Lejöttünk? Első könyv fordítása...

Első könyv fordítása...Első nap (1-5)...:-)~

http://jottify.com/works/lejottunk/

Az eredeti cím: "Az ember egy fa" nem működik a magyar.
(The original title 'Man by a tree' doesn't work in Hungarian.)
Több jön...:-)

The Star Trek Green Girl Fiasco

Yes, I seem to be in this type of fiasco, what with my Hungarian translations...
...no one seems to understand me (as Eponymous Rox says). It's like the 'Green Girl Fiasco' in the Star Trek's pilot, 'The Cage', as mentioned in William Shater's 'Star Trek Memories' (page 66-69) (This book is a 'MUST READ'!).
The story: no one had seen a green girl on TV before, and no one had tried to make skin green. Every time they got the rushes back from the lab, the girl's skin was pink. So, they kept trying and trying, spending more money and time, and still the rushes came back pink. Roddenberry called the lab and thec technician said "I've been working overtime the last three nights trying to correct your actresses' lousy green skin tones".
So, I'm in the same boat with translation, I put certain words together, sometimes they've never been put together, I try to stretch the language a little in my own tiny way. Unfortunately, it looks like only my wife and can translate my books correctly...but she doesn't have the time.
A guy I know wanted to translate 'Man by a tree', as he thought it was fantastic. Now, this guy is a great translator, so I was very pleased. Then I got the first few pages and noticed he'd changed words, taken some out and added some too. So, not so great. My wife has done about 25 pages so far...
I'm still waiting on 'Bethlehem Fiasco'...
Now, 'Rage', I asked someone else to have a go at the 1st 3 parts. I was surprised. Without checking it, I immediately saw something. In Part 3, the first line is actually the first line I wrote in the whole book. It was going to be the 1st sentence but the structure changed. This is it...


“Phew! I’m so tired I could watch a dog grow.” 

It was translated to ...
- Fű! Olyan fáradt vagyok, hogy mindjárt összesek. 
...which if you re-translate (Google Translate + me changing it back to correct grammar)...
Phew! I'm so tired that I could collapse. (actually, Google Translate said "Grass" and not "Phew")

This is nothing like the original. Even Google Translate can do something with it...
- Pfuj! Olyan fáradt vagyok tudtam nézni egy kutyát nő.
...oh what to do...as a writer it is my responsibility to get the reader to understand. But how far do I have to reach? And how far does the reader try?




 

Timeline post

Another reader just finished 'Rage' and said...
"It's great! But one question, how the f**k did you write it?"
'Rage' is complex, has many characters, many entwining plots, finishing on a 'volcano' of action.
'Man by a tree' was the introduction of my little universe. 'Bethlehem Fiasco' was a celebration of it. 'Rage' was the culmination of energy, thought, and ideas. 'Manna-X' allows you to move on, it connects all 3 (actually, TDx2 as well)...okay, all 4 of my works together into 1. Here is a timeline...:-) (I like timelines)
...there's still some space there...:-)

Nice post

Nice is a strange little word.
Origin. 1250-1300; Middle English:  foolish, stupid < Old French:  silly, simple < Latin nescius  ignorant, incapable, equivalent to ne-  negative prefix...
...but now it means pleasing, agreeable, etc.
I was on the HÉV (local train) and heard two almost retired Englishwomen speaking about their holiday in Budapest. The only descriptive word they used was 'nice'...for everything, the weather, the buildings, the people, the tea and cake they'd just had, the train, the sun, the seat, their clothes, all with varying quantifiers (very, etc). I had to get off the train, the last I heard they were discussing teaching English...AHHH!
Just finished editing the 'Manna-X' chapter with Moses and God (2nd time)...it's not often I laugh at the same bit of writing twice! Usually just a 'yes, good', 'yep, that works', but this one where they discuss the 10 Commandments...a big guffaw!

'Manna-X' draft complete!

