Monday, December 31, 2012

Support an author, buy their books!

I was thinking again (oh no). All those books I bought, all those books from the bookshops and internet and Kindle (buy? Ha! Aren't they all free up to 7 days?). I was not only looking for some 'entertainment' but also 'supporting' the authors and the publishing houses. Yes, I've bought Dan Brown books! It's me that is to blame for publishing houses looking for crap to publish, it's my fault that 100s of thousands of potential authors clone Brown's and Grisham's books, desperately trying to get published. It's my fault as a reader that the publishing houses keep the literacy level low! And now that I have no money, I can't go and buy those books which could change the shape of the future literacy market and bring a capital 'L' back into literature. The rot will continue without me!
So, support this author, this author who's trying desperately to increase the literacy level of readers, and get a book!
My books on

Finally, the 4th book!

After 'Rage', my writings gone all over the place, writing short stories, a few poems, some ideas here and there, and 2 novellas, 'Too Dull to Die' and 'Sicknotized'.
Now a few of those ideas keep popping up and now I've got the seed of my 4th book. But what to call it?
The final inspiration came when I was listening to the Stranglers' 'Gospel According to the Men in Black'.
It'll be based on that, that's all I can say at the moment. Maybe I'll call it 'The Manna Machine', though there is alreadyy a book with that title :-(
There's a female character, 4 'strange' men (from another planet), and of course the 'evil' counterparts. The story will revolve around the Manna Machine. There is some stuff on wiki about it, but my Manna Machine is slightly different :-)~ So, watch this space :-)

Friday, December 28, 2012

Cheaper Kindles!

Yes, I finally put the prices down :-) is doing something strange with the prices, I set them low, and they put them higher???
At the moment, the cheapest place to buy my Kindle books is at
'Man by a tree' ... £1.02
I tried to make it £0.99 but even put it up a 3p! The other Kindle books will follow very soon, but who knows what is doing???

Thursday, December 27, 2012

'Man by a Tree' Chapter 7 snippet

The first mention of Sniff and Grint, the two dumb hobgoblins orderedto follow Graham Reader around...

“Let’s eat,” said Sniff, eating kept his mind off his nose. They both took out some sandwiches and ate. Grint took out his flask and poured himself a cup of hot fairy tea. He held the cup for a few moments, mesmorised by the action below in the church, or maybe his brain had just stopped, that was more probable. He burnt his hand.
“Oww! It’s hot!” Grint put his tea down on the beam they were sitting on. Sniff put his finger into the cup and measured its temperature.
“Nah, that’s okay, just be careful drinking it.” He took his finger out and continued to eat and wipe his nose.
“Drinking it? I’m not drinking that now. You put your finger in it!” Even the stupid spotted the obvious.
“Okay…” Sniff picked up the cup, measured his finger against the cup, and drank that much from the cup. “See, I’ve drunk that bit now.” He passed the cup back to Grint.
“Oh.” He seemed happy with the result. “But what about my drink? You drank most of it.”
“How about a pixie stick?” Sniff rummaged through his backpack.
“Yeah, that’s com…pen….that’ll do.” It took him time to find words, but long ones were pointless. Sniff took out a pixie stick, a tiny miniscule example of a pixie stick. “Err, that’s a bit small for a pixie stick, ain’t it?”
“Err…” Sniff wiped his nose with his finger.”Nah, it’s just very, very, far away.”
“Oh...right.” Grint was working on the math. “How long will it take to get here?”
“Oh, at least a few seconds, here it comes,” Sniff slowly brought the pixie stick closer and closer. “It’s coming, it’s coming,” closer and closer, “and here it is!” Sniff put it into Grint’s anticipating open mouth, and Grint gleefully began to chew on it. Grint was at first happy, then realising its true size, was a bit disappointed. Shrugging his shoulders, he crunched on it in his mouth and ate it, gone in one gulp.

Why 'Man by a Tree'?

