Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Book Cover Reveal 'Dani's Shorts 3' UPDATE

Other people do them, I really don't know why...Book Cover here's the cover of 'Dani's Shorts 3', it'll be out in 4 weeks, I guess, FREE on Smashwords :-)
AND I had to recreate it. I saw it up on the blog and noticed there was a watermark from I found another nice picture :-) Here's the result....

Plus, I'm working on the new novella (10-11,000 words, maybe a little more). Still a little undecided as to the title and what to do with it once it's finished. But going very well (better than my first idea 'Torn'). It works on the same theme - beauty.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Weekend Quickie 46: "5 years later"

Yep, fantastic DL Zwissler did it again, reading out my TIW Weekend Quickie No.46 (and Jordan's, etc).
Okay, so, she needs some acting practise but HEY! She read it out :-)
Hear it here on the Monday show of "Lost & Found"....(my story is at 23:28)

...and here it is written down (proofread)...

"5 years later" (TIW WQ46)

(elements - image - alien baby, element - 5 years later, emotion - denial)

"Ah-ha! I finally found it!" Josh threw down a black half-filled binliner on the shop counter.
"What'ya find, Josh?" Berk picked at his teeth with his fish knife.
"You goddamn know exactly what I found! 5 years it's taken me! 5 years I struggled an' suffered in this damn town because did what you did!" The bedraggled old man dropped his spade, took off his gloves and delved into the bag.
"I've no idea what you're on about. I'll ring the nuthouse again, they're doing a special, call and get a straightjacket free." Berk moved to his fingernails.
"You can't deny this anymore, Berk! I've got evidence! I found what you took away that night, 5 years ago!" Josh's hands clasped on something metal and pulled out a cylindrical container. "Now no one will call me crazy ever again!"
"Get that dirty thing off my counter," mumbled Berk, still uninterested.
"No! Not until you see it! Not until you admit I was right!" He ripped open the lid and poured the contents in front of them. "See! Now can you say I'm crazy? It's an alien, an alien baby! They came, we saw...yuck!"
"What d'ya expect, 5 years later?"

You can see it here on the TIW website, along with the others :-)

TIW Challenge 74 - "The Spirit of Aragorn"

Yes, finally all caught up with TIW, just waiting for the 76,77 and 78. I wonder what they'll bring?
Here's my take of Challenge 74 (a bit late). I hope it invokes a reaction...:-)

The Spirit of Aragorn

TIW Challenge 74
(elements - horse, umbrella, car battery, told from the point of view of a defense attorning invoking the Stupidity Defense. (The attorney pleas stupidity, rather than insanity))

"I invoke the Stupidity Defense," said defense attorney Todd Ranson in the most serious tone he could produce.
"Oh, Mr. Ranson, I wish you wouldn't," replied Judge Theadore, scratching his long dappled nose with a hoof. "Do you have to do this every time a human comes to our court?"
"Err, yes, I do, Judge Theadore. It's because they are." With humans, it was the only course of action. Everything they did was stupid.
"Okay, Mr. Ranson. Please, once again, enlighten the court as to this human's stupidity, or as you have so rightly put on so many occasions before, the stupidity of their whole entire race."
"Thank you, Judge Theadore." Todd Ranson looked over to the bewildered human seated in the guilty chair holding a car battery and umbrella. The shock of reaching the court of Equus Ferus Caballus was perhaps too much for the fool. "As you can see, my learned colleagues, this poor specimen of a human is still in possession of the very same tools which substantiate his guilt." Clip clops of acknowledgement came from the jury. "The car battery it tried to connect to the wire fence which surrounded the victim, and the umbrella which saved itself from the pouring rain." The human realised and immediately hid the said items. "And now it probably thinks 'out of sight, out of mind'. The signs of a poor, delusional creature."
"Oh, Mr. Ranson, get to the point," grumbled Judge Theadore, neighing in boredom.
"Well, as you all know, the human race believes that it, and it alone, is the only true intellectual group on planet Animalia, or Earth as they call it." More clip clops and some irate neighing filled the courtroom. "Does this not show how stupid they are, to ignore the pleas and calls from other animals of their destructiveness and selfishness on this planet, dismissing their fellow passengers on this journey of life as mere nonsense and noise?"
"Objection! You cannot put the faults of a whole race on one individual." Prosecutor Red Randalf stood up with two hooves on his desk.
"Objection overruled, Mr. Randalf. Don't you want to get to your oats as soon as possible?" asked Judge Theadore. The prosecutor neighed and stood down.
"Thank you, Judge Theadore. Now, not only do these savages…" Todd nodded over to the human "…continue to enslave, manipulate and murder themselves and other species such as ours, they also still believe in a non-existent entity they call 'god'."
"Isn't that 'dog' spelt backwards, Mr. Ranson?" asked Judge Theadore.
"It is, your honour, a fact lost on these sad moronic parasites. And not only do they believe in such a non-existent entity, but everything that happens in their lives, they attribute to 'god', whether good or bad."
"No matter how many times you say it, Mr. Ranson, it just doesn't get old." The judge and his cohorts neighed in laughter with the whole courtroom giggling. "Everyone knows the universe is controlled by the Spirit of Aragorn."