Yes, finally the 1st draft is complete! 49,000+ words.
I'll read through it, spot the obvious spelling errors, deviations in the plot, extra little sentences needed / taken out here and there...
I would like some 'beta' readers, ones who could not only give a good comment but also ones who could review the book on Amazon. Anyone? More reviews, more sales.
I've noticed there's an 'Alice in Wonderland' thing going on with 'Manna-X', that's why I changed one of the characters' names from 'Fiona' to 'Alicia'. There are also references to 'Waiting for Godot (so obvious), Men in Black, The Master and Margarita, The Tragedy of Man...the list is quite long.
Repetition is strong, too. Life isn't linear, it's a spiral, things keep coming round, and there's one conversation in particular which goes round in circles.
Anyway, enough. I'm busy reading it now :-)
And thanks for the votes on...http://austinbriggs.com/flash-fiction-contest/what-if-he-was-right-manna-x-excerpt/ ...it's keeping above the slanderer :-)~

'Not Me' Continuation...(Little Oldme)

Thanks to 'Little Oldme' on my 'Not Me' 55er on Austin Briggs, I have some continuations on the original story. It's nice to rake up some old bones...
The original...'Not Me' (Jan 21 2013)

The pints flowed that night in the pub, him and me drinking through his personal hell. His girlfriend was pregnant and he knew it wasn’t him. I backed him up all the way, I’d help him find the guy. I’d make sure he wouldn’t find out it was me.

Then 'Little Oldme' added the girlfriend of the narrator of Not Me...(least, that's what they thought they did)

The silent tears flowed the next morning at the kitchen table. Him and me, smiling through my personal hell. My best friend was pregnant and I knew it was his. He didn't have to tell me. My broken heart already knew. I'd back him all the way, of course. I'd help him remember that he loved me and, when he did, I'd leave him... and I'd make sure he never knew why.

It's too long, 72 words in all, but hey.
Now I've added the 'Outsider' story...in 55 words :-)

They'd killed his child, without a word to him, not of the pregnancy, not of the abortion. His new girlfriend had left him for something he'd done before they'd met. Why did no one else see it? Ostracised and alone, he realised that fact and truth belonged to the individual, and they were not partners.

Moving on quite well...

Manna-X Cover...maybe

Jasper T. Scott has a trailer for his new book 'Dark Space', go and have a look, I read a pre-release and it's a very enjoyable sci-fi...www.jaspertscott.com
And me?  Look at this...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEO6vL15qWQ
Well, so far, 48,000 words, 98% 1st draft. Can't wait to edit! And here's the latest cover for 'Manna-X'. I've collected the few comments I've received so far...and this is what Createspace Cover Creator can do...

New Voting System for Austin Briggs 55-er

About early/mid March, I noticed in one day that every 55 word story went down by anything from 5 to 10 votes, making some 55 word stories -5, which is ludicrous. I don't particularly like a lot of the stories, in fact only a few, but I thought something fishy was going on.
I mentioned to Austin Briggs that something was going on, and he was trying to find out how to change it.
In the meantime, I stayed active, voting with my anonymous 1-vote-per-story, mostly 'thumbs-down' (it was my right to vote any way I liked).
Then the person who I thought had begun the 'dirty deed' accused ME of minusing down all the 55 word stories, as he thought I was using some infinite-IP address browser and he found out somehow that it was me. I researched this and there's no way anyone can find out someone's personal name from an IP address. I searched my own IP address and got the address of my internet supplier. Unless, of course, a hacker can get that type of info, therefore the accuser is a lot smarter than me at computers...get my drift?
Anyway, finally Austin Briggs changed the voting system. And then banned me from the site.
I have 2 April 55 word stories. Vote for both of them, if you want :-)
http://austinbriggs.com/flash-fiction-contest/what-if-he-was-right-manna-x-excerpt/
http://austinbriggs.com/flash-fiction-contest/in-the-night/

Both stories are excerpts from my new book 'Manna-X'...the draft is 95% finished...

A few sales! And discrimination?

A BIG thank you to those who bought 'Bethlehem Fiasco' yesterday, whoever you are! You paid in dollars, that's all I know...
Anyway, you may not know but Hungary is suffering from a Dictatorship, and the 'reigning' political party has a majority in Parliament and can change the CONSTITUTION of the country without any qualms, destroying Democracy and doing silly little things like restricting English learning in state schools (as the Education Miinister is a Francophile saying English is too easy - Why can't Mr. Viktor Orbán speak English, then? He can? Have you heard him? By all accounts it's terrible.). They even have control of the television - yes, CENSORSHIP.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, I've been looking around for a job, and today I didn't get a job because I'm a Taoist....???
Now, the thing is, I'm not a Taoist. One of my hobbies on my CV, other than writing, is practising Taoist Tai Chi, a health exercise, for myself and 95% of members it has absolutely nothing to do with Taoism, in fact most (if not all) of the leaders of this world organisation are Christian, with an interest in Taoism.
I replied saying I wasn't a Taoist...and now I'm still in the race for the job...hang on a cotton picking minute (always wanted to write that)! That's religious deicrimination. I'm looking into it.
BUT it did give me a few ideas for 'Manna-X', which was nice...:-)

