Challenge 55 - ZOMBIES!!!!! :-)

Wow, it's good to write a Zombie story every now and then! Here's my personal take on TIW Challenge 55. Hope you like it !
(oh, Manna-X is FREE today (March 7th 2014) http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D94CWF0

"Pimp my ride, Sonny!"

(elements - coyote, snow plow, 1936 Chevy Corvette, the Zombie Apocalypse)

The TV blazed on, loud and strong, repeating the same report over and over again.

"Grandpa! Can you shut it off? There's nothing new! They'll keep repeating that thing until their power's gone! And you're wasting our electricity!"

"Eh?"

Grandpa had run out of batteries for his hearing aid days ago and kept turning the TV on for more news about the situation. The generator had a few more days in it so he couldn't feel the change, this zombie 'apocalyse'. My parents had sent me here to Grandpa's place, a remote house outside of town, as soon as it began. I hadn't heard from them for a fortnight, I suspected the worst.

"What's that, sonny? The TV's too loud!"

"Turn it off!" I ran upstairs and switched it off. "Grandpa, they can hear us, okay?"

"Eh? Who's that, sonny?" He shuffled over to the TV in his comfy slippers, ready to put it back on.

"The zombies, Grandpa!" I spotted one climbing over the fence and took Grandpa's pump action shotgun, opened the window and aimed. Headshot. Then I saw them.

"Grandpa! Err...I think we've gotta get out of here!" A handful of cartridges weren't enough to stop what was walking down the road towards us.

"Eh? Oh, visitors, and so many!" Nothing wrong with his eyesight. "Gimme that." He grabbed the shotgun and took out one more. "Ah, I've still got it. Sonny? Let's go."

It took ten minutes to get to the garage door. Grandpa stopped.

"Grandpa?" Another came close. Headshot.

"Shhh, I'm peeing."

"Grandpa!"

"Okay, okay, sonny." He opened the door to reveal his old snow plow, unused for over 20 years.

"What the...? Grandpa! That thing doesn't run!"

"Ah, but this one does." He shuffled further back into the garage and there it was, a small red sports car.

"What's that, Grandpa?" Headshot. Five more cartridges.

"A 1936 Chevy Corvette." We jumped into the two seater.

"1936? Isn't that a bit old, Grandpa?"

"Yes. They only started making them in 1953."

"What?" Four.

"This is a 'hybrid', sonny. Back in 1936, me and my guys took a Coupe and suped it up with a 1933 Bugatti Grand Prix engine we 'borrowed' and brought over to the US. My, was that Fitzroy Somerset angry!" Grandpa laughed and hit the pedal, crushing two zombies under the wheels as we left. We headed out towards his fishing hut at the lake, hidden on an island.

"Are you telling me you 'pimped' an old Chevy Coupe?" It ran superbly.

"Pimp my ride, sonny!" He pushed the pedal down and we flew through the bends. In a few moments we arrived at the lake.

"Wow, Grandpa, that was...!" His body lay slumped on the dashboard. "Thanks, Grandpa." He'd given his last to save me. I laid him back into his seat.

While rowing across to the island, I glanced over to my new home. On the bank stood a lone coyote, watching intently.

"Just you and me now, ol' buddy."

FREE today, Manna-X - weird yet entertaining :-)

FREE today, Manna-X!
Weird, crazy, insane, ENTERTAINING....YES!
Please come and pick up a copy, maybe even add to the rave reviews
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D94CWF0

Got another 'comment' from a writer in authonomy about 'Manna-X'....here it is...

Kestrelraptorial wrote 18 hours ago

God, angels, and soul collectors work in a modern-day-style beraucratic workplace. Okay, weird. Hey, how did that man in chapter one survive two years in a hole? Well anyway, I thought the encounter between Moses and God was hilarious. So this was the use of the Manna-X machine! 

One more time...the drawing with background :-)

I tried one more time with the 'One Moose' picture, drew the fat moose again and put some Dr. Suess background in. It's looks a little better, but still amateurish. I have absolutely no idea how I'd do the rest of the poem (see below).

One Moose (reposted here)

One moose, two moose, fat moose, thin moose.

Some are very small, while others seem quite tall. Oh, let's have a ball!

Some are old, and some are bold. Some have colds and some have mould.

Why do some have colds and mould? I guess it won't be told.

Some are happy, some are snappy. This one has a little nappy.

Here are some who like to chat, here are some who like big hats.

Here are some who like to scat, here are some who have pet rats.

Some have great clothes, others have big toes.

Some like to compose, others, well, who knows?

Some are funny, some have money, some like little furry bunnies.

Some have short tails, some have long nails, some like swimming with the blue whales.

This one's name is Tom, he loves to take his Mom to go and see the Prom.

This one's name is Fred, he loves his comfy bed to rest his weary head.

Why does Fred love his bed? I guess because it's cherry red.

None of them is like the other, they all grew up with diff'rent mothers.

So come along and see the moose, but don't forget the orange juice.

First drawing in 30 years...think I'll stick to writing

I thought I'd have a go at drawing, the first time in 30 years. I think I need to practise a bit more. A bit amateurish and wrong, but hey! It was worth a try. Perhaps I'll try copying some of Dr. Suess' fish or something. Moose are about the hardest things EVER! Tried to use Dr. Suess colours, too.

Almost Human

Just watched the 1st episode of 'Almost Human'...it's on about episode 12 or 13 now. I'm not American, okay, I can't watch it on TV...anyway...this is good-ish. Enjoyable. Okay, it's the same old stuff, but at least someone is trying to make something sci-fi on TV. A good try.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2654580

Bring back Star Trek, that's what I say!

My TIW Challenge 54 take

Keeping up with TIW. Thought I'd write in the style of the BBC, when comedy heads get together and come up with nothing and call it surreal...:-) NOT like Spike Milligan, he could come up with the goods almost EVERY time!

My Challenge 54 take..."BBC Surreal Satire at its worst"

Charley watched as the new arrivals landed and queued up for passport control. Unfortunately, he hadn't felt well for days and this was his first day back after a week of illness. After ducking down to take a glass of water, he came back up to see that the first arrival through was a 6' watermelon carrying a purple rucksack.

"Err...good day."

"Good day." The 6' watermelon passed Charley an EU passport.

"Is, err, is this your passport?" asked Charley, a little confused.

"Why, yes, it is. Anything wrong?" The watermelon scratched its head.

"Well..."

"I've just come back from a scrapbooking convention in Phoenix, Arizona, you know? Very enjoyable, very nice."
Scrapbooking convention? Sounded awful, a bunch of old girls with photos.

"Sir…" He called a watermelon sir? "This picture is not you."

"Sorry? What? Not me? What do you mean?"

"The picture in your passport doesn't match your present appearance." How could it?

"Of course it's me, who else could it be? That's my passport."

"Your passport?" Charley looked at him, shiny and clean, probably extraordinarily juicy inside.