Sunday, July 27, 2014

TIW C73 - "The Sun Rises In"

It took a while to get an idea for this TIW challenge..until I put a few 'facts' together which moved me in the direction of John Donne's "The Sun Rising"
I decided to create a story from here it is :-)

  The Sun Rises In
73 - (Summer Open Final)

(elements - lost key, travel brochure, thermostat, dessert topping)

"Hell, that damn sun! Doesn't it know how to knock?" John got out of bed crossing the trespassing rays and ran over to the thermostat in the hotel room, tapping it to see if the dial moved.
"John, stop it. You know it's stuck on 30 degrees Celcius." Both woke up in a sweat, dying for a drink. "And it was you who left the curtains open last night."
"We needed the air." He gave up on the thermostat and jumped back into bed with Anne, his latest love, giving her a smile and a cuddle.
"You can always close your eyes, pretend it's not there."
"What? Then I wouldn't be able to see you, my dear!" She fought him off with a pillow. "But why can't it let up for a bit? Go and burn down on someone else! Say Sri-Lanka, they won't notice."
"You were the one who chose this place. Remember all those travel brochures I got for ya? You could've chosen anywhere but you didn't. You could've chosen somewhere cool, like Greenland or something like that, but no. You're a cheapskate!"
"Yeah, but you wouldn't have liked it, Greenland. It'"
"No, I wouldn't. Can you get me a drink, darling?"
"Sure." John got up again and tried the handle of the bathroom, the only place in the room with a tap. "Damn! Oh yeah. You and your 'lost key' story."
"Well, I did lose it. Do you think the hotel will charge for that?" she said, grinning.
"Yes, considering this establishment."
"Try the fridge."
"Broken. And empty."
"Oh, John. Did we drink it dry?" She opened her arms and he came back to the bed.
"Remember last night? The restaurant?"
"Oh yes, it was lovely, thanks for that."
"You're welcome, my dear. It was fantastic, in fact, more than fantastic, it was exquisite. But the bill…that wasn't so 'exquisite'."
"You skinflint, you! Don't I deserve a little pampering?"
"Yes, no, err, don't get me wrong, dear, I'd pay a fortune to see you happy…"
"Better. Oh, and that homemade Dulce de Leche on our strawberry ice cream sundaes? That was the greatest dessert topping I've ever eaten."
"And probably the most expensive…"
"But it was the most delicious! How can you put a price on something like that?"
"Yes, you are right, my love. For you I'd pay the price, you are the world to me." He drew her close to him once more, their sweat merging in the heat. "The world."
"If I'm the world to you, then…your world is in this bed."
"Yes. And your point, my dear?"
"My point is, if that is right, then this 'damn sun' shines on your world." Anne stood up on the bed and let the rays hit her voluptuousness.
"Err, yeah, you're right! But it's so damn hot in here…"
"Then complain! Get that thermostat fixed!" She dropped back down on the bed, almost making John fall to the floor. "Call the management!"
"I am the management!"

Friday, July 25, 2014

TIW C75 take - "The whole world's a stage!"

I don't know why, but TIW Challenge 75 (Grudge 7) elements popped out an easy and cool story.
Here's my take of it :-) Dani's Shorts 3 is coming soon, well, as soon as I can figure out what to do with C73 and C74, that is....(plus C76,C77 and C78 when they come out)

"The whole world's a stage!"

Challenge 75 (Grudge 7)
(4 elements: a halberdier, one (and only one) of the characters must be aware of the audience, must be written entirely as dialogue, the story must take place at the Dairy Queen.)

