Saturday, November 30, 2013

November 2013 VERSION 2.. what happened...

Version 2 - 1st version was too much 'poor me'...
Not much. After a crazy September of over 1000 downloads and a few sales, in November someone kindly bought a paperback copy of 'Manna-X' and also 'Dani's Shorts'. I have some nice feedback on the beginning of my new book 'How to', but I still haven't finished the skeleton yet. A little more, then I'll add description, senses, edits.

Got some 'LIKES' on my new facebook page, though :-) Thanks!

I'm a judge (again) for Iron Writer Grudge Match 2. I did my own take with the 4 'elements' and it was difficult because it had to be a certain type of poem (Terza Rima - a strict form!) I read the 4 contenders and they didn't do any better than me, so I'm happy. There are 2 good ones, 2 not-so-good ones. Only one of the poems uses all 4 elements correctly, and is more entertaining than the others. So I give my vote to that one (if you wanna know, just check them out yourself...

AND this blog got a mention on 'The Freedom of Speech Daily' here under 'Stories'...

Things to do... what happens in the November WEBook Challenge... Grudge Match 3 and see what happens (early/mid December..probably Challenge 42)...
...continue to write up the Iron Writer Challenges + Weekend Quickies until Week 52 and publish 'Dani's Shorts 2'...
...continue to work on 'How to' until it is finished and publish it to 'rapturous' applause....maybe...

Friday, November 29, 2013

And that's your problem

Sometimes I've got my 'hate' head on...

Priest: So you don't believe in God?
Me: No, I don't.
Priest: He is all around you.
Me: Is he? Okay, let's do a deal. You willing to do a deal?
Priest: I...err...
Me: For 10 seconds I'll believe in God.
Priest: Ah-ha...
Me: And then I'll tell you how I feel.
Priest: Ah, yes.
Me. And then for 10 seconds you don't believe in God.
Priest: I don't think I...
Me: Okay, here I go...
Priest: ...
Me. Right. At first I was happier, much happier. I knew God was responsible for everything in my life. Then I realised he was looking down on me and judging me and I felt guilty.
Priest: Oh, he...
Me: And now you.
Priest: I don't think I can do...
Me: Yeah, and that's your problem.

...and I'm the bad I killed 800 million people.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Feedback (so far) from a rough 'How to'

I already have a little feedback from about my 'How to' beginning, mostly some good solid points made - one guy said I should 'tag' my lines of dialogue..."I was never one for that," said Dani."Pass the salt," said Bob. "No," said Dani.
Need to sort my Short Pitch out...but here are the good things said, so far...
Debbie Roxburgh - "Well, this has certainly made me smile. I have been transported into a strange, madcap world of larger-than-life characters. Some of the scenes had a Monty Python feel to them as they are just so bizarre. There is also a strong element of fairy tale to it which makes for a refreshing mix.... it made me laugh..."

Jack Cerro - "certainly has the comedy angle"'s a bit quiet on both website, for me, ATM. WEBook is still 'happening'...
Alina Voyce - "Loved this! I've laughed my way through the first three sections and I'll be back to take a look at the rest as soon as I get a chance. You certainly have a talent for comedy, Dani!  I thought this first chapter was good, but this story just gets better and better!  :)"
SocialGadfly10 - "First let me say that you have a gift, to create such witty and down-right hilarious dialogue is something I can only dream of. This was simply brilliant..."
Erika Walter - "This was fast paced with great imagery and characterization. The voice was clear and spot on through all characters. It was corky and fun and light."
William Stone - "This was easy to read and fun. Good humor and tongue-in-cheek witticism. I would keep turning the page. Thanks for sharing and good luck."
EddieTol - "This was a fun romp, full of humor and tongue-in-cheek comments that work well together."
Aftab - "I do like this. It has the feel of some forgotten Monty Python sketch...Overall, very promising. I sense you'd make a good screenwriter."
Bob Lance - "How many times did I laugh outloud in 750 words? Three at least and lost my place each time. I wouldn't categorize the style or banter as whacky or confusing because I had a visual just from the dialogue. Dani, I have to have this book when you finish."
Ernest Lee - "...the wacky dialogue is very amusing indeed! I'd certainly be impelled to read."