"Yes, that's my passport and my picture!" The watermelon stamped its 'feet'. Charley scrutinised the picture more.

"But this picture looks like Walter Koenig, aka Ensign Chekov from the Original Star Trek Series. In fact, I'm sure this IS a photo of Walter Koenig, aka Ensign Chekov from the Original Star Trek Series cut out of a magazine." He showed it to the watermelon, holding it up against the inside of his glass cubicle.

"Oh yes, really, I do see a similarity of sorts…" confessed the watermelon.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to call airport security." Charley moved to his intercom and went to hit the buttons but the watermelon, now sweating, pushed itself against the cubicle.

"Look, you've gotta help me. There's a particularly unfriendly cuccumber back there I'm trying to get away from. I'm sure he's after me, I'm sure he's after my pips." Both Charley and the watermelon looked down the line, and there it was, a large 8' tall cuccumber waiting in the long queue, menacingly staring at them.

"Sir…" Again with the sir? "I'm trying to do my job here and if you have a grievience with any of your fellow passengers then please take it up with either them or your airline service supplier. My problem is that this picture is not you, it is Walter Koenig who played Ensign Chekov in the Original Star Trek Series, and not that there is an 8' tall cuccumber in the queue behind who is after your pips."

"Oh, alright, it's a fair cop, guv'nor. I got that picture at the convention."

"Thank you, sir. Now I'll just contact airport security and we…"

The watermelon was off, running across the hall of cubicles, looking for a way out of the terminal, bashing into people and falling over baggage.

"Not another watermelon, eh?" said Charley's colleague.
"Yeah. It's strange, you usually only see them at the weekends."

Dani's Shorts 2 downloads so far :-)

It's the end of the Amazon promo for 'Dani's Shorts 2'...not much interest in it, really. Is it because it's me or shorts stories? Anyway, overall, there are now over 100 free copies out there, somewhere, 2 weeks after publishing. It's not much, but hey, who am I to complain?
If you still haven't got it, it's here for free...
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/409062

Trying to keep up with editing 'How to' and TIW latest stuff. But you know how life is. And I did it again. I was reading 'Manna-X' on the metro and I almost missed my stop. 13 stops is a long time but it seemed only a few minutes. I guess that's yet another reason I write, to read a book I enjoy...I'm really sure that's some kind of 'ego' perversion or something...like Jazz. or do I just 'make a Jazz noise here'...?

For Ukraine - the trouble's just begun

I get a lot of hits from Ukraine, and tons of followers on twitter. I have no idea why, but that's okay :-)
I'm trying to keep up with the Ukraine situation, it's getting dangerous, perhaps I'll write a story about it. Let's see if I understand so far...
Ukraine left the USSR I'm guessing in 1991. Recently, there were talks about Ukraine working with the EU. Unfortunately, Russia wanted Ukraine to join some regional customs union and offered Ukraine financial support to change their minds. The Ukrainian PM finally subdued to Russian pressure (somehow - back hander?) and agreed not to work with the EU. Then the people demonstrated, 80 people were killed by the Police, the Ukrainian PM left. Ukraine set up a temporary Government to sort out the troubles and riots.
However, in Crimea (an autonomous republic of Ukraine with its own parliament and with 60% of the population Russian speakers) a group of masked gunmen held the Crimean Council at gunpoint and forced them to appoint a pro-Russian Chairman, who then appealed for Russian troops to enter the area. 15,000 troops later, Obama and Putin had a telephone conversation, with Putin saying it was his right to protect Russian speakers (there has been no violence against them) and Obama saying they'll take action if Russia doesn't move out (close Putin's personal bank accounts - which are reported to be substantial).
Got it so far?


Now let's translate that into Ukrainian using Google...:-)

 Я отримую багато звернень з України , а також безліч послідовників на Твіттері . Я поняття не маю , чому, але це нормально :-)Я намагаюся не відставати від ситуації в Україні , це стає небезпечним , може бути , я напишу історію про нього. Давайте подивимося , якщо я розумію , досі ...Україна залишив СРСР я припускаю , в 1991 році. Останнім часом були розмови про Україну співпрацює з ЄС. На жаль , Росія хотіла , щоб Україна приєднатися до деяких регіонального митного союзу і запропонував Україні фінансову підтримку , щоб змінити свою думку. Глава українського нарешті підкорив російському тиску (так чи інакше - ? Назад правша ) , і вирішив не працювати з ЄС. Тоді люди продемонстрували , 80 осіб було вбито поліцією , українська PM залишилося. Україна створила тимчасовий уряд , щоб розібратися в неприємності і заворушення .Проте , в Криму ( автономна республіка у складі України зі своїм власним парламентом і з 60 % населення російськомовних ) група озброєних людей в масках провели Кримський Рада під дулом пістолета і змусили їх призначити проросійську голови , який потім звернувся за російські війська , щоб увійти в зону. 15000 війська потому, Обама і Путін провів телефонну розмову з Путіним кажучи , що це було його право на захист російськомовних (не було ніякого насильства проти них ) і Обама кажучи , що вони будуть вживати заходів , якщо Росія не вийти ( близько Путіна особисті банківські рахунки - який , як повідомляється , бути істотним ) .Отримав його досі ?

Happy Birthday, Dr. Seuss!

Yes, it's March the 2nd...Happy Birthday, Dr. Seuss!
My parents must've read me a few when I was very young because I've ALWAYS loved Dr. Seuss, and it must've been VERY young because the first I can remember is the pictures. I was a 'good' drawer at age 9 and I wanted to draw like someone but couldn't remember until I met Dr. Seuss' books later on in life...opportunity gone. I have a small collection of books now which I read to my kids at bedtime. They love them.
But now, yes, you guessed it, to celebrate his birthday, Michael from TIW challenged us to write in the style of Dr. Seuss! So I did. And pasted a picture together...copyright infringement, here I come :-) Find it on TIW here (http://theironwriter.com/challenges/dr-seuss-challenge/)...but here's mine, based on 'One fish, two fish' :-)

One moose, two moose, fat moose, thin moose.

Some are very small, while others seem quite tall. Oh, let's have a ball!

Some are old, and some are bold. Some have colds and some have mould.

Why do some have colds and mould? I guess it won't be told.

Some are happy, some are snappy. This one has a little nappy.

Here are some who like to chat, here are some who like big hats.

Here are some who like to scat, here are some who have pet rats.

Some have great clothes, others have big toes.

Some like to compose, others, well, who knows?

Some are funny, some have money, some like little furry bunnies.

Some have short tails, some have long nails, some like swimming with the blue whales.

This one's name is Tom, he loves to take his Mom to go and see the Prom.

This one's name is Fred, he loves his comfy bed to rest his weary head.

Why does Fred love his bed? I guess because it's cherry red.

None of them is like the other, they all grew up with diff'rent mothers.

So come along and see the moose, but don't forget the orange juice.