That's what people ask me. Not that they read the book, just they're curious about the title. The books on the market with 'tree' in the title aren't so...interesting. But...
1. The title 'Man by a tree' is one translation of my original family name from my original ancestral place. Other translations are 'man by oak tree', or 'folk by a tree'.
2. The book 'Man by a tree' is about us monkeys. Humankind, after thousands of years of civilization, is still only a step away from their origins in the trees. We are still standing 'by a tree'. Look around, see the shallowness surrounding you...
3. The image of a man by a tree shows loneliness, being alone. There are even some scenes in the book where the main character, Graham Reader, is alone with trees.
4. And there is, of course, the obvious reason, if you have a copy in your hand, that is. You are a 'man' (long ago, 'women' were also called 'men') 'by' a 'tree' (paper is wood)
I've been told it takes a few pages to warm to the book and its style, but once you're in, you're in. Shame not many sales, there's a lot of things said in the book, and I'm not talking about Chapter 2 or 3.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

The difference between Self-Publishing and 'Real' Publishing

To continue the topic that everyone's Kindle book is FREE (, I was thinking about the differences between Self-Published books (A) and 'Real' published books by Publishing Houses (B).
I have read 1000s of books so far in my life, of all types and standards, and in the last year mostly self-published books. In terms of writing skill, there really isn't much between A and B, except that the standard is a little higher in B...but that's not to say there aren't some real humdingers in A! AND there are plenty of bad books in B, books which are so bad I couldn't get past the first page. NO, I'm not fussy, I just don't see why I have to read regurgitated crap.
Other than writing skill, B has the advantage of marketing, distribution, advertising, money and backing (people who will push the book). Sure, group A has friends and family, but this is not the same kind of backing, they're not 'in the business'.
So, unfortunately, IMHO self-publishers have a real hard time...and don't I know it!

Monday, December 24, 2012

Everyone's Kindle for FREE

Just had a Kindle sale, but then it was refunded, which made me think. There are 3 reasons why this happened.
1. It was a mistake, they didn't want to buy it.
2. They bought it, read 1 page, hated it and asked for a refund (likely if they have an IQ of less than 80)
3. They bought it, read it all in the 7 days allowed, and then asked for a refund.
The first is understandable.
The second is just a kick in the butt. I hope it wasn't that one.
The third is...well, Amazon Kindle gives the buyer 7 days. Within those 7 days, the buyer can ask for their money back. That means that if you have the time to read a book in 7 days, you've read it for free!
Not that any of us are in this for money or anything...:-)

By the way...
Update: This post is getting a lot of hits!(yes, there's a few of them now)
Okay, as of 22 Sept 2013...
'Dani's Shorts' and 'TDX2' are still available FREE here...
All my other books are on Amazon :-)
Please review wherever you can :-)...
And I'll be in the Iron Writer Autumn Equinox Open VERY soon. Please get your voting fingers ready :-)

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Talking female dolphin heroine

Working hard on the movie script for 'Rage' at the moment. Looking good. And of course, getting ready for Christmas. It's surprising that no one wants a Jesus book for Christmas, especially mine :-(  (Bethlehem Fiasco)
My 1st and 2nd books were heavy on male characters, with only a few female ones, so for my 3rd I wanted a female heroine...and I got one...I guess...but she's a dolphin. Why?
1: I thought a dolphin character would be good, considering it was set in Atlantis, always connected to water, that legend, plus it gave an angle on the prejudice/different races theme.
2: I thought dolphins were loved by all...I guess not.
And why a female dolphin? Because when I tried to write a female human, I didn't feel it was 100% true, but a female dolphin was possible. I'd have to live my life as a girl to really get into a female human character...Did I become a female dolphin, then?....Only for a while :-) (Rage of Atlantis)

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Scenes 4 + 5 of 'Rage'

Here's scenes 4 and 5 from the script of my 3rd book 'Rage of Atlantis'. They should be seen together, as they contrast the world of monkeys, sorry, humans, to the world of hobgoblins. I just loved writing about the hobgoblins in my books, a race of ugly little selfish lazy creatures, rather like the 'Aye-aye' in appearance but with wings.