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Facebook page

Yep, made one earlier this year but never promoted it. Now I'm starting. Please share it around, if that is, you want others to know :-)
Moving on with 'How to'...difficult day, had an afternoon of 'deja vu' and even what I can only describe as a 'vision'...are my 'art of dreaming' days coming back?

Friday, November 22, 2013

450th post! 'The Bath Scene'

Why has Goggle changed my whole setup? I need to go around the houses to get here now...anyway...
Just have to share this part with you, what I call 'the bath scene' :-)

'How to build a castle in seven easy steps'
Part 22

Had the little wooden duck been strategically placed? Dilch hoped so.
"What news from the messegners, Dilch? Do they have an answer?"
Wondbarn scrubbed with his favourite sponge. He had a collection of strangely shaped natural sponges taken from the shore, placed along the side of his bath.
The bull penis shaped sponge was already beginning to disturb Dilch.
"Yes? La la la!"
"Sire, there is an answer of sorts."
"Yes? Well, come out with it, Dilch. What did they say?"
"Probably something like 'Ahhh!', sire. Or maybe 'Urgh!'. Depends on the pain, I guess."
Wondbarn stopped scrubbing.
"You could've broken it to me a bit softer."
"Sorry, sire. I went to the camp, I saw what I saw. There is no reply, and no more messengers."
"A shame, a dying shame."
"Exactly, sir."
"There were a few more miles left in her, too."
"As the teeth go, sire, yes."
"Did you...?"
"No, sire, but I saw the other. Completely dead, stone dead. Good for afters, as the Perviams would say."
Wondbarn threw his sponge into the bath, splashing Dilch and displacing a little too much water. 
"Damn those Perviams! They think they can just ignore my like that, eat my messengers and force me to go down to the local market and pick out another play-thing! I've had it with them!"
"Sire, you could always go to war with them."
Wondbarn stood up, showing much too much of whatever he shouldn't to Dilch.
"Are you crazy, Dilch? Yes, of course my troops are superior to theirs, but the sheer waste of...of...of..."
"Life, sire?"
"No, wealth. It would take everything I have to fight them."
Wondbarn's head drooped.
Straponte ran in with a large smile, which was wiped off the instant he saw Wondbarn standing in the bath.
"No, Straponte, you're not disturbing us. What is it? My new toys?"
Straponte was frozen in position.
"My war machines. Are they ready?"
"Ready?" Dilch gave him a kick. "Yes! Yes, sire, they're ready...well, yes, ready...ish."
"Ready-ish? What the hell does that mean?"
Straponte turned his head to continue the conversation.
"Oh, don't mind my 'perfectionism', sire. Ready, yes, they are, almost certainly."
Wondbarn's shout sent Dilch back into the wall.
"I'm right here, sire, no need to shout."
"Just trying out my battle cry."
"Your battle cry is my name, sire?"
"It is when I'm in trouble."
"Thank you, sire." Dilch looked over at Straponte, who was showing signs of weariness and worry. "You still owe, me, git."
"Pass me my towel, Dilch."
"With pleasure."
"To arms, my dear fellows, to arms!"
"Shouldn't you dry your back first, sire?"
"Give me that towel!"

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Authonomy crashed??? Jottify then...UPDATE

I have absolutely no idea what happened to authonomy. Maybe I put my new book on and it crashed..."Oh, no! Not another one! I can't take it!" (pop)
So I'm putting the 1st 10,000 words on (a very quiet site, unless you're a poetic genius and 24 hour social junkie) it is (this is the link)...please leave a comment and a real name, I'd like to use them in/on the printed book.
I should 'win' NaNoWrimo this year, as much as you 'win' it - it's a personal writing challenge.
And Iron Writer Challenge 40 (Grudge 2) is beyond me, it's 'poetry' and a certain type - so alien to me - I'll have to keep it in the collection, but I'll put a 'WARNING' notice on it..."Not for human consumption".

