Novelette 3rd read-through

I'm amazed, this blog now has over 2000 views (2101 actually)...but still not many sales of the books. Just got a bunch of 'Rage' books (3rd book) in to sell to acquaintances. Finally, more people will read the book!!! I wonder how they will take it? Last time I read the whole story, there was a special 'edge' to it. Similar to the 1st, as silly as the 2nd, but it has a certain 'edge' to the writing. I was in a strange frame of mind around the time I wrote it, Marilyn Manson was my favourite music at the time...says it all.
...Been driving around East Europe for a few years now. I think Tesco must be selling driving licences.
Oh, the novelette...read it through a 3rd time, still found things to correct / change. Maybe I should read it through one more time...But it's damn good!

Novelette 2nd read-through

Hello Mauritius! I had to look on a map as I wasn't sure where it was. It surprises me how many countries this blog has picked up. My first surprise was Russia, and now I think I've collected every continent. Greenland, I'm still waiting for a hit from there.
Just finished the 2nd read-through of my new novelette, and it needed it. I'll have to give it one more read to make the greatest impact possible. It'll depend on the judges of the competition then.
The novelette? Guido, a dull bloke, dies right before going off on a world cruise, and decides to make a stand. With the help of Graham, Mr Death, and hindrance from Satan, Guido has the chance to review a small but influential part of his life.

Novelette read through (Spanish, Russian, Magyar)

Well, I've read it through, my new novelette, and it's good stuff (I think) I'd read it :-)
I love corny nostalgic comedy, typical sterotypes and running jokes, especially running jokes, almost to the point of irritation. I guess if readers didn't know I wrote 'comedy', there would be a split, most of them realising it was comedy, because most people have a brain. There are of course, the others...

 Let's put that in Spanish using Google Translate!

 Bueno, lo he leído a través de mi novela corta nuevo, y es lo bueno (creo) yo había leído :-)
Me encanta la comedia cursi nostálgica, estereotipos típicos y bromas corrientes, especialmente de correr chistes, casi hasta el punto de irritación. Supongo que si los lectores no sabía que escribió la comedia ", habría una división, la mayoría de ellos darse cuenta que era la comedia, porque la mayoría de la gente tiene un cerebro. Hay, por supuesto, los otros ...

And now Russian!

Ну, я прочитал его, моя новая повесть, и это хороший материал (я думаю) я читал его :-)
Я люблю банальные ностальгической комедии, типичная sterotypes и работает шутки, особенно работающий шутки, почти на грани раздражения. Я думаю, если читатели не знаю, что я написал "комедии", не было бы раскола, большинство из них понимая это было комедией, потому что у большинства людей есть мозг. Есть, конечно, другие ...

And now Hungarian!

Nos, olvastam át, az új kisregény, és ez jó dolog (azt hiszem) Azt olvastam :-)
Szeretem elcsépelt nosztalgikus komédia, tipikus sterotypes és fut viccek, különösen a futás viccek, szinte arra a pontra, irritációt. Azt hiszem, ha az olvasók nem tudja, én írtam "komédia", lesz egy split, legtöbbjük megvalósítása volt komédia, mert a legtöbb ember agya. Természetesen vannak, a többiek ...

Some Satanic ranting (novelette - 5 languages)

I wanted to rant about this stuff in 'Man by a tree', but I was told by a few 'reviewers' that I might upset some people. So, I've got it in the new novelette. Satan has the honour to rant :-) The novelette sits at just over 12000 now, will read it through tomorrow.
This time the excerpt is translated using Google Translate in English, French, Russian, German and Hungarian....5 languages, I wonder if it makes sense...I'll never know.

“Is this fast enough?” Guido looked over Satan’s shoulder, it would take a while to reach the wall.

“It’s not the speed that counts, it’s the intention. No matter what speed you do, the destination will still be there. There won’t be any parking spaces left, of course, but you can’t have everything.” The moped bunny-hopped and Satan gave it a kick. “I don’t like to go fast, there are reasons for a speed limit, my boy. Though for myself, speeding on the surface is wonderful, along with drink driving. And those cancer sticks, too. Huge money makers for those monkeys in power, but also great business for me. They kill so many, and I get them all.”

Guido was horrified. “Sorry? I don’t understand. Everyone who dies while speeding you get, or everyone who speeds?”

“The latter, dear boy. And smokes. They both show a complete lack of disrespect for their fellow monkey. Who cares about the law, it’s your neighbour which is important.” The moped was now putting along quite nicely. “Suicides are mine, too. Lack of respect for their own vehicle, plus a break in the service contract.”

“The what?” Guido was now horrified and confused.

“Oh, don’t bother yourself with it, dear boy.”

“I never understood why the authorities never did anything about these things, speeding, especially.” Guido was trying to get to grips with this new information. Never speed, never smoke, never commit suicide.

“Money, dear boy, money. So they lose a few monkeys every day. For them, money is important, not lives.”