"Hello and welcome to Dairy Queen! How can I help you? Said the suave, charismatic shop assistant."
" I in the right place? I wanted Dairy Queen."
"Yes, sir! Today it's 'Medieval Day' and each member of staff is dressed appropriately. I'm a halberdier. Look folks, I sharpened the end of my halberd for added authenticity. Spiked Josh a good 'un earlier, eh?"
"Oh good, I thought I was in that Camelot restuarant for a moment. Didn't know they did Blizzards, too. Threw me off a bit."
"No, sir, only Dairy Queen does Blizzards, in over twenty different soft serve blends!"
"Why...why are you talking and looking over your shoulder like there's an audience behind you? All I see is the wall."
"Ah-ha! The whole world's a stage! Isn't that right, folks?"
"There, you did it again. Is there a camera or something? Am I on Candid Camera again? I remember last time..."
"The whole world's a TV show, sir! Like my costume, folks? Got it from the best fancy dress shop in town."
"Yes...nice outfit. Now, can I order? Or are you going to talk to that brick wall behind you all day? And knight. Ha!"
"Please, sir, no knight jokes. Poor Ted is still trying to get over his last customer. I think it was the 'tinned food' joke. But then, it would be, wouldn't it, folks?"
"Oh dear. I'll have two Flamethrower Chicken Wraps, please, one Side Salad, and two Double Fudge Cookie Dough Blizzard Treats."
"Any drink with that, sir? You know, we always have to ask that, folks, the amount of times people eat our Flamethrowers and come rushing back to order a drink..."
"Stop talking to the wall. Yes, okay, you have a point. Erm, no, not drinks. I'll have two Peanut Butter Sundaes, please."
"We're doing a special on Chillers at the moment. Wouldn't you like to change your order and try a couple of Strawberry Lemonade DQ Chillers?"
"No, no, thanks, and watch out for that spear of yours, you almost took my eye out with that."
"Spear? Spear! This is a halberd, sir! It has an axe, a spike and a thorn at the back of the axe. It is said that one of these sliced through the back of King Richard III's skull at the battle of Bosworth! And that a Swiss peasant used one of these to kill Charles the Bold, the Duke of Burgundy, ending the Burgundian Wars in a single stroke! This, sir, is not a spear! Was that a bit too strong, folks? I thought I did quite well."
"Really? Well, thanks for the history lesson, and your suit is very nice, indeed, but all I want is my food. Can you deal with that instead of waving your six foot weapon around and talking to the wall? Oh, forget it, I'll go over to that all-night diner...hey, all 'knight' diner, ha! Put that on your halbred and smoke it. Have a nice day!"
"Why you...!"

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Back in :-)

Got another mention on another newspaper, Erania Pinnera's paper to be precise. It's nice to be noticed, if only for a moment...
Find it here under 'Arts & Entertainment'...
...OK, here's screenshot...

AND...through an error of mine, I got a few KDP borrows today, the first time EVER...I might see a few pennies come my way...a few, just a few.
The new book is coming along fine :-)
PLus Dani's Shorts 3 is around the corner....

Monday, July 21, 2014

Dani's Shorts 2 5 star review :-)

Been away from the internet for a few days....camping.
Definition: Camping: for those who wish to feel tired AFTER sleeping.
Working on my new book...and trying to keep up with THE Iron Writer...and talking of TIW... a 5 star review, on both AND from Hunter S. Jones!!! (I love her, really, she's fantastic, always there when I need some help) Meet her here...

5.0 out of 5 stars 'Miley Cyrus?' July 20, 2014
By Hunter S Jones
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Dani's Shorts 2 is just fantastic. I love the way he can tell stories in such short yet meaningful stories. The charm and intelligence of the author shines through in every story. But...Autumn Equinox Final- Miley Cyrus? Only a genius would conjure up this. Loved this book. All of it. 

Get DS2 (and DS1) for FREE on Smashwords here...

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Lost & Found : Dani J Caile, the man, the legend...

Yeah! I got on the radio...well, okay a podcast broadcast...but HEY!
Thanks to host DL Zwissler (soon to be VERY famous indeed) :-)
So, if you wanna hear me speak about nothing so much in particular, or just hear my crummy voice (I'm a writer not a radio guy), then here's the link!
..I wish I'd had some prep time...
I'll be off for a few days, so have fun!