Dani's Shorts 2 FREE on Amazon (4 days)

'Dani's Shorts 2' is now available on Amazon for FREE for 4 days! I just want to see if putting it out there will get people to look at it. Here is the link. Share it around, it might help. Perhaps even put on a review!
http://www.amazon.com/Danis-Shorts-2-Dani-Caile-ebook/dp/B00IHYKKG0
UPDATE: After a dozen downloads, It's already at #8,802...shows you how slow the market really is.

It's been a busy week, writing up Challenge 53, a Dora the Explorer parody, a Dr. Seuss celebration (you can see it on Sunday on TIW) and my TIW birthday celebration story, with 55 elements in 500 words - the post before this one. And I'm at 50% with my first edit of 'How to' :-)
UPDATE: I found an old note about 'How to'...of course! It's about THAT! Why, yes! Must complete it soon :-) Trying...

First Annual 2014 Iron Blog Tour

And here it is, the First Annual 2014 Iron Blog Tour (Day 2...err 3)!
Day 1 (Monday) was Jordan Bell with 'The Price of Ambition' here.
Day 2 (Tuesday) was, well, err...
Day 3 (Wednesday) is..me!

But first, a word from K.A. DaVur, our illustrious leader of this fine Birthday Blog Hop :-)

"Four elements, four days, 500 words. It’s a daunting task, one that will hone the skills of any writer. It is also the premise of The Iron Writer. The Iron Writer Challenge was started one year ago by short fiction author Brian Rogers. Since it’s inception, it has grown incredibly. The site now boasts irons from seven countries and includes not only the original challenge but a non-competitive Weekend Quickie, a relay, and a site where seasoned authors give writing tips and advice. They have a networking page wherein the members share publishing opportunities, freelance work, and more. They also have a NaNoWriMo group that boasted several winners and who join together each year to “kill” the sites founder as part of their novel. The judging has evolved from a public vote to said vote combined with a rigorous judging system in order to combine literary merit with marketing skills to determine which writer has the most “metal in their mettle.” In celebration of the occasion, several Irons have elected to participate in a Birthday Blog Hop. The challenge? To write a commemorative 500 word piece of flash fiction including the following elements: iron, a quill, a birthday cake, and the favorite element from each Iron’s first challenge."

And now, a word from me :-)

To all Iron Writers, I say this to you..."Fellow knights of the Iron Writer's table, while others have appeared like mere flatulence in the wind, it is you who have steered our course true. This story is for you."


****
Waiting for the Equinox

(iron, quill, birthday cake, 1 element from 1st challenge (err...I changed this to using 1 element from all 52 named challenges, written within the story in order, except for Challenge 51 element 'no 'be' verbs' which is used throughout - well, a birthday only happens once a year, so do something special)


"Meteors outside." Tom lay his ruby red slippers over the failed superhero in the elevator and sat down on his favourite coconut opposite the family's 1880 vampire hunting kit.
"Wonderful, dear." His space monkey, Suzie, did her usual chore of cutting quills with her ginsu knives for the pregnant camel next door. They shared a smile and watched the gyroscope in the corner.
"What's on the water buffalo tonight, dear?"
"Same old, same old. Black lipstick, I think," replied Suzie, now jumping on her trampoline. The dead gypsy rested on his theremin, silent.
"Anything special for dinner?" Tom hung on the clothes line and took a bag of almonds from his own personal group of reference librarians he kept in a casket. Satisfied that the flashing neon lights on the ceiling had stopped due to the malfunctioning pole mounted electric transformer, he waved his semaphore flags and watched his pet trilobite crawl across the floor.
"Just the usual, dear. Birthday cake." Suzie paused in her jumping and tore the hand held lawn clippers from her thigh, replacing them with chopsticks. Tom banged on his 1951 Kaiser Drag'n and yodelled like Slim Whitman.
"Again? Why can't we have something else for a change! Like fried green tomatoes or banana slippers! Why do we always eat birthday cake?"
Suzie whipped her husband with a feather boa, knowing he'd love it.
"Did you have a bad day? Another fight with the live Griffin, dear? Would you like a cup of tea?"
"Oh, yes. Thank you, darling."
Suzie disappeared into their abandoned outhouse to make tea and look for the jar of bacon fat Tom so often admired. A particularly interesting dressed herring appeared on the buffalo's hind and caught Tom's attention.
"Suzie, quick! You've gotta see this!"
She came running in wearing a pair of fishnet stockings and a wooden hanger stuck on the back of her neck. They both lost interest as the Bionic Woman sailed by in a Roman merchant sailing vessel. Suzie sighed, ate the 2000 year old map of the Earth she'd saved for later and went back to making tea.
"Anything happen today, dear?" asked Tom, now fixing his motherboard with the aid of a voodoo witch doctor.
"No, dear." By the time Tom had finished saying 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious', Suzie'd brought in his cup of tea and sewed it with needle and thread to the bug zapper on the side of Tom's coconut.
"Oh, I almost forgot, my latest victim." Braving the haboob trapped within his James Bond Mini Spy Kit he'd taken to work, Tom lifted out an iron ingot, shiny and wet. "Look what I found inside a toilet roll hat."
"Oh, what a muppet! And so cute!" She stroked its back and tickled its tummy.
"Some Harpy tried to drown it in the river. Good job I had my lucky Kiwi bird on me."
"Can we...keep it?" Suzie flashed her nostrils at Tom, knowing his weakness.
"Well...okay."
Suzie laughed and punched him out.
"Thank you, darling!"

****

Visit Mamie Willoughby Pound at  www.happyeverywhere.com tomorrow for Day 4 to read their take on the elements, and don’t forget to visit www.theironwriter.com to read some amazing flash fiction or, if you think you have what it takes, sign up for a challenge :-)

Day 1 of TIW 1st Annual Blog Tour

Day 1 of the Iron Writer Blog Hop Celebration (First Annual 2014 Iron Blog Tour) with Jordan Bell in the writing seat. It's a great story, you should go and have a look, it's one of his best.
http://jbfiction.blogspot.hu/2014/02/i-am-kicking-off-blog-tour-lets-go.html
Mine will be on Thursday.
Reading 'Flowers for Algeron'...yes, I've never read it, I'm not American. It's entertaining, has good points, bad points, but considering it was written in 1955 it's fantastic! It's a shame society hasn't caught up with the book. I haven't finished it yet, I wonder what happens...(don't spoil it, I think I know...)

Manna-X on Fatfairyfantastic.com!

Yep, please come and vote for 'Manna-X' :-)
http://www.fatfairyfantastic.com/the-guest-indies/manna-x-by-dani-j-caile/
The more votes, the more chance of the advert staying on and getting its own exclusive page (which it has ATM but who knows for how long :-) The more it stays, the greater the chance of someone seeing it!
Here it is...looks like my name is 'Dain'....