"Est-ce assez rapide?" Guido regarda par-dessus l'épaule de Satan, il faudrait un certain temps pour atteindre le mur.
«Ce n'est pas la vitesse qui compte, c'est l'intention. Peu importe à quelle vitesse vous le faites, la destination sera toujours là. Il n'y aura pas y avoir d'espaces de stationnement à gauche, bien sûr, mais vous ne pouvez pas tout avoir. "Lapin sauté-Le cyclomoteur et Satan lui a donné un coup de pied. "Je n'aime pas aller vite, il ya des raisons de limitation de vitesse, mon garçon. Bien que pour moi-même, l'accélération est magnifique sur la surface, ainsi que l'alcool au volant. Et ces bâtons de cancer, aussi. Responsables de l'argent énorme pour ceux singes au pouvoir, mais aussi les entreprises pour moi. Ils tuent tant d'autres, et je les obtenir tous. "
Guido a été horrifié. "Pardon? Je ne comprends pas. Tout le monde qui meurt tout en accélérant que vous obtenez, ou tous ceux qui accélère? "
«Ce dernier, cher enfant. Et les fumées. Ils montrent tous deux un manque total de respect pour leur manque de singe prochain. Qui se soucie de la loi, c'est votre voisin qui est important. "Le cyclomoteur est désormais naviguer le long très bien. "Les suicides sont aussi le mien. Manque de respect pour leur propre véhicule, en plus d'une rupture dans le contrat de service. "
"Le quoi?" Guido est maintenant horrifié et confus.
"Oh, ne vous embêtez pas avec ça, mon garçon."
«Je n'ai jamais compris pourquoi les autorités n'ont jamais rien à ces choses, excès de vitesse, en particulier." Guido essayait de se familiariser avec cette nouvelle information. Jamais vitesse, ne pas fumer, ne se suicider.
«L'argent, cher enfant, de l'argent. Donc, ils perdent quelques singes chaque jour. Pour eux, l'argent est important, pas vivant. "

"Это достаточно быстро?" Guido посмотрел через плечо сатаны, это займет некоторое время, чтобы достичь стены.
"Это не скорость, которая рассчитывает, что это намерение. Независимо от того, с какой скоростью вы делаете, назначения все еще будет там. Там не будет никаких парковочных мест оставили, конечно, но вы не можете иметь все ". Bunny-прыгал мопедов и Сатана дал ему удар. "Я не хотел идти быстро, есть основания для ограничения скорости, мой мальчик. Хотя для себя, ускоряя замечательно на поверхности, а также вождение в нетрезвом виде. И те раковые палочки, тоже. Огромные лица деньги для тех обезьян власти, но и большой бизнес для меня. Они убивают так много, и я их всех ".
Гвидо был в ужасе. "Простите? Не понимаю. Каждый, кто умирает во время ускорения вы получаете, или всех, кто скоростях? "
"Последних, мой мальчик. И курит. Они показывают, как полное неуважение к их отсутствие коллег обезьяна. Кто заботится о законе, это ваш сосед, который имеет важное значение. "Мопед в настоящее время плавания вдоль весьма приятно. "Самоубийства мой, тоже. Отсутствие уважения к их собственным транспортным средством, а также перерыв в договоре на обслуживание ".
"Что?" Guido теперь в ужас и замешательство.
"О, не беспокойтесь себя с ним, мой мальчик".
"Я никогда не понимал, почему власти никогда не делал ничего об этих вещах, превышение скорости, особенно". Гвидо пытается, чтобы справиться с этой новой информацией. Никогда не скорость, не курю, никогда не покончить жизнь самоубийством.
"Деньги, милый мальчик, деньги. Таким образом, они потеряли несколько обезьян каждый день. Для них деньги важны, но не живет ".

"Ist das schnell genug?" Guido sah Satan Schulter, würde es eine Weile dauern, um die Wand zu erreichen.
"Es ist nicht die Geschwindigkeit, die zählt, ist es die Absicht. Egal mit welcher Geschwindigkeit Sie das tun, wird das Ziel immer noch da sein. Es wird keine Parkplätze links, natürlich, aber man kann nicht alles haben. "Bunny-hüpften Das Moped und Satan gab es einen Tritt. "Ich mag es nicht zu schnell gehen, gibt es Gründe für ein Tempolimit, mein Junge. Obwohl für mich, ist die Beschleunigung auf der Oberfläche wunderbar, zusammen mit Alkohol am Steuer. Und diejenigen, Krebs-Sticks auch. Große Geld Entscheidungsträger für diese Affen an der Macht, aber auch große Geschäft für mich. Sie töten so viele, und ich bekomme sie alle. "
Guido war entsetzt. "Wie bitte? Ich verstehe nicht. Jeder, während die Beschleunigung erhalten Sie stirbt, oder alle, die beschleunigt? "
"Die Letzten, lieber Junge. Und raucht. Beide zeigen eine komplette Missachtung ihrer mangelnden anderen Affen. Wer kümmert sich um das Gesetz, es ist Ihr Nachbar, was wichtig ist. "Das Moped wurde nun Segeln entlang ganz gut. "Selbstmorde sind auch die meinige. Mangel an Respekt für ihr eigenes Fahrzeug, plus einen Bruch in der Service-Vertrag. "
"Das was?" Guido war nun entsetzt und verwirrt.
"Oh, nicht die Mühe sich mit ihm, lieber Junge."
"Ich habe nie verstanden, warum die Behörden nie etwas über diese Dinge, Beschleunigung, vor allem." Guido versuchte in den Griff mit dieser neuen Informationen zu erhalten. Nie Geschwindigkeit, nicht rauchen, nicht Selbstmord begehen.
"Geld, lieber Junge, Geld. So verlieren sie ein paar Affen jeden Tag. Für sie, Geld wichtig ist, nicht lebt. "