Sunday, July 13, 2014

The Iron Writer Party Line collaboration +

Hey! Today I got a mention in 'The Irena Kralj Weekly' freebies on Smashwords...look down in 'Arts & Entertainment' and I'm the 2nd one mentioned :-) Thanks Irena! @irenakralj

And something else...Mathew and I did another collaboration in the TIW Group, and a few others joined in, namely Tony Jaeger and Jordan Bell (ding-a-ling!)
Here it is! (It's rather long...)

"The Iron Writer Party Line"

"Hello, this is the Iron Writer Party Line. Press 1 if you'd like to Kill Brian, Press 2 if you'd like to praise Mamie's big hair, Press 3 if you'd like to kick Jordan's ass in a challenge, Press 4....etc "
Jordan Bell
Press 4 to talk to the Gecko.
Mathew W. Weaver 5 to begin guessing who The Weaver is, press 6...
Press 6 for Tony 'No Show' (silence)...
Mathew W. Weaver
.... You have pressed 4. Do you confirm?
Press 1 to confirm. 2 to go back. 3 to proceed
 You have pressed 4. Do you confirm? Press 1 to confirm. 2 to go back. 3 to proceed...
Mathew W. Weaver
You have pressed one. Connecting.Please hold
"I AM holding! I've been doing this for the last 20 minutes...!"
Mathew W. Weaver
We are sorry. Please hold while we connect you to the Gecko
"The what? Hello? Hello!..."
Mathew W. Weaver
Please hold. The Gecko will be on momentarily
"The Gecko? What? What the hell? Where's the Iron Writer Party Line? Hello?"
Mathew W. Weaver
... would you like to press 5 and begin guessing who The Weaver is? Press 1 to acknowledge, 3 to go back
"No, no, no! Who give's a flying f.... don't they have any humans on this!
Mathew W. Weaver
... you have dialled 7.
Please hold
"Seven? Seven? When the hell did I press seven?"
Mathew W. Weaver
"Hey there! How can I take yer order?"
"Sorry...hey! You're human! You! I've been running through your bloody phone system for almost half an hour now What order?"
Mathew W. Weaver
"This here's Sam's Steak and Grilled Pizza! Don't knock it till you've tried it!"
"What kin ah get ya?"
"What? Sam's what? Pizza? What the...?"
Mathew W. Weaver
Would you like to press 5 and begin guessing who The Weaver is? Press 1 to acknowledge, 3 to go back
Press 1 if you'd like to Kill Brian
Press 2 if you'd like to praise Mamie's big hair
Press 3 if you'd like to kick Jordan's ass in a challenge
Press 4 to talk to the Gecko
"What? Hell, I'm gonna press 8...! See how ya like that!"
Mathew W. Weaver
You have pressed 8. Press 1 to confirm, press 2 to return
"Finally! Getting somewhere!"
Mathew W. Weaver
You have confirmed. Please hold while we connect you to "Guessing Who The Weaver Is"...
"What? No, that was 5! I'd rather bloody Kill Brian! How do I go back on this? Hell! No!"
Mathew W. Weaver
"...err, Hello...(cough)..."
Mathew W. Weaver
"You have reached the Gecko! Ask and ye shall receive!"
"Oh, right. Err, hello, 'Gecko'. Now, err...erm...okay...erm....The Weaver, huh? he LeBron James?"
Mathew W. Weaver
"The Weaver? What the heck is that?"
"The Weaver. Your system just put me through to "Guessing Who The Weaver Is". All I wanted to do was speak to Tony 'No Show'. Who are you?"
Mathew W. Weaver
"I told you. I'm the Gecko,"
"The Gecko? What the hell is that? Look I don't know who you are but I want to complain to someone in charge!"
Mathew W. Weaver
"Look pal, you called me. And for the record, I haven't a clue what the Gecko is. Jordan came up with it,"
"Jordan? Who the hell is Jordan? And don't you 'pal' me, mate! I've been waiting for over half an hour to get in touch with Tony 'No Show' and all I get is a screwy phone system and your sorry arse!"
Mathew W. Weaver
"Well, you're stuck with me, pal, for better or worse. What's with this 'No Show' dude you keep harping about, anyway?"
Tony Jaeger
You've reached Tony No Show, I'm not here right now, but please leave me a message, and I'll... I dunno, get back to you and stuff
Mathew W. Weaver
"Who the heck are you? And how did you get on this line?"
"What the f....! Oi! You! Tony 'No Show' I'll give ya a piece of my mind, I will! You, Gecko! Get yer boss on the line! I wanna see the Complaints book!"
Mathew W. Weaver
"Whoa, bro. This is way over my pay grade"
Tony Jaeger
Hey, this is Tony No Show. Please don't ask me for the complaints book. It's a big Damn book, and really heavy
Mathew W. Weaver
"Hey, quit hogging the line! This is a personal paid-for call here!"
"Hey! I wanna speak to the boss! Get me your boss on the line!"
Jordan Bell
Herro, you wan terriyaki, you call wight place. Sofa king goo fry duck aso. Wanton!? You wanten wanton! Got you covahd. Like jimmy hat.
O. Herro, I see. Wong numba!
"What? Hey! Is this a crossed line? What?"
Mathew W. Weaver
"Who the.... did you say terriyaki?"
"Where's the boss!"
"No I didn't! That was some screwball Chinese dude! Where's your boss?"
Jordan Bell
Wat on stick? Herro?
Mathew W. Weaver
"Get off the bloody line! Hell...!"
Mathew W. Weaver
"Just a sec, now, Chief. Hey, Chinese dude,"
Jordan Bell
Confucius say, wong numba asso jerki boy!
Mathew W. Weaver
"Hey, hey, hold it. How's your roast duck?"
Jordan Bell
Brrrrcccchhhkkkk! We're sorry. The number you have reached has been disconnected.
Mathew W. Weaver
"Wait your turn, Tony boy,"
"Oh for the love of...."
"....were you ordering food on MY call?"
Jordan Bell
Press 4 for the The Geico Gecko
"I...oh, go shove your head in a....." (click) .duhhhhhhhh...
Mathew W. Weaver