A large hall with stage, filled with joyous political supporters, flags, music, singing, banners, balloons, party bangers, confetti. Triumphant musical trumpets introduce OEDIOUSPELUS as he makes his way through the crowd to the stage. Supporters and sponsors congratulating, shaking his hand. PLAGAMUS stands in the way to the stage, OEDIOUSPELUS makes his way over to him slowly. OEDIOUSPELUS gets to PLAGAMUS and they shake hands.

Congratulations! Even better than before! What a surprise.

PLAGAMUS moves closer, heads almost touching in loud noisy celebrations.

Just as well otherwise...

PLAGAMUS cuts the hand shaking and gives a stilted laugh. OEDIOUSPELUS and PLAGAMUS wave to the crowd, who are now singing their political party anthem. OEDIOUSPELUS and PLAGAMUS stand up on the stage, OEDIOUSPELUS stands behind the podium, PLAGAMUS behind him, to his right. OEDIOUSPELUS quietens the crowd with arm movements.

People of Atlantis! People of our Great Race and Nation! I want to thank you all for your support in these last historical months. And tonight, tonight you did yourselves and your nation proud!

Cheers errupt from the crowd.


Dramatic pause, OEDIOUSPELUS looks around the large hall.

It is not enough to vote for me…

Crowd is silent, flags stop waving.

We must do more than vote, we must fight! We must fight this ‘unseen’ enemy which even now sought to disrupt such an auspicious day as today. They dared to strike us on such a day! They dared to strike us on our most reverent day! A few moments ago, as you heard, we were once again attacked, in our own place of knowledge, the Main Library. In the heart of our own dear city! We must fight back! We must conquer this ‘unseen’ threat which lies within! We must seek them out and destroy them! But even that is not enough! No! It is not enough! It is not enough to conquer! It is not enough to destroy! We must create the good, nurture the good, so that this evil cannot return!

Crowd errupts in euphoric joy and applause. PLAGAMUS moves closer to a waving OEDIOUSPELUS.

Now we must go see the Auditor.

Easy, now. First the inauguration.

“Oh, yes, of course.

OEDIOUSPELUS and PLAGAMUS continue waving to the noisy crowd.


From noise to silence. A large cave, some lighting on the walls, the cave filled with young hobgoblins standing around, squabbling, fighting, farting, picking noses. KAILEN is standing on a high rock, with his Generals behind him, shuffling around.

Welcome my fellow hobgoblins!

More farts and some jeers from the crowd.

As you know, my name is Kailen, Lord Kailen, your king and master!

More jeers and burps from the crowd.

If you were expecting a glorious and stupendous speech today, then you will be disapppointed. Just as disappointed with the rest of your miserable little lives. You’re young, you’ll learn!

The crowd quietens down a little.

We are an oppressed race! We are nothing! We are slaves to those in power! And don’t you forget it.


Every day of your depressing little lives is without freedom, without hope.

KAILEN looks around the room, now filled with young hobgoblins listening to his speech.

You are the new blood! You are the new force of our race! You are nothing! But as nothing, you can be something! You can do your duty! You can serve your time! And you can look for that inch of a chance, that millimetre of an opportunity…to hit back! Obey, do as commanded, but take your chance, live your mischievous little lives right under the noses of those who oppress you! Sneer at them! Laugh at them! You do have something! You are a hobgoblin, no matter how subjugated, no matter how put down you are! And remember it! Remember that in your tiny veins there is hobgoblin blood, there is the blood of your ancestors, a noble race of villians and thieves who terrorised the universe! Remember!

Tiny applause. Some more farts, most hobgoblins now talking amongst themselves, scratching their bottoms, picking their noses, staring into space.

Boys? Lads?

KAILEN gets some 'yeah's from the crowd.

Just go.