"Ez elég gyors?" Guido átnézett Sátán válla, akkor eltarthat egy ideig, hogy elérje a falra.
"Ez nem a sebesség a lényeg, ez a szándék. Nem számít, milyen sebességgel teszel, a cél továbbra is ott van. Nem lesz semmilyen parkolóhely maradt, persze, de nem mindent. "Bunny-ugrált a moped és a Sátán belerúgott. "Nem szeretek gyorsan menni, van oka a sebességkorlátozás, fiam. Bár a magam, gyorshajtásért csodálatos a felszínen, valamint ittas vezetés. És azok a rák rudak is. Hatalmas pénz döntéshozók Azok majmok a hatalom, hanem a nagy üzleti számomra. Ezek ölni annyi, és kapok őket. "
Guido elborzadt. "Tessék? Nem értem. Mindenki, aki meghal, miközben gyorshajtás kapsz, illetve mindenki, aki felgyorsítja? "
"Az utolsó, drága fiam. És dohányzik. Mindketten azt mutatják, teljes tiszteletlenséget ő hiánya többi majom. Kit érdekel a törvény, ez a szomszéd, ami fontos. "A mopedet most vitorlázik végig elég szépen. "Öngyilkos az enyém is. Tisztelet hiánya a saját jármű, plusz egy kis szünetet a szolgáltatási szerződésben. "
"Az mi?" Guido most rémült és zavaros.
"Ó, nem zavarja magát, kedves fiú."
"Soha nem értettem, miért a hatóságok soha nem tett semmit ezekről a dolgokról, gyorshajtás, különösen." Guido próbált meg kell birkózniuk ezzel az új információkat. Soha sebesség, nem dohányzik, nem követ el öngyilkosságot.
"Pénz, kedves fiam, pénz. Tehát veszíteni néhány majom minden nap. Számukra, a pénz fontos, nem él. "   

Novelette + reviews

Received a few reviews in the last couple of days on authonomy.com. Here are the good bits...
'Man by a tree'
Cute start to the story, and good description of the hobgoblin soaring through the city and onto a pigeon’s back. Like the cosmonauts – kinda reminds me of when the jet pilots saw superman and he waved. It’s hard not to continue on to chapter 2, you just gotta find out what day 2 is like.

'Rage of Atlantis'
Funny end to a short, action packed start. Can’t imagine where the story’s going. Your writing is so compact and the ideas so strange that it does take a couple of reads to see all that’s going on. In this sense, it’s good that it’s a short chapter.

...another for 'Rage'...
Very short first chapter. For some reason I find the image of Telausis laying on the floor with the time bomb on him comical --- perhaps because it conjures up images of classic comedian death scenes, where they keep opening their eyes just *one more time.*

AND just finished the 1st write of the new novelette, just under 12,000 words, well within the limit for the Sci-fi / Fantasy competition. I'll let it sit for a day, and then I'll read it through. It's the first single POV I've ever done, really.

New Novelette "Tell me about hobgoblins"

Here's a little natural info dump in dialogue, where Graham is telling Guido about....
Let's try the 4 language thing in Google Translate again, shall we? I liked the way it looked, probably didn't work right, but hey.
Oh yea, "Hello Nigeria!"1st hit from Africa!

“Tell me about hobgoblins.”

“There’s nothing much to say. Wicked, smelly, mischievous, and plain dogsbody to Satan and Lucifer. There are thousands of them, at the last count. Come on, have a closer look. When will you ever see another one?” Guido walked closer to the creature, but out of arm’s reach.

“Satan and Lucifer? Aren’t they one and the same?”

“Common misconception. Anyway, just so you know, this is how it all works. If you did something really bad in your life, like killed someone, messed around with your neighbour’s wife, destroyed someone’s life, or forgot your mother’s birthday, then when you die, one or more of these little pests come for you, not me.”

“Yuk.”

“More than yuk. Satan has a certain way with souls. “

“I bet he does.” Guido stared at the hobgoblin in disgust.

“I’ll have to report this sighting, the information might come in handy later on in another case.” 

"Расскажите мне о домовых".
"Там нечего сказать. Wicked, вонючий, озорной, и простой работяга с Сатаной и Люцифером. Есть тысячи из них, по последним подсчетам. Давайте, взглянем поближе. Когда Вы когда-нибудь видели еще один? "Guido подошла ближе к существо, но вне досягаемости вытянутой руки.
"Сатана и Люцифер? Разве они не одно и то же? "
"Распространенное заблуждение. Во всяком случае, именно так Вы знаете, это, как все это работает. Если вы сделали что-то очень плохое в вашей жизни, хотел убить кого-то, возился с жены ближнего твоего, уничтожил чью-то жизнь, или забыл день рождения вашей матери, то когда вы умрете, один или несколько из этих маленьких вредителей прийти к вам, а не мне. "
"Юк".
"Больше, чем гогот. Сатана определенным образом с души. "
"Держу пари, что делает." Guido смотрели с отвращением на домового.
"Мне придется сообщить об этом прицельно, информация может пригодиться позже в другом случае".

"Mesélj hobgoblins."
"Nincs semmi sok mondanivalója. Wicked, büdös, pajkos, és sima csicskás a Sátán és Lucifer. Vannak Ezrével, az utolsó szám. Gyerünk, van egy közelebbi pillantást. Mikor lesz valaha egy másik? "Guido lépett közelebb a lény, hanem azon kívül karnyújtásnyira.
"Sátán és Lucifer? Hát nem egy és ugyanaz? "
"Gyakori tévhit. Mindegy, csak hogy tudd, ez az, hogy mindez hogyan működik. Ha nem valami nagyon rossz az életedben, mint megölni valakit, hírnök körül a szomszéd felesége elpusztította valakinek az életét, vagy elfelejtette az anyád születésnapja, majd ha meghalok, egy vagy több, Ezek a kis kártevők jönnek érted, nem engem. "
"Yuk".
"Több, mint yuk. Sátán egy bizonyos módon a lelkek. "
"Fogadok, én igen." Guido nézett undorral a manó.
"Azt kell majd jelentse ezt észlelésekről az információkat jól jöhet később egy másik ügyben."