Saturday, July 12, 2014

TIW Weekend Quickie #44 LIVE!

Something new!
I wrote up my take on the TIW Weekend Quickie #44 and it was quite successful, I think.
AND, on her podcast broadcast, DL Zwissler, that great erotic indie writer, read it out :-)
Listen to it here! If you want to only hear my story, she reads it out at around 25:00 :-)
I was also involved in an earlier broadcast and the Iron Writers involved were asked to write something inspired by a song...
The inspiration: Clare Bowen - Black Roses
This is what I wrote...I don't usually write poetry...

Seeking help, you poor me, what the hell ya think. 
Weep, weep, til your eyes they bleed.
Take a look at yourself, take a look at the street you live
And walk away.
Did I like the song? You tell me...

Friday, July 11, 2014

Farts in Great Literature :-)

I didn't get through to the TIW Summer Open....mmmm. Bummer. Came 2nd in the Popular vote, which was okay, but scored some disastrous votes with the 4 anonymous judges, 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 4th out of 4 writers...what happened?
Got feedback from one judge, which was good because I wasn't the only one who was shocked with my result. One judge who gave 4th said "Farts are low on my literature list."

What? Farts are found throughout literature! Not only are farts a major part of the Minion Universe (one element of the four needed in the story), they can also be found in some of the best works of the greatest writers! Let's start off with....William Shakespeare!!

Macbeth Act 1 Scene 3
Second Witch: I'll give thee a wind.
First Witch: Thou'rt kind.
Third Witch: And I another.

King Lear Act 3 Scene 2
King Lear: Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! Rage, blow! 

Othello Act 3 Scene 1

Clown: Are these, I pray you, wind instruments? 
First Musician: Ay marry are they, sir.
Clown: O, thereby hangs a tail.
First Musician: Whereby hangs a tail, sir?
Clown: Marry, sir, by many a wind instrument that I know. 

Farts are also mentioned in Henry IV Part 2, Comedy of Errors, Hamlet, Two Gentlemen from Verona...Shakespeare liked fart jokes.

In the early 17th century there were also poems written about farts, like "The Parliament Fart" and "The Farts Epitaph".  

Ben Johnson's play The Alchemist opened with a fart...maybe that was for the best....

The world's oldest recorded joke back in 1900 BC was about a fart... a saying from the Sumerians: "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."

And here are many other writers...

AristophanesThe Clouds (423 BCE)  
I get colic, then the stew sets to rumbling like thunder and finally bursts forth with a terrific noise.