The young hobgoblins slowly shuffle out, the Generals leave too. One hobgoblin stays in the cave, DRUKAN, with KAILEN.


Excuse me, sir, but where do I go?

Where everyone else goes, to the ranks.

The ranks, sir?

The army, boy, the army. Now, clear off, I’m sure I have something better to do than speak with you.

DRUKAN begrudingly starts to walk out. KAILEN stops him.

Oh, and ‘Oi’, you?

Yes, sir?

Have a nice day.

Thank you, sir.

KAILEN and DRUKAN leave the cave separately.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Script Scene 3 - 'Rage'

I really have to start putting finger to keyboard again and transfer my books to scripts. They're very 'open' as books, they allow the reader to use their own schemata to colour the story, but as scripts the story shines through.
Here's Scene 3 from 'Rage'. I'll consider any offers :-)~


Camera zooms down through the clouds from last scene, celebrations in Atlantis can be seen, with crowds, a few fireworks in the day, but the camera moves on, onto a beach filled with empty deckchairs. SIPHO is walking towards a secure terminal situated on the end of a low pier carrying a bucket of fish. KANG DEE the dolphin, with a small translation and voice box stuck to her head, can be seen swimming around the same area and camera closes in when SIPHO enters his code into the terminal.

Phew! I’m so tired I could watch a dog grow.

SIPHO sits down on the chair next to the terminal, only to feel the claw of a Blue Land crab on his behind. SIPHO grabs the crab and throws it into the deeper water by the pier. KANG DEE flops onto the end of the low pier, SIPHO smiles, and throws KANG DEE a fish from the bucket.

(clickety click) What’s up, Sipho? Life’s pushing you too hard?

KANG DEE flaps his tail in the water, SIPHO relaxes back in his chair.

No, not really. It’s just…the menial tasks, you know, they get to you.
The paperwork, the duties, the quadrilateral quantum ratios...

A seagull screeches overhead, both SIPHO and KANG DEE look up. The beach is deserted. SIPHO presses buttons on the terminal, checking figures and watching a holographic prediction of how the Dome defence system would work. The report’s results show 96% efficiency.

That would be 13.41 years. Give or take.


Dog life expectancy, that is.

Oh, right, really? That long?
How do you know that?

Just because I spend my day eating fish and talking to my bull and kids, doesn’t mean I don’t know a thing or two. You never lose it, you know, not even after 20 million years of devolution.


SIPHO shuts the terminal down and turns his chair to face KANG DEE.

Have you checked on the Leths?

Of course I have. They’re a bit sleepy at the moment, maybe I should cut back on their rations.

Some distant dolphins sounds come from the water behind in the bay. KANG DEE turns to the sound.

Oh, my family. They’re calling. Sorry.
Can I go, boss?


KANG DEE swims away, waving at SIPHO on her back and disappears. SIPHO locks up the terminal, stands up and watches the water. SIPHO gets splashed by KANG DEE.


Sorry. Habit.

A huge explosion in Atlantis makes SIPHO jump, and ripples the water. Camera quickly moves to celebrating crowd outside the Main Library, huge explosion, people shocked, back to the beach, still large sound, then picture of world, can hear a ‘fish kiss’. Back on the beach, SIPHO takes out a single tubed binocular and looks through it at the city, which can be seen through the low hills of the beach.


Looks like we’ve got work to do.

SIPHO lowers the single tubed binocular, and gets splashed again by KANG DEE.

I’ll go see what the kids want, then I’ll meet you there.

KANG DEE swims off, SIPHO shakes off some water and quickly makes his way towards his parked personal coptor.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Sicknotized - stream of consciousness?