"Erzähl mir von Kobolden."
"Es gibt nicht viel zu sagen. Wicked, stinkende, spitzbübisch, und schlicht dogsbody Satan und Luzifer. Es gibt Tausende von ihnen, bei der letzten Zählung. Come on, einen genaueren Blick. Wann wirst du jemals ein anderes? "Guido ging näher auf die Kreatur, sondern aus greifbarer Nähe.
"Satan und Luzifer? Sind sie nicht ein und dasselbe? "
"Common Missverständnis. Wie auch immer, nur damit Sie wissen, das ist, wie alles funktioniert. Wenn Sie etwas wirklich Schlimmes getan in Ihrem Leben, wie jemanden töten, um mit der Frau deines Nächsten, zerstört das Leben eines Menschen oder Passwort Mutter Geburtstag versaut, dann Wenn du stirbst, eine oder mehrere dieser kleinen Schädlinge für Sie gekommen, nicht ich. "
"Yuk."
"Mehr als igitt. Satan hat eine bestimmte Weise mit Seelen. "
"Ich wette. I bedeutet" Guido starrte angewidert an der Kobold.
"Ich werde diese Sichtung berichten, dass die Informationen in handlichen später in einem anderen Fall kommen."

Opening few words of new novelette in 4 languages

I've worked on this a bit, don't know if it's ready yet, but here are the first few words of the new novelette. If you could send some feedback on it, that would be great. If you could read it, that would be great. English - Russian - Hungarian - German, using 'Google Translate', so I guess it's going to be a bit strange. It won't be a professional translation, but you'll get the gist of it.

 “What…?” Guido was up with a start. He looked over at his alarm clock which read 2:33. 2:33am? That was strange. The earliest he’d ever been up in his whole entire life was 5:52. He should know, he kept a record of it. Listening for a moment, there was nothing, and so he settled his head back down on the pillow. Over in the corner of his room was his luggage, two bags filled to the correct baggage allowance on the flight to the ship, enough clothes for 10 days before having to use the self-service laundrettes onboard. His tickets were still on his bedside table. In his 34 years 5 months and 14 days not-so-interesting life, he was finally about to embark on his greatest adventure, his first adventure. His only adventure. Four months on a world cruise. Closing his eyes, he shot straight up again once he heard the cough.

“What? Who…who? Who’s there?” He fumbled for his bedside light but couldn’t turn it on.

“Sorry.”

“What?” As much as he tried, he couldn’t switch the light on.

“Here, allow me.” A dark shadow appeared closer to him and switched it on. Guido jumped right out of his bed on the opposite side from what was now quite clearly a man.

“Who the hell are you? What…what are you doing in my bedroom?” The stranger moved out of the light and sat back in the chair where he was obviously sitting when he’d coughed.

"Что ...?" Guido было с начала. Я посмотрел на своего будильника читали 2:33 Какая. 2:33 утра? Это было странно. Самая ранняя он когда-либо был в его всю жизнь был 5:52 целой. Я знаю, я вел записи о нем. Прослушивание на мгновение, ничего не было, и поэтому я остановился голову обратно на подушку. В углу его комнаты был свой ​​багаж, двух мешков на правильный провоза багажа на рейс на корабле, достаточно одежды за 10 дней до того, чтобы использовать самообслуживание прачечные на борту. Его билеты были все еще на своем прикроватном столике. В свои 34 лет 5 месяцев и 14 дней не очень интересная жизнь, я был на пороге, наконец, его величайшее приключение, его первые приключения. Его единственное приключение. Четыре месяца круиза мир. Закрыв глаза, я выстрелил прямо одиннадцать раз я услышал кашель.
"Что? Кто ... кто? Кто там? "Он нащупал его постели света, но не могли его включить.
"Извини".
"Что?" Как бы я ни старался, я не мог переключать свет.
"Здесь, позвольте мне». Темную тень Появился ближе к нему и включил его. Гвидо вскочил прямо из постели на противоположной стороне от того, что теперь удалить Очевидно человека.
"Кто вы, черт возьми? Что ... что ты делаешь в моей спальне? "Чужой переехал из света и откинулся в кресле, где я сидел дюйма Когда он, очевидно, закашлялся.

"Mi ...?" Guido fent volt a kezdet. Néztem át az ő rádiós ébresztőóra olvasni 2:33 Ami. 2:33? Ez furcsa volt. A legkorábbi, amit valaha is fel egész életében volt 5:52 Teljes. Én csak tudom, én is vezetett nyilvántartást is. Hallgatása egy pillanatra, nem volt semmi, úgyhogy Betelepült fejét vissza a párnára. Over a sarokban a szobájából volt csomagmegőrzőt, két zsák tele a megfelelő poggyász a járat a hajó, ami elég a ruhák előtt 10 nappal, hogy használja az önkiszolgáló laundrettes fedélzeten. A jegyek még mindig az ő éjjeliszekrényen. Az ő 34 év 5 hónap és 14 nap nem túl érdekes az élet, azon voltam, hogy kezdeni végre a legnagyobb kalandra, az első kaland. Ő csak a kaland. Négy hónappal a világ körutazás. Lehunyta szemét, én lőttem egyenesen felfelé 11 megint hallottam a köhögés.
"Mi van? Ki az, aki ...? Ki van ott? "Ő kitapogatta az ágya mellett könnyű, de nem tudta bekapcsolni.
"Sajnálom."
"Mi van?" Bármennyire is próbáltam, nem tudtam kapcsolni a villanyt.
"Itt, hadd." Egy sötét árnyék Megjelent közelebb hozzá, és bekapcsoltam. Guido ugrott egyenesen az ágya másik oldalán, amit most eltávolítani Egyértelmű egy férfi.
"Ki a fene vagy te? Mit ... mit csinálsz a hálószobámban? "Az idegen költözött ki a fény és hátradőlt a széken, ahol ültem be Mikor ő nyilván köhögött.