Dora the Explorer and the Invasion of the Flying Vampires

For the first time on TIW, there's a duel in a Grudge match, where two writers 'battle it out' for the shrimp!
300 words, and 3 elements: parody of children's literature, Monster Movie title based on your name (mine DJC), and "la bala de plata".
Here's my take on the 'duel'. Stretched the 'literature' thing a bit to Dora the Explorer books, something I have to suffer every other night.
Looking forward to seeing who wins the REAL duel - find it here at TIW

Dora the Explorer and the Invasion of the Flying Vampires
(actually, this is how I read the books, but hey...UPDATE: a rule I saw just now was that the title must have the Monster Movie title and the story be about the title...well, I changed it right now so it does :-))

Hola! I'm Dora and this is my friend, Gucci. Today we're going to my Uncle Vlad's birthday party on Monster Hill. I have some blood sausages as a present. His favourite! Delicioso!

Oh no! Swiper is trying to swipe the blood sausages! Let’s stop Swiper! Say "Swiper, no manipulating the GDP and implying that the inflation rate is below 1% when it’s clearly closer to 20." Thanks for helping us stop Swi…oh, he did it. Oh, well.

Now, how do we get to Uncle Vlad’s castle on Monster Hill? Let’s ask Map. Say "Ma…!" Map has gone, but what luck! Gucci has found a sign which says "This is the way to Monster Hill". Excelente! Vámonos!

We’re at the foot of Monster Hill! And here is Isa the iguana! She is reading a book, ’Invasion of the Flying Vampires’. She looks worried. Isa is Spanish. To say "hello" to Isa, we say ’Hola’. Let’s say ’Hola’ to Isa. Hola, Isa. Oh dear, she ran away.

We made it to Uncle Vlad’s castle! But look! There are some flying vampires circling above us in the sky! It's an invasion! Can you count how many there are? Let’s count in Spanish! Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis! Six flying vampires! Can you see something in Backpack which can kill them? Yes, that’s right! Silver bullets! To say "the silver bullet" in Spanish, we say ‘la bala de plata’. Say "La bala de plata?". Yay! We did it! The flying vampires have flown away! Excelente!

Here’s Uncle Vlad. He says thank you for the blood sausages, they are ‘Delicioso!’. He says we are just in time for the start of his birthday party! Thank you for helping us get to Uncle Vlad’s party and stopping the invasion of flying vampires! We did it!

Seers, Seraphs, Immortals, and more!: GUEST POST!

Got a GUEST POST on Trace B's (or Violet's) blog! Come and see it :-)

Seers, Seraphs, Immortals, and more!: GUEST POST! I love them and you will love this gu...: 'Doubts of a self-publisher Every few months, while sitting alone by my eye-burning monitor late at night and typing..."
 'Manna-X' will also feature on Fat Fairy Fantastic (http://www.fatfairyfantastic.com/) on Monday, so look out for that one, too! You vote or review your favourite indie book, so...please do so :-)

Praise :-) But you have to work for it

Just got this post on facebook from Brian Rogers, he's a nice man :-) We're celebrating TIW 1st anniversary with a special 500 word story and I sent mine to him, to make sure he was the first to read it. This is what he said...(you'll have to wait until Thursday to see the story :-)) It's this kind of praise which keeps me going!

'Dani's Shorts 2' is beginning to move, too, now with over 50 downloads :-)
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/409062

Editing 'How to' (17 out of 64) on authonomy

Yep, done up to the part which is on 'authonomy'. I updated it there just now, you have got to go and read it, leave a comment or something! I was giggling while editing it! Is that wrong? I don't know. Some things appeared while re-reading what I'd written. Added tags as well to help in understanding, added 2000 words in these first 17 parts out of 64. So I might be heading for 45,000+ words, definitely enough.
Go, read! Please :-)
http://authonomy.com/books/56673/how-to-build-a-castle-in-seven-easy-steps/

Updating "Dani's Shorts 2"

Of course there were typos! It wouldn't be my work if it didn't have any...
Weekend Q6 had a missing hyperlink and now I found a few mistakes in Challenge 41, silly spelling errors and the end line was wrong. So far, nothing else...I like the book...is it wrong to read your own work and like it?
Up to page 38 of 181 in 'How to'. Can't wait to finish this first edit!!! Okay, I'll stop this and get on with it...:-)

"Hot off the Press" AND "The Poetry Daily" :-)

Just re-edited 'Dani's Shorts 2' - the first 31 copies went out with a missing link on Weekend Quickie 6 :-(
3rd mention ever and 2nd mention in a week! :-)
Some people on Paper.li must like me :-) Thank you, Jaime Boler! :-)
"Hot off the Press" (17th Feb 2014)
http://paper.li/bookmagnet/1335938469
(under 'Stories' 2nd mention on the right)

And here's the post link for my nonsense 'sex/love' poem on 'The Poetry Daily' (11th Feb 2014)! Way-hey!!  (under 'Leisure' 3rd blog post on the right) :-) Here...http://paper.li/Gjoshi64/1309526519
....which now doesn't work because it's updated daily...oh well...

Working on "How to...", oh, and is it shining :-) 

'Dani's Shorts 2' FREE

'Dani's Shorts 2' is now available FREE on Smashwords :-)
The 2nd six months of short stories from TIW, including 31 Challenges, 23 Weekend Quickies, 2 Relays, 1 Killing Brian and 1 poem...I think that's all :-)
Pick up your free ebook copy :-)

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/409062

Editing 1 - started, honestly.

It's been difficult to motivate myself to edit 'How to'...but now I'm doing it. Completed 6 out of 64 parts, added 100+ words to each, fleshed it out a bit, made it shine a little more, and put some emotion / care into the characters.
But I wasn't ready before now. Everything that happens, happens when it should...but you must push it, you can't wait for the train to run you over.
Anyway, the proof will be in the final writing :-) Working on it :-)
Oh, and 'Dani's Shorts 2' is one 500 word story away from completion and formatting, of course :-)

Half success AND MANGA!!!

I got 2nd place :-) ...by 2 clicks...YES, you read right, 'clicks'...my logical brain could not compute that all Jasper wanted was 'clicks'. As a self-published writer, my mind thought he wanted downloads but now I realise he could only count the 'clicks' and not the downloads - there is no way to find out where the downloads come from, but the 'clicks', yes. I'm kicking myself because I could've PESTERED 100+ more people for a 'click'...so $50 and not $125... I wanted to put my books in the school library as the kids are screaming for them but now...I can get a copy or two (the shipping price to Hungary is a killer!)
Working on the last Challenge of the year, number 52 and it looks like I'm going 'MANGA'! :-)
Then I'll need to format 'Dani's Shorts 2' and publish it on Smashwords...exciting times!
Still working on 'How to'....have to make the reader 'care'...:-)

Nonsense Poetry?