Almost...but not quite

I'm at 45,000 words with 'Manna-X' now, just a few more scenes to write and then the first runthrough, to see where anything needs adding or taking away. I'm sure it'll need a bit of padding here and there, some scenes are skeletal in nature.
I also now have my very own Amazon Author's page...http://www.amazon.com/Dani-J-Caile/e/B00CDX0HSM/
Waiting on another Austin Briggs 55 worder to appear...and the 500 word competition will soon be here (May 9th if I'm not mistaken)
News: One of my favourite readers finally finished 'Rage', and she said it was very good, difficult to follow all the plotlines, but thankfully they all came together at the end :-)
Still very sad about sales :-(
Sorry? Yes, writing...:-)~

Ode to Eponymous Rox

If I could write an Ode, then it would be for this man, Eponymous Rox! (http://www.killingkillers.blogspot.hu/)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Eponymous Rox researches and writes about cops, curs and killers and has been featured on NBC and in Crime Magazine. The author is also a regular contributor for crimemagazine.com and the Gather News network, providing commentary and analysis of current events, unsolved crimes and developing cases. Explore the Killing Killers weblog, menu, tag cloud and side bar for more true crime special reports and publications, interact with the author and other readers, and anonymously cast your vote in the latest true crime opinion poll.

He just left me a comment on 'Manna-X' on authonomy.com. AND he backed it 6 times! Just to prove how much he liked it, I guess, as you can only back once.

With your wily work, I tend to focus on what's in parentheses. (I also think you are very misunderstood...and possibly always have been.)

E.R.

He was one of the few authors who actually advertised 'Man by a tree' on his own website! (Sadly, the ad's gone now, he has a new website (see above)).  Oh, here it is, way way way back in January 2012.

Great pic + Comment on 'Manna-X'...:-)

Nice little photo, huh? Another satisfied customer :-) (http://twitpic.com/cizy9g)

(hehe)

Got a nice comment on the first 6 chapters of 'Manna-X'...here are parts of those comments:-)

I absolutely adore what you've written so far. It's fast-paced, witty, and hooks you right from the beginning. You've obviously done some editing because it's very clean. The only critique I can offer is that during some of your dialogue in the second chapter, there is very little prose to indicate who is talking after awhile. It works because of the quick pace of your story, but it could get confusing.
Brilliant job!
L. Kolozak 

...so I have to be clearer with the Dobs (now called Bobs) :-) Will fix that.

'Man by a tree' Part 1 revisited

'Man by a tree' revisited. The first few sentences of a book are VERY important. I noticed after I'd updated it some months ago, it wasn't so good. Now I've corrected it. It's going through the process now, will be ready tomorrow :-)
It's always difficult to get that first bit correct, and it was THE first writing I'd done for 20 years. It was difficult to touch it, but now, after a year of writing it, I think it's better. Of course, it's meant to be a parody of its genre...:-)

Day One 

1

The storm had raged all night, rivers filled the drains, water covered roads. Just as he was told it would. Wind blew trees in unison, and whistled through leaves. The streets were deserted.

Emerging into the night, Kailen popped his tiny spiky features and beady little dark eyes out through the smallest of crevices in the pavement, followed by a flickering of wings, thin body, spindly legs and hairy feet. With one big push, Kailen the hobgoblin shot up into the dark sky, breaking sheets of falling rain. He flew higher, struggling over the apartment blocks, past the skyscrapers, illuminated by the occasional lightning bolt. He was looking for that promise of a ride.