"Was ...?" Guido war mit einem Ruck. Ich sah hinüber zu seinen Wecker zu lesen 2.33, welche. 02.33 Uhr? Das war seltsam. Die früheste er jemals hatte in seinem ganzen Leben gewesen war 05.52 Entire. Ich muss es wissen, ich habe einen Rekord von ihr gehalten. Hören für einen Moment, da war nichts, und so ließ ich mich seinen Kopf zurück auf das Kissen. Drüben in der Ecke seines Zimmers war sein Gepäck, zwei Taschen gefüllt, um den richtigen Gepäck auf dem Flug zum Schiff, genug Kleidung für 10 Tage, bevor er zur Nutzung der Self-Service-Wäschereien an Bord. Seine Karten waren immer noch auf seinem Nachttisch. In seiner 34 Jahre 5 Monate und 14 Tage nicht so interessantes Leben, ich war ungefähr auf endlich seine größten Abenteuer, sein erstes Abenteuer. Seine einzige Abenteuer. Vier Monate auf einer Weltreise. Er schloss die Augen, schoss ich gerade nach oben elf ich wieder den Husten zu hören.
"Was? Wer ... wer? Wer ist da? "Er tastete nach seiner Nachttischlampe, konnte aber nicht einschalten.
"Sorry."
"Was?" So viel wie ich wollte, konnte ich nicht das Licht an.
"Hier, lassen Sie mich." Ein dunkler Schatten Erschien näher zu ihm und schaltete ihn ein. Guido sprang direkt aus dem Bett auf der gegenüberliegenden Seite von dem, was war nun klar zu entfernen ein Mensch.
"Wer zum Teufel bist du? Was ... was machst du in meinem Schlafzimmer? "Der Fremde zog aus dem Licht und setzte sich wieder in den Stuhl, auf dem ich sitze in. war, als er offensichtlich würde hustete.

New novelette going well

The ideas just keep coming. Those 2 excerpts have changed, of course. Everything changes just after 5000 words. After that threshold, big ideas come which change the whole story. Big. I now have the hobgoblins and Satan in the story. I hope I can keep it to the 17000 word limit! Whatever happens, I'll be publishing this one :-) (TDX2 - https://www.smashwords.com/books/byseries/2766)

New comments on 'Rage'

Just got a few nice comments about 'Rage' on authonomy.com...


This is a brief, startling chapter that makes me want to read on to find out what is going on. I like the humor and love this line: “And if you can’t run, shuffle”—it’s brilliant. 

I have not actually read such a great comical short paced beginning to a book. I really do love your style.

More from the new novelette

At over 5000 words now, and it's going well, though probably won't go any further than 7-8000. That size is okay for a 1 POV short story. Graham Reader (Grim Reaper) is there, so is Peter, God, Audrey, and Mavis. Some of the 'Christmas Carol' type memory flashbacks are 'sad', but there are still laughs to be found in them.
Here's another excerpt. Guido is asking Mavis for a drink. Graham is holding a Re-entry form...

“Excuse me, do you have any water? I’m dying of thirst.”

“Is that meant to be a joke?”

“Sorry? No, no, really, I need a drink.” Mavis kept her eyes on Guido as she poured him a small glass of water from her own supply.

“Here.” Guido took the water and started drinking.

“Ah, a Re-entry form.” It was a tatty piece of A5 paper with a list typed on it. “What do you do with it?” With a tut, Mavis explained the process to Graham.

 “Choose which experience you wish to deal with. If you find some of credit, circle it on the paper, if not, cross it off.”

“Ah, technology today.” Graham tried to hand the paper over to Guido.

“No, Graham, you’re in charge. You’re doing it.”

“Oh, right. Have you got a pen?” She begrudingly handed him over a pen.

“I want that back when you’re done with it.”

“Sure.”

“Oh, and here’s your titty.” She blew a large layer of dust off a small circular device she found on a shelf and passed it to Graham.

“Long time since I’ve had my hands on one of these.” Guido sprayed his last gulp of water all over Graham.

“Sorry? What? Tittie? Excuse me? What’s that?” Graham took out a handerkerchief and wiped himself down.

“Well, with this we’ll be going back in time in your life, well, what you can remember of your life, but it has a limit.” Graham showed Guido the time device. “It’s called a Time-Travel Timer, a TTT, a’titty’. It allows us to travel through your memory and see what you experienced.”

“So choose wisely.”

“Ha, ‘tittie’. That’s a laugh.” Guido was starting to have a good time ‘up above’.

“We have to have some around here. Are you ready?”

“I’m not going anywhere, I’m dead.”

New MC based on Martin Freeman

Yes, corny, isn't it. The new Main Character of my new novelette, a short 'Man by a tree' revival, is based on Martin Freeman, of the 2005 Hitchhiker's movie. It's just so natural to write this part in the style of his typical casting. Already written the first 2000 words, the first 'scene' in the bedroom of 'Guido Leflorainex-Defouis'. It's reminiscent of HHGTTG and Monty Python all rolled into one.
Here's a short extract from the middle of the 1st scene with Guido and Graham Reader (Grim Reaper).