I'm still trying to get more FREE downloads for Jasper. If you know anyone who can, please pass the link to them...:-)
http://bit.ly/darkspace14

I also entered a comedy poetry competition with my nonsense style. Using the 'words' from my nonsense Punch and Judy for Challenge 51, plus a few others, I created a verse.
Here it is...it's a love poem...like you can tell :-)
UPDATE: This post was linked into 'The Poetry Daily' (11th Feb 2014)! Way-hey!! 
(under 'Leisure' 3rd blog post on the right) :-) Here...http://paper.li/Gjoshi64/1309526519 
(so if you've come from there, Hiya! Welcome to my blog :-))

Only for my loval smiploff

Squeening in maloppal ossmaj,

Flaffling, wheafing in the tooknaj,

Bartli henn a narted moz-yoff,

Only for my loval smiploff, only for my loval smiploff.

Fissart turt narred in kartnahnu,

Wheeking on a loozarn dahtoo,

Sissing and a flissing lovatt,

Klozzing for my crotchled hollatt, klozzing for my crotchled hollatt.

"Tunktan, Tunktan, kakat ningning,

Arragag our lovat tooning?

Karragang and dana linning.

Pah! You katta sini pingping!"

"Zazakani yuka bollmoll.

Errofalli! Para nollhall!

Fissart turt leekakat offnar,

Moolonoh-hoe kajzah tiklar!"

Wikiniking in the pilaar,

Jajtah fliff-floff under feela,

Lamar dana tutai kassa,

Lizzo geejee blaffing tassah, lizzo geejee blaffing tassah.

Squeening in maloppal ossmaj,

Flaffling, wheafing in the tooknaj,

Bartli henn a narted moz-yoff,

Only for my loval smiploff, only for my loval smiploff.

New 5* review of 'Rage' :-)

Got a new 5 star review of 'Rage' from the glorious and gorgeous Melodie Ramone :-)
Her book, After Forever Ends, is an absolute wonder to read, her writing is fantastic. And now she's written a review for me. Thanks, Melodie, it was worth the wait!

Here it is on Amazon, but I've copied it below. A few 'Yes's on the review would be nice :-) (Just a click away)

Wonderful, February 7, 2014

By 

Melodie Ramone

This review is from: The Rage of Atlantis (Kindle Edition)

Due to an eye injury, it took me quite a long while to finish “The Rage of Atlantis”, but every time my eyes would heal enough to pick it back up, it was an absolute pleasure. Dani J. Caile has a way with distorting reality that’s hard to quantify, other than to say he’s masterful at it. His book is filled with Fantasy, Sci Fi and high drama, all twisted into a hard hitting detective story that takes on real life issues we face in our world today. All of this, of course, happening in Atlantis.
The blend of humor and satire in this book is impressive. While serious subjects are tackled, the way they are portrayed is laugh out loud entertaining, yet, somehow, he always manages to keep his characters powerful and relatable. If I had to pick a word for this book, it would either be “brilliant” or “inspired.” I can't decide which.
I give The Rage of Atlantis Five stars, without hesitation.

53 worder and FREE download

Started editing 'How to' with a bag on my head. So far, so good.

Wrote Weekend Quickie 22 with no 'be' verb. Perhaps I'll try that in 'How to', or at least cut them down.
http://theironwriter.com/weekend-quickie-21-2/

There's also Jasper's 'Dark Space' to download if you haven't done so already (I'm in 3rd place ATM)...
bit.ly/darkspace14

And entered a 53 word story competition, the element this month (February) is a 'palm tree', so I wrote a generic 53 worder, about a box, similiar to Elizabeth John's 'The Box' at that other site I won't mention :-)

Heritage

Two feet down in the roots of the palm tree, his family's palm tree, there it was, the box.

"What's that?" asked his wife, her hard, round belly shining in the sun.

He brushed off the sand, checking the seal, still intact.

"Later, later."

Satisfied, he buried it back. For the next generation.

Challenge 51: Punch & Judy Nonsense Style

Had a pretty bad week...the only thing I could think of to help was to do Challenge 51 'nonsense' style, like Jabberwocky / different language. Some strange words came out of it...but it's just an experiment, 'making up' a language which 'feels' the way you want it to feel. A bit writing-up-my-arse but I had to try it. Here's the first few lines (the rest will be in Dani's Shorts 2 available in a few weeks). Yes, the function words can be translated, but the adjectives and verbs are 'feelings' of words...

Tunktan eh Lamar

Squening im ulm loval smay, flaffling dun, wheaped upe du kartnal, du bartli henness uff du narted yoff mitt u. Nat zark ohn loval smay, varnig loval smay. Ha!

"Tunktan! Tunktan! Offanar il? Tunktan!"

Ulm fissart turpt, e narnared imtu du kartnalnu.

"Lamar, ulm balting fiss, dute datte il dana?"

"Tunktan, ulm balting Tunktan! Luzorn wid u!"

Olm luzorn fanass du kartnalantar, sissing eh flissing ath lovatt datte.

"Pah, Lamar, il gontlo ath olm datte im olm finky lanty marr."

"Tunktan, il luzom ath il mingala datte."

Olm smuzzeed eh kluzzeed eh crottched mumuze.

'Dark Space' FREE!!!

Yes!
'Dark Space', that great little sci-fi written by my buddy Jasper T. Scott is FREE for 5 days!
So, if you haven't got it yet, you should pick it up...
For those on Amazon.com, here's the link http://bit.ly/darkspace14
For those in the UK, here's the link :-) http://bit.ly/darkspaceian
And here's his website...
http://www.jaspertscott.com/
Please click away! It's FREE!

Almost lost it

Today I opened up a little to a writing question, but the conversation was taken over by another writer and the person I was having 'a laugh' with. They went all obtuse. I thought, 'wow, some people are so much better than me'. Then I went off to sample the 'other writer's work...I was hugely disappointed, a sheep in wolf's clothing, or visa-versa maybe. I've met a TON of these writers in the last few years, they speak loud and hard, write like shit and even worse, write dull - the worst crime.
Although I'm tired and this book living inside my head is killing my sanity, I will continue. I will finish this latest short story collection, and I WILL finish this 5th book, just to spite those who think they are so goddam clever, collecting 100+ 5 star bogus reviews for their crummy books. I don't care who doesn't read my books. Someone is. Not many, but someone is. I raise my finger to bogus indies and career writers everywhere.

Latest 500 worder (TIW Ch. 50)

Dani's Shorts 2 is almost ready, just 2 more challenges to wait for and a few Weekend Quickies.

Here's a taste of what's inside....this is Challenge 50...hope you like it :-)

"Never Again"

( 4 elements - snow rollers, harpy, nail gun, motorcycle airbag)

Escaping through the door, still clutching the paper bag, he slipped and slided to where he’d left his bike. No snow had fallen since entering but a cold penetrating wind had begun, cutting through his thick ski jacket and woollen undergarments. Climbing onto his bike, he placed the key into the ignition and fired her up. By his reckoning, he had a few minutes jump on the beast. With both feet on the ground, he rode his bike out of the carpark and took the quickest way home, along the farm road and through the forest. There was a loud smash behind him as though a window had been broken. It was free.