My 2nd short story has finally taken shape. I was going to call it 'Code 764', or 'Olmecian Aftermath', then I stuck to 'Forgotten'. Dull, I thought. After reading through, it has got to be called 'Sicknotized', with its strange little style, sometimes moving close to stream of consciousness, sometimes relying on dialogue, sometimes on silly thoughts. Just over 6000 words, you can find it here...
Go and have a read...please :-)

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Non-descriptive narrative is 'Good For You'

I really really really really really (enough?) hate Grisham and all those (a million clone writers) that describe things right down to the shoes and socks the characters are wearing. These writers destroy the reader's imagination, feeding their brains with 100% of information, with no room on the page to 'breathe'.
I guess my writing style is a reaction to that, writing sparse description, giving the reader almost complete control of how they 'see' the scenes/places/characters, with the reader using their own previous knowledge and schemata to fill in the details, with myself only giving essential information, and of course, the dialogue and story, which are always full of ideas and humour.

'The Bethlehem Fiasco' is the easiest to get into, as everyone has some idea of what it looks like in the book, it's hot and sandy, plus everyone already knows the story, and probably watched 'Life of Brian'.
'Man by a tree' and 'Rage of Atlantis' take about 50 pages to get into, as the worlds inside them are 'new' to the reader, but once they're 'in', they race through the fast-paced stories and say...'wow'. you know how good this 'non-descriptive narrative' is for you? Do you know how much your brain / mind will be energised? Some readers say they read a random chapter or two every day to keep (wait for it, wait for it) / creative / charged / happy / healthy / a smile on their face.

I write plays?

Finally, a comment on 'Too Dull to Die' from someone on The comment really beings home what I've suspected for quite some time now, that I write scripts or plays, and not books, in the sense of the classic 'descriptive narrative'. Re-writing Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream for the kids at school got me thinking that way too, and even when I was directing it, helping them with them with their all made me think I'm a playwright more than an author. So, still working on 'Rage' script, and have a little of 'Bethlehem Fiasco' in script, too. I must finish all 3 books as scripts/plays sometime...
Anyway, here's the comment :-)

Hi Dani, I like the story, someone who is as lost dead, as he probably was living. It is easy to read and fast paced, a little too fast paced perhaps. I think it reads too much like a play, interspersed with a few stage directions. Which is fine if it is a play! Now, I am not someone who could be bothered to wade my way through pages and pages of descriptive rubbish, I mean if a killer has crept in to murder someone in their shower, who cares what the bathroom looks like? But perhaps a little view of what 'upstairs' was like, or a bit of back story - how did he die? Where abouts did he live, to be able to live such a banal life? At the end of chapter four (as far as I got) it states 'there was so much detail...' I will read on, of course, just to see what happens, for despite what I have mentioned, I believe that overall, it is the story that counts!
Good Luck with it...

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Midsummer Night's Dream Uploaded

Yes, my simple silly light humoured 30 minute version of Midsummer Night's Dream is on the net. I haven't written it in book 'style' yet, but I have uploaded the play's script and any other details up onto a spare site slot at...
...for all those ESL teachers who need a little 'classy' school play for their groups. Nothing better than Shakespeare...except for a little bit of Godot, of course. Now, to simplify that one would be just nonsense :-)

Saturday, December 8, 2012

1st taste of Publishing...back in 2000 and something...