“I’m dead.”

“Yes.”

“And you’re the Grim Reaper.”

“Graham. Yes.”

“'I’m dead'. It’s a bit…blunt, isn’t it?”

“Mmm, I guess so.”

“Surely you’ve done this before. Couldn’t you have broken it to me a bit better?”

“You’re dead, what does it matter?”

“What? Couldn’t you have said something like ‘I’m terribly sorry to tell you this but you have just passed away in your sleep’ or something?”

“Could’ve done.”

“And?”

“Didn’t. I’m done with all that. See this?” Graham showed Guido his clothes, normal clothes bordering on boring. “Not the old black hood and cloak, is it? I haven’t worn anything like that for centuries. Too theatrical, it scares people. Why scare them? They’ve just died, they don’t need some bloke in a frightening hood to come along and say ‘I am Death. I have come for you.’” Guido laughed.

“Yeah, that’s good that.” Guido pointed to an imaginary table. “It was the salmon pâté!”

“Mousse, actually. Get it right.”

“Oh right, yes, so it was. Funny how the details really matter.” Guido sat there for a while, contemplating his death.

New Novelette coming

I'd like to enter the L. Ron Hubbard's contest, which means writing something sci-fi or fantasy which can be up to 17,000 words. This is the maximum word count for a novelette (17,500 actually). I have until the end of September to write and send it. I already have an idea, kind of a return to 'Man by a tree', just a little story based on the characters from that book. I could go on for years like that. It's a nice little idea, should be a nice read. Whether it'll be good enough to win a competition is another thing. So, if I don't win anything with it, I'll just self-publish it :-) Depending on its quality, of course.

Life of Brian, The Bethlehem Fiasco

Not many people reading the blog ATM. Though there are a few more countries to add to the growing list of hits....South Korea, Indonesia, Spain, and Italy. Yes, I haven't had Italy before.
I always wonder who exactly is looking at the blog. Is it readers? Is it potential readers? I'm beginning to feel it's neither. With the 'Life of Brian', it got it's credentials from its religious critics, as many people went to see the movie to find out what the fuss was all about. Perhaps 'The Bethlehem Fiasco' is too much for some people. Wait until they read 'The Rage of Atlantis'. Paranoia growing...
Entered another competition, will enter another later. Maybe one day I'll get lucky :-)

More competitions

Just entered one more short story competition, and finishing up an entry for another much larger one. Still a few more to look at before the month is done. Missed out on a huge competition, hope I can catch it next year.
Another competition at Glimmer Train, but you know what? They ask you to enter and then demand 15 dollars for a reading fee. What a scam. Why don't they get a sponsor? There are tons of writing competitions, unfortunately you have the pay an entrance fee for most of them.
All quiet on the book front...

Competitions

...it's all gone a bit quiet...
Had a look at the writing competitions available, with free entry, of course. There are quite a few, and I entered 2 tonight, 1 was the Six-word-story, the other the LAA 100 word story.
Hemingway wrote the first 6-worder to win a bet (For sale: baby shoes, never worn). Mine aren't Hemingway, but I had a go. The 100 word story is called "Girl from the East Country", the title is a spin of JJ Burnel's 'Girl from the Snow Country', a great piece of music (forgetting the drums, JJ, why don't you re-do it?)
And there's a few biggies I'll have to write for, the 1st being the Costa Book Awards (7th September deadline) and the 2nd the Shortsentence (end of August). And of course, I can enter the Hubbard with a short piece based on my fantasy universe. So, head down, and write.
Competition: First one to contact me on my website (http://djc.yolasite.com/) and give me their address will receive a signed copy of 'Man by a tree' (original version).

Szia magyar! (for English translate with Google:-))

Szia magyar!
Nos, a fordítás az "The Bethlehem Fiasco" jól megy, a legújabb részeket ellenőrzik az egy hegy tetején Kínában mellett egy taoista templomban. "Man by a tree" fordítás nagyon lassan megy. És kértem valakit, hogy vessen egy pillantást a "The Rage".
Ha a fordítás elkészült, meg fogom keresni egy kiadó. Ha ez nem működik, én saját közzé.
Nézd ezt a helyet ...

Это для русских ...(for English retranslate with Google)

Перевод через Google.
Вы, ребята получили это тяжело, я знаю. Я не чувствую, потому что я английский, но я жил в Восточной Европе уже более 10 лет, и это тяжело. Я не пью водку, хотя. Вы читали все мои письма? Что вы думаете об этом? Скажи мне.
Жаль, если вы не русский. Это было весело, хотя :-)

Ordering, submitting, resubmitting...

Just ordered a few copies of 'Rage' for people, It'll be nice to see it actually in print.
Last night got a rejection letter from one of the Penguin Group saying they think my 1st book isn't financially viable in today's market, so I sent them the first 10 pages of my 2nd book 5 minutes later, with the same cover letter, just changing the details of the 1st to the 2nd book. Editors can give set replies, I can give set submissions.
Also submitted a strange little story to another online magazine, waiting for that one. And I have a few more ideas for shorts. It's great how one idea springs another.