"Goddamn it!”

He revved his motorbike to max and sped down the road, hitting bumps and almost losing his seating once or twice. The bike bounced badly once more and he narrowly stopped himself from joining the large snow rollers in the fields to his left. Sighing with relief, he heard an ominous sound of beating wings overhead. With a screech, the Harpy divebombed him, scratching its claws into his helmet, but he swerved to the right preventing it from keeping its grip. It screamed in frustration as it saw the forest appear, forcing it to fly higher, unable to get to him.

Once in the cover of the forest, the Harpy could only follow him from a distance and he felt safer. He looked up to see its progress and his bike hit a rock, sending it straight into a tree, head-on. Luckily, he’d listened to his uncle’s advice and bought a Honda Gold Wing with airbag instead of some fancy speed killer. But even with the airbag, his helmet broke in two and rather shakily, he picked up the paper bag and left his beloved bike, running through the deep snow in the direction of home.

A few metres into the cover of the trees, he noticed Old Ted’s place, a small wooden hut, and he remembered something. Clearing the snow from the outside workbench, he found what he was looking for, Old Ted’s portable combustion nailer. Losing no time at all, he turned around and started shooting nails at the Harpy, who was now racing towards him on foot through the snow. The nails had no effect on the creature.

He dropped the now useless nail gun and ran back into the forest, but to no avail, the Harpy clutched onto his back and flung him down into the soft virgin snow. Its claws ripped at his jacket and he could do nothing to stop its onslaught. The end had come.

"Oh, alright! Take it, goddamn you!”

He threw the paper bag as far away as possible and the Harpy scurried away to retrieve it. Searching in the snow, with a screech, it took the paper bag and devoured its contents. Sitting up watching, he pointed his finger at the beast.

"But I’m telling ya, that’s the last time I’m taking you to KFC!”

Publishing in 2 weeks

Did some tinkering with 'Dani's Shorts 2' cover, seeing as it's only 2 more weeks before it has a chance of 'publication'. See the cover below...
Talking of publication, I've written 2 short stories for 2 anthologies, 1 is accepted (Attack of the Killer Pogo Sticks) and the 2nd is now being read (Tracer's Choice (steampunk)). But as to when they'll be published, who knows...

Rewrote Challenge 49...The Muppet Show! :-)

Yes, I just didn't feel that my entry for Challenge 49 was any good, really. It was okay, but not up to a high standard. As it stands, I won't win the challenge, and I don't need to, being only a substitute for someone who pulled out.
BUT...one of the elements was 'a muppet', so I couldn't just NOT do a Muppet sketch, now could I?

I put it in the comments on the page, and if you can leave a comment, I'd love that :-)
http://theironwriter.com/challenge-49/
Please! A comment...:-)
But hey, here it is anyway...

Muppet Respect

"What's on?"

"Let's see...oh, right, the Muppet Show! Always good for a laugh."

We sat down on the sofa to get ready for some entertainment.

"Kermit! We've gotta have that flamingo dancing act on right now!" Scooter came racing backstage.

"But Miss Piggy is stuck in the elevator!" said Kermit.

"Kermie! Get me outta here!"

"We're working on it, Miss Piggy!"

The elevator engineer turned to the camera.

"If you'd kept to the maximum weight restrictions..."

"I heard that!"

"Kermit!" shouted Scooter.

"Send in the clowns!"

A collection of crazy clowns with chainsaws ran onto the stage. Kermit heard the sound of screams from the audience and the motors slicing through limbs.

"Send out the clowns!"

A clown with a bloody chainsaw came back offstage.

"What? We're killing them out there!"

"That's my problem! Scooter, get them off the stage!"

The clowns left, disappointed.

"No one likes clowns anymore."

"Especially with chainsaws," retorted Kermit. Fonzie appeared with a green zombie.

"I'll go on, Kermit, with my new partner, Braindead."

"But he's a zombie!"

"And you're gonna hold that against him?"

Scooter appeared again.

"Kermit, they've started throwing food!"

"Oh, Kermie! When exactly are you going to get me outta here?" asked Miss Piggy, still stuck.

"In a moment, Miss Piggy!"

The engineer shook his head and restarted his cutting torch.

"I promise!"

"Now they're throwing their colostomy bags and Prosthetic limbs!"

Gonzo walked by with an artificial leg.

"Hey, I can use this in an act.Where's my wonderful Camilla? Camilla?"

Fonzie went down on one knee.

"Please, Kermit, please!"

"Oh, okay, then! Go! Get out there!"  Kermit sighed.

The music started and the double act went on, wearing large blonde wigs.

"I tell ya Fonzie, I got stuck in an elevator the other day for 3 hours!"

"3 hours! Kerrrrrmiiiiie!" shouted Miss Piggy offstage.

"3 hours?" asked Fonzie.

"Yeah, it was torture."

"Well, that's nothing. I got stuck on an escalator for six!" Fonzie looked towards the audience, accompanied by a drum roll and cymbal crash.

Statler and Waldorf woke up in their balcony seats.

"If I had a joke that flat..."

"...it would be a pancake!" They both laughed.

Braindead was now holding a sign showing a red cross painted over a sine function.

"Hey, what ya doing?"

"I'm protesting against Trigonometry."

"Really, well, what's that?"

"It's a 'stop sine'."

Another drum roll and cymbal crash. Statler and Waldorf started again.

"Well, that one really 'divided' the audience."

Fonzie tried to ignore them.

"What have you got there, buddy?"

"It's Bruce Lee's "Tao of Jeet Kune Do"." Braindead was eating it. "I like to read and digest a book."

There were a few laughs.

"Man, I don't know about you, but I'm always hungry an hour after eating Chinese."

Statler and Waldorf beat the drums.

"I don't know about you, but I found that one 'wonton'."

Drum roll and cymbal crash.

Fonzie and Braindead left the stage.

"How did it go, Fonzie?" asked Kermit.

"Don't ask, just don't ask."

Blog Tour - Special Attraction by M.L. Ryan

I promised to do this, and I do it with pleasure :-)

'Special Attraction' by M.L. Ryan
(The Coursodon Dimension Vol #3 - Paranormal Romance/Fantasy (18+; There is some adult language and sexual situations))

My review...

I’m not really into reading about a young blonde shape shifter named Hailey who, while on the trail of a murderer from another dimension, finds a dog and calls him Rufus. But the light humour within the main character held it all together for me. It's not often an author tries a little humour in this genre. The rest, however, the ’hawk to human’ transformation, the ’working with a team from another dimension who are superior to humans’ scenario, the ’haven’t really cottoned on to the obvious’ parts of the story, they've been done before...BUT not like this. With a smooth written style and light humour, this book is a fine example of its genre. Even though she was blonde, I found myself liking the main character and following her story, waiting for the next step. I recommend this to those who like to read this genre.