'Trilogy' review on Amazon.com

Got a review for the 'Trilogy'! First one...of more, I hope. 4 stars...Hey, can't be bad! At least there's some movement going on!
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Trilogy-Contempory-Fantasy-Dani-Caile/dp/1478139072/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1365754769&sr=1-1&keywords=dani+j+caile

I just realised, if I sell 1000 ebooks (or 500 Trilogies) in one month, I can just get by on bread and water. So, how many did I sell in March? I'm embarrassed to even say :-(

Anyhow, here's a copy of the review...:-)

4.0 out of 5 stars Three in one 12 April 2013

By Tom - Published on Amazon.com

Format:Kindle Edition

Three books in one for a couple of quid. Bit of a bargain really. So did I enjoy them? Yes I did. - I've done them separately and there's an average of 4.3333 recurring stars

Man by a tree
4*
This is going to be a marmite book, either something you like or something you hate. I happen to be the former. I like weird books where you have no idea what the hell (quite literally in some cases) is going on and then everything makes sense when all the story threads tie together, though you have to pay careful attention to some things.

Bethlehem Fiasco
5*
A satire set in biblical times! I remember the controversy over Life of Brian, so I'm going to give it 5 stars because there will be people out there who will give it 1 because of its content. Things have to balance out in a zen sort of way.

Rage of Atlantis
4*
I found this a bit strange, the subject matter is quite dark (the people's behaviour depressingly is all too familiar to real life) and yet the style of writing is quite humorous. E.g. I've never read a book before where Satan is caught having a poo. I did have difficulty visualising Atlantis at some points and at times I was thinking - who is this again? But stick with it, everything comes together in the end.

7000 hits and 40,000 'Manna-X' words

Thank you to all who've 'hit' me - not literally. Thank you to all those who've read my blog posts, 7000+ today! I'm also ill, so I'm lying down, typing this post, and working on 'Manna-X', which is healing nicely, thank you (Zappa quote there, if ya didn't notice). 40,000 words so far. Still quite a bit to write up and even 'think' about, too. I'm looking for 50,000+ insane words.
So, what is it really about, this 'Manna-X'? It's about desires and their immediate conflicts with the world around them. The book is AGAIN heavy on dialogue, but isn't that what life is about? Communication and its struggle, success, failure?
The book is also crazy. I know it's turned me crazy. I hope that when I read it in the editing stage that I'll find it makes sense....
The first parts are up on authonomy.com, I updated them only the other day...
http://authonomy.com/books/50429/manna-x/
What? Okay, okay, writing already...
Check out 'The Next Big Thing' post, too, for more info :-)
http://danijcaile.blogspot.hu/2013/04/the-next-big-thing-blog-hop.html 

And I have another 55 worder on Austin Brigg's site...not that it does a lot of good, but hey.
http://austinbriggs.com/flash-fiction-contest/in-the-night/
Also entered a 99 word contest with 'Girl from the East Country' (JJ Burnel reference there (Snow Country))

THE NEXT BIG THING (BLOG HOP)

THE NEXT BIG THING (BLOG HOP)

(also posted on Book Blog - http://bookblogs.ning.com/profile/DaniJCaile)

What is a blog hop? Basically, it’s a way for readers to discover authors new to them.  I hope you'll find new-to-you authors whose works you enjoy. On this stop on the blog hop, you'll find a bit of information on me and one of my books and links to other authors you can explore!
My gratitude to fellow author Jasper T Scott for inviting me to participate in this event. You can click the following link to learn more about his work, especially his new book 'Dark Space'.
Website: http://www.jaspertscott.com/
In this blog hop, I and my fellow authors, in their respective blogs, have answered ten questions about our book or work-in-progress (giving you a sneak peek).  We've also included some behind-the-scenes information about how and why we write what we write-the characters, inspirations, plotting and other choices we make. I hope you enjoy it!
Please feel free to comment and share your thoughts and questions. Here is my Next Big Thing!

BTW...
Update: This post is getting a lot of hits!
Okay, as of 22 Sept 2013...
'Dani's Shorts' and 'TDX2' are still available FREE here...
https://www.smashwords.com/books/byseries/2766
All my other books are on Amazon :-)
http://www.amazon.com/Dani-J-Caile/e/B00CDX0HSM
Please review wherever you can :-)...
And I'll be in the Iron Writer Autumn Equinox Open VERY soon. Please get your voting fingers ready :-)
http://theironwriter.com/tournament/2013-autumn-equnoix-open-participants/

1: What is the working title of your book?

It was going to be 'The Manna Machine' but someone beat me to it, so it's called 'Manna-X'. It has the craziness of 'man' inside and eludes to 'manner'(s), two essential items in the book. It's also a little 'X'-treme, in terms of sanity and writing process itself.