Dante Alighieri’s The Inferno...
They turned along the left bank in a line,
but before they started, all of them together
had stuck their pointed tongues out as a sign
to their Captain that they wished permission to pass,
and he had made a trumpet of his ass. (End of Canto 21)

Geoffrey Chaucer...The Canterbury Tales (The Miller's Tale)
This Nicholas just then let fly a fart
As loud as it had been a thunder-clap

Jonathan Swift wrote a pamphlet about "The Benefit of Farting"!
He wrote: “I take it there are five or six different species of fart.” These are “the sonorous and full-toned or rousing fart,” “the double fart,” “the soft fizzing fart,” “the wet fart,” and “the sullen wind-bound fart.” 

And if we want to go over to the USA, because literature is so 'rich' over there...(probably more 'wet' farts)

Mark Twain...1601 Conversation as it was by the Social Fireside in the Time of the Tudors 
Lady Alice: Good your grace, an' I had room for such a thunderbust within mine ancient bowels, 'tis not in reason I coulde discharge ye same and live to thank God for yt He did choose handmaid so humble whereby to shew his power. Nay, 'tis not I yt have broughte forth this rich o'ermastering fog, this fragrant gloom, so pray you seeke ye further.  

J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher In The Rye
“this guy sitting in the row in front of me, Edgar Marsalla, laid this terrific fart. It was a very crude thing to do, in the chapel and all, but it was also quite amusing. Old Marsalla. He damn near blew the roof off.”

Fact of the matter is, farts have been going off in literature since the begining of time! And are these works about farts? Is Macbeth about farts? Are farts the meaning behind Macbeth? Or The Catcher In The Rye? No. And they are not valued for their farts. Neither should my small work have been.

But why use farts? To get a REACTION from their audience, usually shock/laughter. I got's my piece for what it's worth in the TIW got 3rd place :-(
"Death of Another Salesman"'ll find it here...

TIW Collaboration: "The Duel of the DLs"

While waiting for the TIW Summer Prelim results, Mathew W. Weaver and myself got together for a little relay once again, and it was finished off this time by DL Zwissler :-) The duelists..DL Zwissler and DL Mackenzie.
'Tis not bad for a little collaboration :-)

"The Duel of the DLs"

The sky had long since darkened, and the storm was ever brutal. A split second flash of lightning seared the picture in mind, the two still figures, all but silhouettes. Water dripped off tangled, soaked hair, and off the muzzles of the ornate Colts pointed at the ground
"Today. Today of all days, it will be settled." grimaced Zwissler, squeezing her Colt, ready for action.
"We both know how this ends. Give up before I do something you regret,"
"Never! The honour of holding the initials 'DL' is mine! I was here first!" Her teeth gleemed white in the dim light of the storm.
"Survival of the fittest, my dear," His eyes never leaving hers, he drew back on the hammer, feeling rather than hearing the reassuring click as the cylinder rolled in place
"Then, let it begin!" Zwissler lifted her Colt in a second and aimed for his heart....
... but a sudden flash of lightning fouled everything. Involuntarily, she raised it and fired, the bullet whizzing past his left ear.
Anger flushed his face as Mackenzie checked his ear. "So that's how we'll play it, huh?" With a straight arm he aimed and fired.
DL Zwissler
But soon he realized she wouldn't really die because red heads have no souls. The end.

Monday, July 7, 2014

TIW Ch 72 take..."Team Building"

If you STILL haven't voted for me in Challenge 71, please do :-) It's a cracker!

And while you're looking, go see my Weekend Quickie 43, it's a nice one....

AND here's my take of the next challenge :-)
This is a challenge put together by Michael Pitman :-) Good on ya, Mike!

Challenge 72 - "Team Building"

(4 elements - Repeated unsuccessful attempts at starting a campfire/fireplace fire, favorite childhood memory that actually is a lie, funeral of a stranger, sign "fail")