Slow week, some small submissions

Not much happening this week, sent a few short story submissions to some online magazines, and thinking of writing a few more, I've got tons of ideas. One of the best needs a lot of research though, which would take much longer to read up about than write the story. I read a few examples from other people which were already 'published', maybe my stuff just isn't mainstreamly dull enough. Who knows? Poems I don't really do, and the ones I saw on the online magazines were awful.
A few more new countries these few weeks, too. Sweden, Latvia (again, I think), Macedonia, and Bangladesh and Indonesia. Just got a little push from France, 11 hits.
That 'Name's Jack' thing? Made a little soap-opera argument about dialects/accents and grammar on authonomy.com. Finally re-wrote it and finished it as a short story. Well, finished means gave it an ending, but it could easily be just a scene from a novel, so tinkering with that thought ATM.

First person present or past?

Just started a thread on authonomy.com about writing in first person present or first person past and it brought up / is bringing up a lot of interesting stuff. The majority of books you read are written in the past tense, my 1st 3 were, it suited the 3rd person multiple POV style. But there are a hell of lot of them written in FPP (first person present) and readers don't even realise. Those books which used / use it are GREAT books, I'll just ring off a few...The Hunger Games, The Help, Trainspotting, and even Fifty Shades of Gray(I think perhaps I meant GREAT in terms of sales). I even found FPP in 'Disgrace' by Coetzee. If that ain't a stamp of approval, I don't know what is.
So, I'm experimenting. It's interesting. Some actions by my new Main Character (MC) seemed right in present, so I made the MC's action present, while all other actions past. It's strange but it seems to work.
...mmm, maybe I know why...YOU do something now, it happens in the present, whereas what YOU see has already been 'decided' before you see it, so it's in the past, even if it's a continuing process. Get it? I think I'll continue on, perhaps I'll crack it or not.

A 4th book? Come on! You're kidding me!

Well, maybe. I'm writing something at the moment which might just be a short story or novelle or maybe even another full novel. Not in the same style as the first 3 but something closer to home, from my 'old life'. Reading some of 'Vernon God Little' and 'Disgrace' for my paper got me in the mood for some serious stuff.
I've put a little on a forum on authonomy.com, but those mothers won't bite. Too busy congratulating each other on how fantastic or not they write. So I'm putting a bit on jottify.com here, see who has a look. It's a quieter site, but maybe someone will have a read.
I think it might turn into a novel, definitely a play. Someone said the other day 'Bethlehem Fiasco' would be good as a radio play. Will have to look into that.

'Bethlehem Fiasco' comments wordled

Put all the 'nice' comments together for another 'nice' picture. Notice the BIG words? That's the main concensus...

Man by a tree comments 'wordled'

And another...I'll make some for Bethlehem Fiasco and Rage soon.

Rage of Atlantis cover

Just thought I'd add an image for the first time on my blog...

A REAL review from a REAL reader - finally

The best reviews are from readers and NOT from snakes, non-English speaking individuals or people with their heads up their arses (that includes those with their heads up each others' arses). Another from the infamous dead 'Frank Zappa'...I know who you are :-) Thanks for buying the book and giving such a great review! A REAL review! 5 stars out of 5.

A read that takes you out of this world 27 July 2012

By Frank Zappa

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

We have all heard of the legendary world of Atlantis,- well this is the timeless story of how the legend came about.
It seems that it was all due to greedy and corrupt politicians with of course a helping hand from an avenging God. Is this a warning I wonder?
The political leaders of Atlantis, Plagamus and Odiouspelus (love the names) bring about the downfall of a vigorous and forward thinking democracy with the help of their colleagues on the Internal Departmental Institute Of Transferable Intelligence Committee (another great play with words) and Satan and his helpers. The story flows and is easy to read, it kept me interested all the way through.
Great entertainment.
I'm planning to read this book again along with Dani's other 2 books in the trilogy " Man by a Tree" and The Bethelem Fiasco in case I've missed anything in the first reading.

Parallel posting

I'll be posting in parallel for a while, trying out this blog...(http://danijcaile.wordpress.com). Have a look!
UPDATE: Since September 3rd 2012 I haven't touched that site, I have enough trouble keeping up with this one...and if it ain't broke, don't fix it :-)
After a month of reading on YouWriteOn.com, I've had enough. Even the Top 10 books are clones. There are some good writers and some good books, but they are mostly poor copiers writing poor clones. No wonder it is a slushpile. So, where to next?
'Man by a tree' - 'The Bethlehem Fiasco' - 'The Rage of Atlantis'
Do you see a connection?

Snakes and Pre-Intermediate English reviews

Well, one week off. Did ya miss me? Guess not :-(
Got a few reviews of my books on YWO, but mostly from idiots, snakes and people who can't read or write English. No, I'm not just saying that. The idiots don't know how to review, the snakes give a good review and then give very low stars, and the ones who can't read or write in English - well, they're just that, give incomprehensible and pointless reviews. I won't bore you with the details, the beginnings of my books are still rated quite high, even though the beginnings are not their strong points. I like a questioning 'where the hell am I?' kinda start.
Of course, there are some GREAT reviewers (they know who they are :-))

One week holiday...

Just off on a one week holiday, away from any computers!!!
So no posts for a week. You can relax.
'Man by a tree' is back on, even better than before, I think the new beginning helps a lot, perhaps I should try those few publishers allowing submissions again...
The Kindle version will be available again in a few hours, plus I'll have to update 'The Trilogy'...when I get back.
So, for all (all???) those who read my post, see you again in a week or so (unless something big happens), have fun, and above all, don't read any Grisham, okay? Bad for your creativity.

Finally! Someone figured it out!