2: Where did the idea come from for the book?

I'm always trying to think of scenarios which can carry my message of humanity and it's ultimate stupidity travelling down this road it has decided upon, and I stumbled upon an article about a scientific study on the Manna machine, a machine given to Moses to feed his people and do lots of other fantastic things. I've had an idea of a book in my head for a while now but couldn't get it out, fragmented pieces I put out under the title 'Sicknotized'. But now I can do it justice.

3. What genre does your book come under?

Comedy fantasy. There's not much out there that's any good. I read an example of the genre the other day, and it had no jokes, wasn't funny, in fact it had no substance at all, a few infantile rants but that was all. Another one was a poor Douglas Adams imitation. At least I try in my 'Carry On' sort of way to be original, and if not, then quirky. It usually creates a few titters.

4: Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

Tricky, it would have to be a laid back Jason Statham as Graham, just because I like him. Other than that, I can't think of anyone special.

5: What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

There's a race to find the Manna-X, a machine so powerful it can shape the world around it, but no one knows where it is.

6: Is your book self-published, published by an independent publisher, or represented by an agency?

Self-published. I'm not waiting 6 years for 1000s of rejection letters. Publishers only print money now, books from their known authors with known fan bases. No one is going to risk their time and money on a 'no-name' author. The best thing for me is to write and put it out there. If anyone wants to read my work, let them. If any publisher wants to pick it up, they can. But overall, I hope all who read it, enjoy it.

7: How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

Still haven't finished it, so far it's taken over 3 months, perhaps I'll finish in a few more, the way things are going.

8: What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

Douglas Adams, I guess. There's no one else. Tom Sharpe always comes to mind, in terms of humour, and a few readers mention Terry Pratchett.But it's all a little darker and crazier than all of them put together.

9: Who or what inspired you to write this book?

Me. With every book I try to add a little more, do a little better, go a little stranger, deeper...and as with Hemingway, I'm trying to find the perfect sentence, and copying Shakespeare by trying to kill as many characters as possible. It's a life challenge.

10: What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

A few questions, perhaps. What can be found among King Solomon's treasures? Who will find the Manna-X? Where exactly is it now? And how can two stupid hobgoblins fight their way out of a paper bag?


Who’s next on the NEXT BIG THING BLOG HOP?
So glad you asked!
Below you will find authors who will be joining me by blog next week. Do be sure to bookmark and add them to your calendars for updates on Works in Progress and New Releases! Happy Writing and Reading!
Tannis Laidlaw is a nice wonderful read, while Linda Talbot has a crazy 'Son of the White Mare' thing going on with her mythical poems and stories.
I hope you can add them into your calendars next week!

Linda Talbot's blog on Tuesday April 16th: http://lindajtalbot.wordpress.com/


Tannis Laidlaw's blog on Wednesday April 17th: http://tannislaidlaw.com/

Manna-X updated + Swearing

Updated and put up the first 6 chapters of 'Manna-X' here at http://authonomy.com/books/50429/manna-x/

Scientists. They've found a part of the brain which is connected to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I wonder if blogs and writing are in there somewhere? Anyway, if this part of the brain doesn't work properly, then many things can happen, even scrupulosity (a psychological disorder characterized by pathological guilt about moral or religious issues). I don't think these people should read my books...
...and OCD of course includes things like compulsive washing of hands, cleaning...and swearing.
I don't have any swear words in my books, due to the nature of my books, I'd rather not use them...in the written form, anyway.
As can be seen here (The Science of Swearing), swearing is negatively correlated to a whole lotta pyschological and lingusitic stuff. If I swore in my writing that would open up a huge can of worms...
So, I hope you enjoy reading the first part of 'Manna-X' - I'd love some feedback, especially from my 'anonymous' readers :-)

Insane post

Yes, finally, someone said 'Rage' was insane - in a postive way, of course. Along with a lot more worrying (for that reader) issues. I had a difficult time writing it, compared to the first 2. Now I see with 'Manna-X' that there are different processes of writing, and so far all 4 of my books have taken a different writing process to complete. Lots of 'different' there.
But I love the way things just link together, pieces fall into place. Maybe as a reader you can't see this. I like writing complex plots with hidden messages that make people think. There are a few books I'm reading from other authors and they're so linear, like my 'TDX2' freebie. For me, that was a rest, to see if I could win a competition (I never win competitions), and then it's just a nice linear example of my writing. 137 downloads.
I also entered a 99word competition (link later) and Austin Briggs 55 worder again. My first 'Not Me' is the first to receive 100 votes, and 87 were thumbs up!
Still writing 'Manna-X'....:-)

Evil Post

One reader asked "Why are your books full of evil people?"
Evil people? No, I don't think so. People taking wicked choices through opportunity? Yes.
wickedness + lack of authority + apathy of others = evil
So, the answer to the original question "Why are your books full of evil people?" is "Why are you so apathetic to those who are wicked?"
But you can't change people. They can only change themselves.

