What am I doing here? Last I remember is I popped into a gas station for some chips..." I shake myself awake and pull but the knots won't budge.

"You're right! It's unlucky to see my dress before the ceremony. What was I thinking?" She giggles but continues to mess with her veil. Is she completely insane? Memories of my own wedding day flood through my mind, the ring, the reception, the dancing. Three years and she took all I had. The pain still runs deep. But this? Do I know her? Do I know this woman?

"Do I know you?"

She drops the eyeliner and makes a dramatic gasp with both hands on cheeks.

"How...how can you say such a thing! Father!"

The door bursts open, a large man with a shotgun runs into the room. It's my turn to make a move.

"OK, so no Doritos. How about Pringles?"

NEW #FREE Short story

In celebration of 150 years of 'Alice in Wonderland' by Lewis Carroll, I wrote an updated short story to try for an anthology. Of course my style didn't fit their expectations (WHAT a surprise). I tried getting another anthology together but no one bit. So, here it is, "Alice on the Outside-In" for FREE on Smashwords. It'll be available on Amazon later for those who wish a thin paperback (61 pages, 45 the story itself).
Come, download, read, review :-)
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/563002

Yes, still here :-)

Yes, I'm still here :-)
Been busy.
Had a nice idea for a new novel, yes, novel, not novella. Cross between 9/11, Charlie, Die Hard 2 and Noddy.
Also did a nice sci-fi Weekend Quickie...(Iron Writer)

WQ 124 – elements: 200 words, image of a city, desperation, ‘a needle in a haystack’

The ship flew down to habitat level, skimming the taller buildings of the inferior alien race infesting the planet.

"Can sensors pick it up now?" screamed X1286382 (friends called him Bob).

"No," replied his co-pilot, X1295649 (Ted). "To coin a phrase, it's like looking for a 'needle in a haystack'."

"Don't use those colonials on me, Ted! I'm desperate! Where is it?" He pressed a few more buttons on the display, trying to hone in any search parameters available. Nothing.

"Sorry, I can't help you, I was having a rest last time we were here." Ted put his arms behind his head and closed his multiple eyes.

"Come on! You know what the guy looks like! You got it for me!" Globules of ooze secreted from his pores.

"They all look the same to me, Bob. 1 head, 2 arms, 2 legs. Some walk on all fours."

"Ah-ha! There!" An image zoomed in on the display, showing a busy city corner and a small wooden mobile structure. "Is that him? Is that him?" screeched Bob, pointing all his seven digits. Ted sighed and slumped forward to the display.

"No, not him. Really, Bob, it's only a hotdog."

"Only a hotdog?!"

The ship flew down to habitat level, skimming the taller buildings of the inferior alien race infesting the planet.
“Can sensors pick it up now?” screamed X1286382 (friends called him Bob).
“No,” replied his co-pilot, X1295649 (Ted). “To coin a phrase, it’s like looking for a ‘needle in a haystack’.”
“Don’t use those colonials on me, Ted! I’m desperate! Where is it?” He pressed a few more buttons on the display, trying to hone in any search parameters available. Nothing.
“Sorry, I can’t help you, I was having a rest last time we were here.” Ted put his arms behind his head and closed his multiple eyes.
“Come on! You know what the guy looks like! You got it for me!” Globules of ooze secreted from his pores.
“They all look the same to me, Bob. 1 head, 2 arms, 2 legs. Some walk on all fours.”
“Ah-ha! There!” An image zoomed in on the display, showing a busy city corner and a small wooden mobile structure. “Is that him? Is that him?” screeched Bob, pointing all his seven digits. Ted sighed and slumped forward to the display.
“No, not him. Really, Bob, it’s only a hotdog.”
“Only a hotdog?!” - See more at: http://theironwriter.com/the-iron-writer-challenge-weekend-quickie-124/#sthash.niKK2Jf8.dpuf

The ship flew down to habitat level, skimming the taller buildings of the inferior alien race infesting the planet.
“Can sensors pick it up now?” screamed X1286382 (friends called him Bob).
“No,” replied his co-pilot, X1295649 (Ted). “To coin a phrase, it’s like looking for a ‘needle in a haystack’.”
“Don’t use those colonials on me, Ted! I’m desperate! Where is it?” He pressed a few more buttons on the display, trying to hone in any search parameters available. Nothing.
“Sorry, I can’t help you, I was having a rest last time we were here.” Ted put his arms behind his head and closed his multiple eyes.
“Come on! You know what the guy looks like! You got it for me!” Globules of ooze secreted from his pores.
“They all look the same to me, Bob. 1 head, 2 arms, 2 legs. Some walk on all fours.”
“Ah-ha! There!” An image zoomed in on the display, showing a busy city corner and a small wooden mobile structure. “Is that him? Is that him?” screeched Bob, pointing all his seven digits. Ted sighed and slumped forward to the display.
“No, not him. Really, Bob, it’s only a hotdog.”
“Only a hotdog?!” - See more at: http://theironwriter.com/the-iron-writer-challenge-weekend-quickie-124/#sthash.niKK2Jf8.dpuf