Oh, I've never been top of the list on jottify before :-) 'History' is made...

'How to' - first 10,000 words (rough)

Well, for those who'd like to have a read, here are the 1st 10,000 words of 'How to'. They're a bit rough ATM, I'm feeling so well, maybe I'm hallocinating, they are. Any comment would be well received. Any bad comment won't be. Give it to Grisham.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Killing Brian Y Rogers

Yes, I've even 'killed Brian Y Rogers', along with other Iron Writers...

Got myself on, a site with just covers. Here's a screen, 'Manna-X' is on November 19th, about halfway down...

Still working on 'How to', got a few 'eureka' moments...

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Iron Writer and Nanowrimo and Life

Life and Nanowrimo (and Iron Writer for its part) is keeping me away from here.
So, here's a post.
Did Weekend Quickie #10, you'll find it here, along with some others which are just as nice :-)
Still working on 'How to', and it's coming along fine, so fine. 50,000+ words is easy, but it has to be the RIGHT words. Beginning is here.
And here's my 'take' of Iron Writer's Challenge 39, if that's what takes your fancy :-) This'll be included in 'Dani's Shorts 2' in about 4 months.

39 - Like father…

(can of Campbell’s Alphabet Soup, the phrase “Live long and Prosper”,  2000 year old Map of the Earth, empty Snuff Box)

"Why can't he be like other boys of his age, play Angry Birds, or collect football cards?"
Don chased his wife around the house as she put the ironed clothes away to their places.
"Do you really want him to be like all the other boys? That's not the guy I used to know. Whatever happened to the 'my boy will be different' speech?"
They had now moved to the kitchen and were getting the lunch ready. She opened a can of Campbell's Alphabet soup and shared the contents out into three bowls. Don put the first into the microwave and set it off for 1 minute 30 seconds.
"Gone. Especially when he starts collecting every Star Trek collectable he can find, wears those poxy suits everywhere we go and says that stupid phrase 'Live long and prosper' whenever he leaves a room!"
Their son came into the room wearing a red 'guess-who-will-be-killed-in-the-next-scene' Star Trek security guard shirt and a Geordi La Forge VISOR (Visual Instrument and Sensory Organ Replacement) device over his eyes. His mother waited for the microwave to 'ping', took the bowl out, put it on a tray along with a spoon and handed it over to her son. He left the kitchen, but not before…
"Live long and prosper."
"So he has some…eccentricities."
"Eccentricities? Eccentricities! That boy needs help. We should call a psychiatrist."
"What? No way, darling, we're not calling a shrink. Our son's just going through a phase, that's all."
"Like the cutting and scribbling phase?"
"That was 10 years ago, Don. Perfectly normal for a five-year-old."
"What, taking my antique globe down from the shelf and scribbling all over my priceless copy of Agrippa's 2,000-year-old Orbis Terrarum which was wrapped around the top? Why couldn't he draw on walls like any other kid?"
"How was he to know that map was priceless? It was your fault for leaving it out like that."
Don slammed his palm on the counter.
"It was five feet up on the top shelf!"
"He's a good climber, isn't he? His P.E. teacher says he's doing well."
"What? I don't care what his P.E. teacher says! He's not the one whose 17th century snuff box just got turned into a James T. Kirk communicator!"
"You must admit, the lid does flip open like one."
"Besides, you never used it for anything, it was always empty."
"It's an antique! Not a toy!"
Don's wife passed him a ham sandwich.
"Thanks. Look, I don't care what you say, he's not right in the head. I'm calling Doctor Leanstein."
"If you must, darling. But really, I think you're just as much to blame as anyone."
He put the phone down before having a chance to dial.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I'm as liberal as a wife can be, but there will come a point where I'll have to make a stand."
Don stood up in his pink negligee and matching silk brassiere and knickers.
"What are you talking about?"  