Another reader said "Wouldn't it be funny if you had 'real' monkeys in these books?"
2 things. 1. He missed the point. 2. He believes humans are not monkeys / not animals, or maybe that humans are superior beings (?!?). There, there, everything will be alright, don't you worry yourself...:-)

Manna-X is slowly coming...32,000 words...had to do some fixes, the version on authonomy.com no longer resembles the draft.

God versus King Solomon 'Manna-X' excerpt

Wrote about 2000 words of 'Manna-X' today, including God versus King Solomon. Here's just a part of that encounter...:-)

"Whatever. Have you got the Manna-X or not?"

"Got. Along with some other stuff." Solomon looked dejected and opened the door. "Follow me."

 The small square golden room dimmed in comparision with the secret expanse behind the hidden door. Masses of jewels, coins and ingots of precious metals were piled high, some touching the great hall's beautifully muraled ceiling some 20 metres up. Lying here and there were an assortment of crowns and treasures, and chests filled with jewellery of all kinds.

"Nice, isn't it?"

"What is this place?"

"My collection, my treasure."

"Really? Nice."

"But my real treasures are over here." Solomon motioned God to follow him over to the right, to a small area cornered off from the sparkling world around it. "Over here."

God recognised a few of the artifacts sitting on display.

"Oh, isn't that...?"

"Yes, the Golden Lyre of Sumeria. And over there are the Aye-aye skinned bongos of Kush."

"Lovely." God gave the lyre a pluck, closely followed by a blow on a golden kazoo right next to it.

"Careful! That's the sapphire and diamond encrusted kazoo of Quetzalcoatl! Put it down!" God opened his mouth and let it fall back next to the lyre. There were more things here than just sacred musical instruments. There was Joseph's Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, a bit faded now, probably left out in the sun for a few centuries. Not so technicolor anymore, more two-colour. And Noah's rudder, big and strong, even with a bite in it from some ancient predator who couldn't find a pair. There was even a bottle of Samson's shampoo, mango fruit, of course. Solomon started to introduce his collection as the proud owner of all.

"Nice stuff."

"Stuff?" Solomon moved on, down the display, past books and documents. God read a few titles off the spines, The Idiot's Guide to Mummification, 1001 recipes for Lentils, How to build a Pyramid in 100 easy steps, and of course the best seller, Things you mustn't say to your de-throned mother-in-law. Solomon noticed God's interest. "I have The Old Testament, too, in many versions. Maybe you can tell me which one is the original?" God laughed.

"Hey!" God stopped at a set of books which included astrology, astronomy, ecological substance development, mathematics and quantum physics. "You've got The Olmecian Almanac!"

"Yes, I had to save up a lot of stamps for those. These…" Solomon pointed to a small collection of toys. "These are the pinnacle of my collection. You can forget all the gold and jewels, these are the real sacred treasures."

"They're toys."

Back with a vengence! King Solomon???

Wow! China just hit with me with a ton of views! Thanks!
Just got back from 5 days off, doing some reading and stuff, and collecting ideas for 'Manna-X'...no, it's not finished yet! I read the first bit on authonomy.com again and it needs A LOT of work...but I know what :-)
Just need time to write it all down...got King Solomon in there somewhere now, a great little piece about halfway through the book, should bring a smile to people's faces.
Yes, that's the main reason why I write - entertainment! There are deep messages, of course, but you don't need to 'get' them! Just snigger, laugh, chuckle :-)
Writing...now...