You know, the 1st part of 'Man by a tree' has been re-written so many times, I've lost count. It always felt heavy, but I didn't know why. The 7th review on YWO told me: 3 POVs in 300 words. I just didn't see it, I was too close to it! So I changed it, it's all Kailen's POV now, plus I changed the 1st paragraph in the 2nd as it was more 'tell' than 'show'. The book is now going through the renewal process, it'll be ready again in a few days. Not like there's a rush or anything...

The Unique post

Update:
...'How to build a castle in 7 easy steps' is here!
http://www.amazon.com/Build-Castle-Seven-Easy-Steps-ebook/dp/B00SOZYR6G
Get your copy now!


Yes! Another Update: This post is THE BIGGEST! More people have seen this post than had 'pig's cheese' on a 2nd Wednesday in a month of Sundays!
Okay, as of 17 January 2014...
'Dani's Shorts' and 'TDX2' are still available FREE here...(both with over 200 downloads)
https://www.smashwords.com/books/byseries/2766
All my other books are on Amazon :-)
http://www.amazon.com/Dani-J-Caile/e/B00CDX0HSM
Please review wherever you can :-)...nice ones, of course, I'm trying to get out of my life in obscurity.


There doesn't seem to be anything original out there, all clones or clones of clones.
And Booker said there were only 7 basic plots. And he's right.
I just read a few pages of a cloner, Amazon Kindle rating 21,000 or something, way above me, I'm in the millions, and it was shit. The writer knew nothing about deep POV, with repetitive grammatical structures and piss-weak dialogue...but he sells books! Because it's about vampires. (I've made 2 references of vampires in my latest, 'Manna-X', but they exist in my new one 'How to' - coming soon!)

My first book was just to see if I could put it all together..."Man by a tree". It worked. Then I remembered my dream of writing a Jesus story..."Bethlehem Fiasco". Then I wanted to say something about civilisation and which one is the best? Atlantis..."Rage of Atlantis". And now "Manna-X"...

But you know what? Everyone who's read my books from cover to cover say they are 'unique', some even think they are original, which I doubt.
Originality was dead well before Shakespeare (who incidently borrowed from others).
For myself, uniqueness is the one to go for. And the search for the perfect sentence. Still not many sales, though :-( A few in November, December, and also January, the year starts well...

6th review of 'Man by a tree' YWO

Here's my 6th review of 'Man by a tree' on YouWriteOn.com. I've realised that it's like a French comedy, it starts off slowly, no one knows where it's going, then something happens out of the oridinary, and the story runs off at such a peace you don't know where you are!
Anyway, here's the review, the guy gave me: 44443432...yes, 2 for themes and ideas! ridiculous! Do you know how many themes and ideas there are in 'Man by a tree'? Hundreds!! Anyway...

"As a read I found it enjoyable and I smiled several times, I think that is one of your strong points so keep writing in a similar vein as comedy is definitely the hardest genre to master.
I wonder if this would be more suited as a short story? part of a collection of fantasies - but thats just my personal thought.
There are obviously a lot of future events to develop, such as what did Kailen type, what will happen to the musician etc and it's always difficult given the word allowance to showcase a story. But there is enough going on to keep the reader's attention
Mostly 4's and good luck with the book sales !"

Was at No.14!! Missed out on the Top 10 :-(

Just received a poor review on YouWriteOn.com on 'Bethlehem Fiasco'. How do I feel? I felt bad until I read some of this guy's work. Then I realised that he can't write. Unfortunately I had to use my 'Remove review' option on this person rather than help to get the book into the Top 10 by removing the lowest of my real good reviews. It was sitting at No.14, in the top 20 books on the site until his review. My other books are sitting at No.23 and No.24, which means they're in the Top 100 books ATM. I had a chance to get into the Top 10 with 'Bethlehem Fiasco' by the end of the month and now that's gone because of this...person, who gave me 33333332. There's always someone who spoils the party. Maybe he is religious...

6th review of 'Rage' from YouWriteOn.com

Here's the 6th review of  'Rage of Atlantis'. The 5th review was the lowest rating, so that'll have to go once I've got a few more...

"A lot of fun with serious undertones

In general – This is very well written. The pace is fast and keeps going. Clues are dropped subtly at exactly the right moment and that make it compelling to read on. I love the quirkiness. God’s assistant is Audrey. Great.
Beginning “hook” – The beginning is really exciting and gives the reader a lot of tantalising information. I must know more.
Story – I could keep the groups of characters apart and follow and become excited by the subplots. One missing element was who or what the “souls” are. I can project my idea, but I felt an emptiness of hints and clues.
Showing and telling – The story is shown very vividly. Again, good writing.
Character – I like the variety of names. Greekish names for one group; God and his crew another; Kang Dee is different again in what it evokes (and her kids are so funny). The groups are distinguished well, which is an achievement. I am unconvinced by dolphins being involved in the way you say because of my stereotype of dolphins. I am more engaged with the story than the characters. I haven’t specially connected to any of them and I miss that.
Setting –I wanted more colour, feeling, smell. This is the only area I can suggest development. I didn’t need a lot. After I’d read the text I realised I couldn’t “see” it.
Scenes – Again, really good. Concise. Each moved the story along. This is an achievement.
Dialogue – Good. Serves the story and the characterisation really well.
Language – Good and serves its purpose. Two speeches felt long: Oediouspelus and Kailen’s tirades. Perhaps I miss a certain richness of metaphors and similes – and perhaps they are not part of what you are writing which is more about action. (I hope this vagueness is a little bit helpful.)
I deeply wish you well with this."

That '2 star' from the 5th...%/?+*!

Characters
Story (plot)
Pace & structure
Use of language
Narrative Voice
Dialogue
Settings
Themes & ideas