Monday, November 11, 2013

A post

I have a few minutes. How are you?
Didn't win the October WEbook challenge... I think my story wasn't scary enough, it was just a 'trial'. I would be happy, however, to be in the Top 5 in November. My 'first chapter' has already 132 views and 4 and 1/2 stars out of 5, so even if I don't 'get' anything, I've had some nice feedback which I can use later.
Working on the rest of the book at the moment. Is it just me? I found an anagram for 'vampire'..."I'm a perv." Yes, there will be vampires/cannibals in this one, and 3 stinky witches, and battling tribes, and hopefully a lot of laughs/giggles for you :-)
Still writing up all the challenges and weekend quickies on Iron Writer. Check out my latest Quickie :-)

Monday, November 4, 2013

Why am I still writing?

After losing one of the Iron Writer Equinox finals by 1 stinking vote (in a cut-short vote), I had thoughts of stopping.
...but (apologies to those who wish me to stop) I realised after a few days that no matter what, I like writing, and there are a growing number of people who like my writing. Even on WEbook, the latest website I'm trying out, there's an 'audience' for my stuff. Tonight I got a few more ideas, and I also realised that only I am having these ideas...for example, my family was arguing about how to say their.names in 'rhythm clapping'...strange, but hey. That got me thinking...

(musicians start arguing)
"No, it's 'dah dah de dah de de dah dah', always has been, always will be."

"What? Are you crazy? It's 'dah dah de de dah de dah dah'. That's how it's played."

"You are so wrong, my learned colleague."

"Learned colleague, my arse. You're always 'dah dah de dah'ing when you know for a fact that it should be 'dah dah de de dah de dah dah'!"

"Oh, 'de de dah tippy tippy dah dah'!"

"How dare you swear at me! 'De dah tippy dah de de tippy tippy dah dah'!"

"Don't you bring your mother into this! I hardly knew her!" who else would get that kind of idea! :-) It's in the next book :-)

Sunday, November 3, 2013

How to write (basic outline)

Thought I'd do a post on this, some basics, kind of like a computer program...remember, anyone can write, it's just a case of whether you can write anything 'good'...

1. Write something.
2. Read it. Did you puke? If you did, go to 20
3. You didn't puke? Wait until tomorrow...
4. It's tomorrow. Read it. If you puked, go to 20
5. So you thought it was pretty good? Go to 10
6. Rewrite what you wrote earlier.
7. Is it any good now? If so, go to 10
8. Ah, so it sucks? But it didn't make you puke? Mmm, let me think...
9. Stop fooling yourself, go to 20
10. Place your writing somewhere, jottify, WeBook, wherever you can get feedback from strangers.
11. Was the feedback good? If not, go to 1
12. Okay, so you might have something...
13. Write some more
14. Read it. Did you puke? If you did, perhaps the first was a fluke, so go to 20
15. Try writing in another genre or style, or take a writing challenge, ie. Iron Writer or Writers Write prompts.
16. Read your writing. If it was good, write more, go to 18
17. It wasn't good? Pick the best, they are your writing styles, and stick to them until you feel you can extend yourself to others.
18. Go write a book and market the shit out of it.
19. Sit back and dream...
20. Live your life. Go back to 1 when you feel like picking up a pen.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Halloween story on WeBook 'Same Old John'

Put a Halloween story up on 'WeBook', 749 words (500-750 word competition). In only a few days it got  4 stars and 5 nice comments. Win the ipad Mini? Don't think so...but who knows?
Go there and have a read if you wish :-) (maybe this wil take you there...if not, search for 'Same Old John'...

Lots of hits for Dani J Cailr on Iron Writer...

Looks like I'm helping 'Iron Writer' more than I think I am! :-)
If you look at the Iron Writer's website stats for October 2013, you'll notice here that the 1st real page is the Challenge 11 (my first win) which got over 10,000 hits in October (it was in May 2013). Then, the 2nd real page down there's the Autumn Equinox Final (which I lost by 1 vote due to sloppy management of rules and website) and finally the 3rd real page is the Autumn Equinox Hemingway Bracket (which I won)...'Dani J Caile' has a few friends :-)