Iron Writer Challenge 500 wrd story part 1

Yes, I got myself into this competition, the date that was given to me was March 28th. Unfortunately, I found out I would be on a 5 day holiday then (so yes, I'm on holiday now :-)). So the guy running it got me changed to May 9th.
On March 28th, I got an email with my 4 elements. Not knowing what to do, I thought about a story while driving to my holiday destination and typed it into an e-mail later that night. After a few emails, I found out it was a mistake on his part, and that I'm still May 9th, and that I'll need to write another 500 word story for the challenge, with 4 new elements, with 3 days to write a story. Now I have an excellent 500 word story with nowhere to go...so here it is :-) Please comment on it. Perhaps I'll send it to an online magazine...

Hunting on the Beach

"Let me guess, you’re a vampire slayer?” The suncreamed brute of a man stood in his way.

"Why, yes, I am. What ever gave me away? My swarve charismatic persona, my rippling muscular physique, my…?”

"That 1880 Vampire Hunter Kit slung across your back.”

Tom grabbed the kit and held it in front of his naked body.

"Oh, yeah.” The element of surprise was lost.

"And that’s one hell of a ’wooden stake’ you’ve got there.” The man pointed down to Tom’s protrusion.

"Ah. Yeah, err, sorry, I’m not really used to this, I guess.” He tried to hide his modesty with the kit but the strap was too short, so he moved his bumbag to the front. The man held his ground.

"So, what’s a vampire slayer like you doing in a nudist colony like this?” The man lifted his sunglasses and gave Tom a wink.

"Err…fishing? Yes, fishing.”

"With a rod like that, I guess so.”

Maybe it was time for Tom to make a quick getaway before things got a little complicated. He was on a mission, not a pick up.

"Fishing for what?”

Names of fish ran through his mind, but only one came out.

"Carp.”

"Carp?”

"Yes, carp.” As good a fish as any.

"But carp is a river fish.” The man crossed his arms.

"And? Your point is?” Tom tried not to look down, he grabbed his bumbag for protection.

"This is a beach.”

They both looked around, taking in the scene with naked bodies sunbathing, playing, dipping in the ocean.

"So what are you really here for?”

Tom raked his brains, and pulled out his mobile phone charger from his bumbag.

"Looking for a place to plug this in.” He smiled at the man, then realised that might have given him the wrong impression.

"I can think of one or two places you could stick that.” The man moved closer. "Come on, what are you really here for?”

"I’m, err…” The secret was out, anyway. "I’m on the trail of a renowned vampire.”

The man took a step back.

"You don’t say! Well, have you found this ’vampire’ yet?”

"Err, no, not yet.”

"On the beach somewhere?”

"Err, no.”

"In the midday sun?”

Come to think of it, there was something wrong with his initial plan.

"Just how many vampires have you killed, sonny?”

"Tons!” Tom stood proud, but unfortunately the kit still didn’t reach.

"Really?” The man stared Tom out.

"Some?”

"Are you sure?”

"Okay, none…but I’m keen to get started!”

"Yes…hey!” The man suddenly pointed inland. "I just saw a bat! Over there!”

Tom grabbed his vampire kit and looked in the direction the man had indicated.

"Where?”

"Over there, see?”

It could be the lead Tom needed! He nodded to the man and sped off across the sand, following the man’s pointing finger.

As Tom disappeared into the grassy area connecting the beach to land, Nosferatu turned back to his friends playing volleyball.

"Hey Vlad! Any chance of a game?”

2 things a writer needs...

1 thing a writer needs...
1. readers!

2 things a writer needs to write...
1. a writing skill
2. an interesting story

The first can be learnt, the second cannot.
The story should flow like water...
I always get this comment..."I'm not a fan of this genre, but I had to keep reading..." I think that means I may have both.
I remember Jo Lynn's first attempt at her Editor's Desk book "Who Killed the President?" She had the 2nd but not the 1st. Now, of course, over 6 months down the line, she got it, it's VERY good.
Another, new guy, Dieter Keller, who commented on 'Manna-X', he has the 2nd and is working on the 1st...he will get there :-)

Unfortunately, that's not the whole story. You need good maerketing, too. Reviews, interviews and good artwork...which I still haven't got...:-(
I found Skottie Young's work here...
http://skottieyoung.deviantart.com/
It's great, just right for the books, but...
1. he's busy
2. said no one would do it for free... "need to put bread on the table"
...I hear ya, Skottie!