I'll give it 4 stars for trying to be different :-)

Buy Links

Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HBJ6340
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/388212
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4574172

Author Bio

M.L. Ryan is a professional woman - which is not to say that she gave up her amateur status, but rather that she is over-educated with a job that reflects her one-time reluctance to leave school and get "real" work – and she spends a lot of time in that profession reading highly technical material.

She has many stories rolling around in her head, and she finally decided to write some of them. She prefers literature that isn’t saddled with excruciating symbolism, ponderous dialogue or worldly implications. She also doesn’t like plots so reliant on love at first sight that it makes her feel like her head might implode.

She lives in Tucson, Arizona with her husband and teenage son, four cats, two dogs and an adopted desert tortoise.

Social Media Links 

Website: http://www.CoursodonDimension.com
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MLRyan1
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/CoursodonDimension
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3384189.M_L_Ryan
Blog: http://coursodondimension.blogspot.com

Giveaway: There is also a giveaway for this tour. $25 Amazon Giftcard or PayPal Cash. 

http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/share-code/ZmY2YTRmMWY3Mjc5Y2EzMGNkNjRiZDc0MmI2ODFmOjI0/

Anthology heaven

Newsflash: Rage will be 'FREE' on Amazon tomorrow : 28th January :-)

Before I delve into editing 'How to'...I'm even thinking of changing the title to "How to build a clan in seven easy steps"...I have the chance to get into a few anthologies :-)
I'm already in The Iron Writer anthology 2013-2014, with seven (so far) 500 word stories, and I'm promised a 3000 worder in a "Celebrating 50s Horror movies" type anthology. There is also a chance of another short story in a Steampunk anthology. I have a little time to do it...it is a difficult genre for me to write in, but I already have a plot and the opening scene. The genre is very detailed, very precise, lots of...well, it's new for me. Interesting but new.
And THEN 'How to' - I read a few pages and it needs some work, so don't expect a quick publish :-) A little time is needed....but it's definately something worth waiting for :-)

Finished 1st draft of 'How to'

38,000 words. Took over 4 months of sneaking a minute here, a few minutes there...
Now I need to read it, edit, check characters, add names, add more description, maybe get it up to 45-50,000 - would be nice.
Here's the spiel...:-)

No one was injured in the making of this book. However, there may be some casualties when reading....

In an ancient long-forgotten deranged land obsessed with power, greed and mud, a boy called Norby stands up to the problems around him. His is a typical story of 'boy meets girl, boy turns into soup, escapes, boy meets girl again, boy is kidnapped and becomes the 'chosen one' for a tribe of canibalistic vampirish desire-driven crazed warriors, boy leads them into battle, loses the chance of a lifetime to bed hundreds of Amazonian women and finally wins the girl'. 

If you thought 'Manna-X' was 'out there', this one will hurt...

Won TIW Winter Open!!!! :-)

Yes! I won it! Thank you to all who contributed their time and vote :-) Without you I couldn't have won!
This is the highest accolade I've ever achieved....3 challenges, 1 grudge match, 2 elimination rounds and now 1 Open final :-)
Now I'm in the Championshop Annual Final in May 2014 sometime...and a chance to win a free book cover design :-)

In fact, without you, I am nothing except a guy writing stuff on his computer...so, again, THANK YOU for your continued support! 'Dani's Shorts 2' and 'How to' are coming very soon...

So close to finishing 1st draft of 'How to'

Going through the 'battle' scene in 'How to'...getting there, really. All I need is a little quality time...then I'll get to the badass bit where I read it :-) Some characters aren't even named yet, they have their own life (emotions, habits,etc) but no name...I chose to name the bad characters with anagrams of 'career' authors - those writers who churn out yet another brain-sucking book every 3-6 months, earning tons of money and keeping the general readership (and so the world population) at a certain not-so-high awareness level - they dumb down the masses, and the good characters are named after anagrams of authors I respect, ones who may have been 'career' writers in their time but also created something FANTASTIC in the literary world or at least made an impression. The hero, 'Norby'...is in fact Byron...he's not a favourite of mine, but he created some wonderful work. I also named places in the same way, leaving the 'evil' place without changing the name...yes, the place is so evil...the settlement is called....you guessed it..."Grisham" :-)

What are they doing with movies nowadays?

I watched a few movies some friends said are worth the time. They weren't.
One was "The Day of the Siege", it's got a 3.3 razing on imdb. I see why. Not only is it slow, the actors stand there and open their mouths a lot, what they say is stupid and what they say is that Christianity is fantastic and any other religion is not...
The other was "Justin and the Knights of Valour", with a 6.0 rating. Oh dear. Great graphics, typical adventure story but such a bad script AND what was worse than the scrip was the casting! I have rarely heard such bored actors reading their parts. OK, they all try but they're as into their roles as soggy diapers. They kill every line...lines which are pretty awful.
Who are these scriptwriters?
Who are these actors?
Who are these producers who make these movies?
Who knows, but they're lucky, that's what they are. Terrible at what they do, but lucky all the same.
And who are the backers of these movies? Give me some time and money and I'll write you something to blow your socks off! Oh, I have...'How to' skeleton is slowly coming to completion, then character fixes, scene and description fixes...:-) Soon, soon...

Why do I do Iron Writer?

Three days into the Flash Fiction Iron Writer Winter Open Final...long title...and I'm in the lead - I've been here before. Why do I do this? Why do I do Iron Writer at all?
I tell you why. Because it's EXCELLENT for building up your writing skills, making you notice the successes and errors of yourself and others, stretching yourself to see where and how you can write, finding your boundaries. I'm good at dialogues and sparse description, all comedy. Others are good at other things, and you can learn from them. You meet others at the same stage as you, unknown, trying things, chatting with them, collaborating with them. I'm also helping edit the 'official' winner's anthology, due out after the Annual TIW Final (I hope I'm there).
As a writer, I'ev changed, become a little more polished/streamlined. Looking at the titles of the stories in 'Dani's Shorts 2' - out in just over a month, FREE on Smashwords - they're a different bunch to the first collection. Only 3 of the 55 have been seen on TIW (yes, I had a go at Challenge 40...nuff said...I like the second half of it). The latest, Challenge 48, is a eulogy - I had to research it. A year ago, I wouldn't have even thought it was possible for me to write comical eulogy. So...it will be interesting to see any reaction or feedback to this new collection. Here's the proposed cover...:-) Oh, and if you haven't voted for my "Marital Strife" story yet, please do so now :-) Thank you.
http://theironwriter.com/challenge-47-2013-winter-solstice-finals/

The Iron Writer Winter Open Final has begun!