"This is the last time I go on one of those team building weekends," moaned Shaun.
"But you're the organiser!" screamed Karen, right into his face. He cowered into a ball and hid in the trees around the clearing.
"Bob, haven't you got that fire ready yet?" asked Dave, Shaun's second-in-charge.
"No. I'm an accountant, not a woodsman. You try."
"Me? I've never made a fire in my life. Never even got a scout badge."
"What?" Tracy started up on Dave. "Five days we've been going around in these woods, first we've gotta deal with this 'jellyfish'…"
"Easy now, Shaun's had a bad time of it lately, what with his wife leaving and her taking custody of the dog…"
"Who gives a shit about the dog! Look! Look at that!" Karen pushed Dave over to the other side of the clearing, where the slowly rotting corpse of their fellow team builder 'whatsisname' lay. "I think there are bigger things to worry about than a bloody dog!"
"Well, he shouldn't've touched that sign."
"What, the sign that said "Caution, this sign has sharp edges". What kind of sign is that?" yelled Tracy.
"Let's just settle down, alright?" Keith was the quiet, calm type. "I thought we already came to the decision. We give…whatsisname…a funeral befitting a viking warrior…"
"Without the boat," mentioned Bob, still blowing on the smoke, trying to get the fire going and needing to relight it with yet another match from their dwindling supply.
"Yes, thank you, Bob. Light the fire, okay?" Keith dragged the body of 'whatsisname' closer to the large pile of unlit wood. "Does anyone know his name?"
"Dave?" threatened Karen.
"Err, no. Shaun thought we'd leave the list of names at basecamp, to make it a more 'connecting' team building exercise, no one knowing who is who, everyone getting together…"
"His throat was cut in the first two hours! We never got a chance to know him or even speak to him!"
"Hey! It's…no, it isn't." Bob took out another match. They all sat down and tried not to smell the body.
"Why didn't we turn back right then?" asked Keith.
"Err, we did. Then we got lost," confessed Dave.
"What a complete balls-up."
"Hey, I remember a fantastic time, lost in the woods when I was a kid," laughed Dave.
"Yes, really? Seeing as you are now here, you found your way out," replied Bob, blowing.
"It was great! We had no food…"
"Like now."
"… it poured down for days…"
"Like now."
"…and we had no map and no way to find our way home."
"Like now. So, what happened?"
"Err, erm…"
"That was a lie, wasn't it? You didn't get lost in the woods, did you?" growled Karen.
"Err, no. No, we didn't."
"Tesco's. It was Tesco's."
Karen grabbed a large stick from the unlit fire and whacked it around his head.
"Now then, that's enough of that!"
They all sat down again in silence.
"Hey! I've got it…nope."

Thursday, July 3, 2014

"Death of Another Salesman" :-) TIW Summer Open

It's voting time again!
Yes, somehow I got into the Iron Writer Summer Open Preliminary Round :-)
500 words, 4 elements included in the Flash fiction story...fantastic!
So, please come and vote for the best (hopefully me) here in the Dean Koontz bracket....
"Death of Another Salesman"...yes, it has a connection to that classic play :-)

...and if you have time, please peruse the other brackets - I'm sure all the stories are great!

Well, Manna-X was FREE for 2 days and there are more people now who have the book, who will read it (please) and maybe even review it (PLEASE). It is official. There are now over 3000 copies of Dani J Caile books around this spinning rock :-) (unfortunately, not many of them were paid for)
Here are the ranks...
 #2,761 Free in Kindle Store
#36 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Literature & Fiction > Humor & Satire > General Humor
 #1,748 Free in Kindle Store
#30 in Kindle Store > Books > Science Fiction & Fantasy > Fantasy > Contemporary
#33 in Kindle Store > Books > Literature & Fiction > Humour & Satire > Literary Humour

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

New BIG idea

Yes, it only takes a few moments to get an idea. And I think this is the next one. Ideas are breeding ideas, characters are coming to life, plots and motives are appearing...a new book is forming in my head...

Manna-X is FREE today too! So, if you STILL haven't got it, or know someone who hasn't got it, go download it! Yesterday it got to No.39 in 'General Humour'...that's quite good considering the amount of books in that category! And my 1st ever download from Portugal! There are now a few more people with the book...let's see if the book can better that today...

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Manna-X FREE for 2 days

Well, Dani's Shorts 2 got to No.9044 in the Amazon Free Kindle store...great, maybe a few downloads then.
BUT, Manna-X is FREE now for 2 days, if you haven't already got a copy, go get one! And if you know someone who should read it, tell them!


"I haven't come across anything quite like this..." Debbie Roxburgh (Speedy McCready)

"With your wily work [Dani], I tend to focus on what's in parentheses. (I also think you are very misunderstood...and possibly always have been.)" Eponymous Rox (B.O.T.)

Reginald sends Graham Reader (aka the Grim Reaper), out on a mission to find Code 237-Manna-X, the Manna Machine after the Overlords warn him of an imminent (3000 year old) threat against the security of both the physical and non-physical realms.
Will Graham find the fantastic yet deadly device before anyone or anything else does?