I can't believe you aren't already famous

As well as his fantastic review of 'Rage' on Amazon, Jasper (I hope I can use first name terms now, he's one of the only self-published authors I can read without...)...where was I? Yes, Jasper sent me his honest opinion, writer to writer. Well, I now have a big head :-) BUT he did hit on my biggest weakness...my ARTWORK!
I really need a cartoonist to make me some covers for my books. There was a guy from India who offered his services cheap (not cheap enough, of course, cheap for me being free)..(and another guy from India who wanted to translate my books, but that's a different story), but his style would have been good for horror and erotic books, not comedy fantasy.
IF ANYONE KNOWS OF A BUDDING CARTOONIST, PLEASE GET THEM TO CONTACT ME!
Jasper also said one of the most wonderful things I've heard so far...
"I kept thinking as I read it that I can't believe you aren't already famous."
..now that's just, well, what a great guy!
I'm also up on an author database, maybe it'll help...
http://www.authorsdb.com/authors-directory/1858-dani-j-caile

5 star review on Amazon (Rage)

Oh, unbelievable! I just received a 'dream' review from another author, Jasper T Scott!
5 star review of 'Rage'
It says everything about the book I hoped someone would :-)
Here it is...

Douglas Adams is Back!, March 25, 2013

by Jasper T. Scott

If you loved Douglas Adams, then you're bound to love Dani J. Caile! Rage of Atlantis is a good detective story with lively characters and surprisingly strong writing. There are the usual improbable elements which you find in, say, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but those are the very same elements which make you smile and burst into laughter. Dani's writing is witty and engaging, and his plot in this novel is well-developed and kept my interest all the way through. Using parody, Dani deals with some unexpectedly deep and human issues, and although you may need an open mind to read Dani's work, I can promise that if you do open your mind to read this book, you'll find Rage of Atlantis to be a stunning read--I certainly did. 

Thank you, Jasper :-)

Writing is FUN

If I can find the time, writing is FUN. The things you can come up with!
I was in character, Satan, trying to write a dialogue and I had to take out the rubbish. Out the front door of the flat, out the front door of the communal house and rubbish goes into the bin outside. I put the code in to open the door and it doesn't work. I try again and realise it doesn't work...again. It's dark, minus 3, I'm in my joggy bottoms and t-shirt, no phone, no key, and in character, Satan. The skinhead walking by gave me some space...
...but then when I was able to get in, I wrote my 'acknowledgement' to the 'fly in my soup' joke :-)

MSND + Waiting for Godot

Just re-read this, my ESL version of Midsummer Night's Dream. Someone in France was interested in it. I haven't seen it for a while. Makes me chuckle :-) Class 6c did a fantastic job.
http://djcshakespeare.yolasite.com/mnd-script.php
Reading a thesis on Waiting for Godot at the moment, good stuff. How I LOVE the play.
On ONE level (of many), the characters are insignificant, they carry the story, and the symbols express the message of the writer, whatever that may be, because it is up to the reader to interpret what they see and hear. Only the audience is of importance. Hello. :-)

Manna-X cover

I don't know how he did it, but Sean Connolly actually commented for 'Manna-X' on 'Man by a tree'...I think. So, I have 3 great comments for the back cover!
I have found that if you create the frame, the rest will appear ...and it has! (put a frame around it and it becomes art - something Frank Zappa said) This morning I worked out 95% of 'Manna-X'...now to find time to write it all up :-)
Here is the cover :-) I like to keep them simple. Imagine that on your shelf...

Zir and the Anti-book

I love Waiting for Godot, in my honest opinion, Beckett's masterpiece. And that's what I try to reach, my masterpiece. As far as I can say, they've ALL been mastepieces :-)~ Well, someone has to believe, why not me?
Anyway, my latest, Manna-X, is growing, or more specifically, Zir is growing. Who is Zir? He is bad. Very bad, even worse than those guys in 'Rage'. Satan, the devil, is just a character created from religious thought, but Zir encompasses the empathetic evil of the universe, Zir IS the tonal, the flow, above words, names, good and bad, Zir IS. Zir will grow like a plague in the book. He starts off as one sentence, then a paragraph, until he becomes a full blown character, the evilest piece of work ever. But don't take it out on him, he's just what he is.
And there is a structure growing in my head for the book, very different from the others. MBAT is a mesh of plots culminating in a volcanic end, BF follows one poor guy through to the end, Rage has roads leading to final destruction, while Manna-X is like a tarantula...an 'anti-book'...:-) But you'll love it, you won't feel a thing :-)