Yes, you guessed it! The Iron Writer Winter Open Final has begun!
Please come read and vote for "Marital Strife" by Dani J Caile :-)

http://theironwriter.com/challenge-47-2013-winter-solstice-finals/
If I win, I'll stop going on about voting!
So, please vote! And get your relatives and friends to vote! :-)
...still working on 'How to'...:

One more day countdown

One more day and the VOTING CAMPAIGN begins :-) With the Autumn Open Final, I thought I had a chance because I had the most votes in the Elimination Round...but the eventual winner was only holding back. Now, with the Winter Open Final, I know the 'power' of the other 3 authors, and anything is possible.
Today I also did 2 things...
1. Sorted out the remainder of 'How to', putting it all in order - but not writing it all up yet, that's still a week away, the skeleton.
2. Started TIW Relay T2 with 150 words (see below)...which gave me an excellent idea for my Brad Shaw novelette, a cheesey detective thriller!
Here's the 150 words (but these will be revamped/changed a little in the novelette)

Nothing worked. The dreary comedy on cable, some cool jazz music on his 4 track, the book he'd bought months ago from the Antiquarium because he loved the cover but hadn't had time to read. He still had that feeling. Something wasn't right. Pouring a brandy, he watched the seconds hand on his kitchen clock. Somewhere something...his mobile phone rang. It was an unknown number, landline. He picked it up and stared out through his lounge window into the night, overlooking the flats opposite.
"Hello, Todd here."
"Mr. Lehr, I think I may have something which would interest you."
The voice on the other end wasn't familiar, in fact it sounded alien, like some voice effect was being used.
"Who is this?"
He was sure the voice sniggered hoarsely, away from their handset.
"That is not important. What is, however, is what I am about to say."
Todd listened intently.

A few more days, then a week of messaging :-)

Only a few more days and then the Iron Writer Winter Open starts, and I'll be bothering the hell out of people on facebook, twitter, Goodreads, and any other network I can get my hands on. But really, this story is EXCELLENT...all the others are good, the latest have been very good, but this one...deserves YOUR VOTE :-)
Got some sales since the 'birthday' promo (Yes!, at this rate I'll retire when I'm 547 years old...), and I'll do a promo once I can get 'How to' sorted out. Also working on some Brad Shaw short stories, one already sent to an anthology...wonder if it'll be accepted? If not, I'll publish it, definitely worth seeing, that one...and others.

"That person's solid gold" - Zsuzsa Demcsák

Since living in Hungary, I've bumped into quite a few Hungarian celebs, especially TV hosts. I've seen a few Hungarian actors, but they're not the nicest people.
However, TV hosts...on the TV screen there are some fantastic people, they look great (Hungary has a high percentage of pretty women - they do have their share of ugly ones, too, I might add, but if you want to see beauty, come to Hungary), they speak well, they hold themselves well. You even feel bad about the sad things that happen in their lives when talking on other shows. Then you bump into them in real life...the facade drops. Most are shallow selfish creatures who deserved all the bad things they got, and none of the limelight.
But the other day, I bumped into one host in particular, and I was impressed. She is what a TV host should be, a great 'role model' for the person of today: caring mother, sporty, looks good, polite, natural. Zszuzsa Demcsák :-) Thankfully, amongst all the egotistical, selfish limelight seekers, there are still the few who the ordinary person in the street can look up to and say "Yes, that person's solid gold."
https://www.facebook.com/zsuzsa.demcsak

Educating the Reader Part 1 - Dialogue tagging

What I really hate is when a writer tags every single line of dialogue. It should be obvious who is speaking due to tone, words, style, interaction, expectations, roles, etc. So why put 'said John', 'asked Jane'? It's because the writer wants to make it perfectly clear who is speaking when.
I, however, believe it is a perfect opportunity to 'EDUCATE THE READER'. Never miss that. (Yes, that was in capitals to get your attention.)
Of course, you don't want to be too obtuse...well, I love that, too. A little confusion until the dust settles always makes things interesting :-)
For example...
"Uncle?"
Who is speaking? Who has an uncle in the story? If you didn't know before, you know now that there is a man who is an uncle and there's a niece or nephew. Do you see? With one word, you have created a little world of questions and the reader is 'into' the story.
What characters say and how they say it can also tell you who is who. Two different characters requesting salt...
"Excuse me, I wonder if you could be so kind as to pass the salt?"
"Oi! You! Give me that!"
Taking out unneccesary dialogue tagging is just one way to educate the reader. There are others...later...

BTW, my birthday promo of MBAT and Beth got 199 downloads! Good for no advertising :-)

It's my birthday - 2 free ebooks

In the true sense of 'birthday', MBAT and Beth Fiasco are free today :-)
http://www.amazon.com/Dani-J-Caile/e/B00CDX0HSM
If you haven't got a copy, you should go get one now...please.

And I'm in the Iron Writer Winter Open Final! Thanks for voting for me. I'll need you next week, too!

...but here's a few other things... http://theironwriter.com/weekend-quickie-18/ ..even with the sad ending, you just can't help feeling my sarcasm... 
How about this? http://theironwriter.com/relay-event-t1/ (Part 10) - I just can't get 'serious'!!

Tiny Little Steps

Each tiny little step forward brings you closer to your goal.
I wrote up TIW's 4 elements in an implied 10 word sentence for a laugh, and now it'll be used as an example in a presentation/workshop in the USA in June sometime. Cool. Here it is...'He tutted as she stood there in a mini skirt' - it has judge, victim, conservative and liberal all in there. And only 1 more day and we'll see if I can get into TIW Winter Open Final...unless there's a last minute spree of votes for someone else...
I've also completed a 3000+ word story for a '50s horror movie' anthology celebrating the genre (you know, those cheesey cheapo USA movies). I wonder if it'll be accepted (?), what with its cardboard characters, confused female and last moment hero, with the usual cheesey action and the essential 'lots of information given to make the movie stay within budget limits' dialogue.
'How to' is slowly getting closer to completion...in skeletal form...etc,etc
Putting on a 100 word piece on TIW relay 1 soon, still don't know how to do that but hey...

Cheating Amazon book shops

I just had a look at who has 'used' copies of Manna-X - no one should be selling any because I know EXACTLY who has a paperback - not many and it's not any of them...
So, let's look at the list and prices of all these CHEATS...so there's a shop which has a used Manna-X for $999.11+ $3.99shipping? That's over $1000 !!!! And if they do sell that one copy (which they don't have because they didn't buy it) I would see $2 of that - perhaps...

Yes, it's voting time again! TIW Winter Open

Yes, it's that time again, to go and have a little read and vote for the best...it's the Iron Writer Winter Open. I'm in the Edgar Allan Poe bracket, along with some tough competition. Got a few votes so far but whether I can 'stay the course' is another matter. Please go read and vote :-) And get anyone else to have a look :-) If your hamster or gerbil have internet, message them!
http://theironwriter.com/edgar-allan-poe-bracket/

Still working on the draft of 'How to', getting to the final parts, though I need just a little inspiration...and time...