...I moved from teaching adults to children and noticed instantly that there was a need for more visual tools for learning English. What was on the market was crap, and the best was about 30 years old, an old series from the BBC.
A few months later, an aquaintance (the MD) of a publishing company said they had an idea to teach children English, and needed someone to write some scripts and a book. They wanted to create a short 'TV series' type product, a DVD with matching book, so I got to work, and in a month produced said scripts (with pictures of camera shots), and a rough version of a picture book. They bought the patent off me, and said I should get people together to do it. I found the children, the illustrator for the book, a company who would film the series and the puppets needed for the film and book. We were all ready to go. A few weeks went by and the MD gave the whole thing over to their own Project Manager to control. Months went by without a word. After pushing and calling and e-mailing the hell out of the publishing company, I found that they wanted me to 'proofread' a revised script, which I didn't like. At this point they hadn't paid me yet, and said if I didn't proofread it, I wouldn't get the money. I did as they asked, got the money, but knew something was wrong...
One year later, the Project was scrapped. The children thought I'd let them down, the illustrator was taken on and created the book, but not to my specifications, and looked like shit. The worst to come...a new film company was taken on, with new actors and puppets, and the standard of English pronunciation (this was meant as a learning tool) was WAY BAD, the ESL children would've done it right. They tried to re-dub it with another Englishman, but it just sounded stupid. Plus it was completely the opposite of what it should've been....BRIGHT! The puppeteers played in the dark, not the way I had planned. I finally found out that the Project Manager had given the filming and puppeteering to his FRIENDS, approximately 15,000 dollars (a LOT of money in this country, think in terms of 60,000 dollars in the USA). And HE was the only one who saw it (about 50+ people) who thought the film was good.
Just before the project was scrapped, I made 2 song videos to show what I meant, and the people who worked at the publishing company loved them and wanted to know when I would finish the whole project... the Project Manager hated them, and accused me of doing to him exactly what he'd done to me.
A couple more years, I get the copyright back...:-)

Friday, December 7, 2012

Fantastic Shakespeare Performance

Well, 23 twelve year old ESL children did a FANTASTIC job of playing my version of Midsummer Night's Dream. Okay, so it got a bit hairy at the end, one kid almost fainted when he forgot his big line "Go on, moon!", and one overzealous kid speaking their line before the others, but other than that, a very good school play. The audience were mainly quiet, the most laughs and noise came from the sword fight between Demetrius and Lysander, and when Snug played the lion, roaring and biting the 'cloak' (which was a scarf).
There were sniggers and giggles at a few jokes, but it was only at the end when the audience 'erupted' with whistles and applause (as it should be). The 23 kids were buzzing! And so they should, they put a lot of work into it. The performance was exactly 29 minutes (we've got a recording - we had 2 cameras going in 2 very expensive mobile telephones, but one was cut short by the father calling to find out when the performance was on...) and myself and the children received a ton of praise, for something which has never been done before in the school, probably the district, the city and even the country! I'm writing it up in normal DJC-style :-)

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Twitter + Shakespeare

All week I've been using Twitter, slowly adding more people I'm Following and about 50% Follow back, which is nice. So far, not many following at all, but it's a nice community, you can tweet to others, be funny, nice, sympathetic, agree (or disagree and be blocked). Doesn't sell any books, though, rather like this blog...
Tomorrow is the School Play of my version of Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream with the ESL 6th form. Who knows how it will turn out, they have enough props! No matter what, it will be the biggest, longest, hardest, and stupidest English play ever performed in this city by children, probably in this country, and perhaps even this region of Europe! And do my colleagues and bosses recognise what a BIG DEAL this all is? No. I'm trying to get someone to video it, so it won't be lost in history. There's even my immediate English boss trying to upstage me with an 8 minute 'Goldilocks and the 3 Bears'...ridiculous. I'm sure she'll get more praise from my colleagues, too. What a sad little place it is.
Still working on 'Rage' script...slowly...:-) Plus my new 'Caveman' book...

Monday, December 3, 2012

Swearing and the Swear Free Zone

I think I got called a 'dopey cunt' by a Christian Celeb on twitter, though I'm not sure because he didn't @ me. How completely Christian of him to attack someone (maybe not me, maybe someone else) who has different views to him. Plus he said 'whoever' writes 'anti-religious stuff', which if he was pointing at me, then he's wrong on that count, too. Religions, or the faith they can create are good for you, but the organisations which control them and the followers are corrupt and always will be. 'Anti-establishment stuff', yes.
I have a 'Swear Free Zone' label on all my books, not because I'm against swearing, I swear all the time, but because the books don't need swearing in them. They might also make other people with strong beliefs attack my books just for those words. There's enough in the books to attack, let alone on that count. But wouldn't the world be a better place without the NEED to swear. Unfortunately, there are idiots everywhere (including ourselves) and there are always situations in which people swear.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Script - Rage of Atlantis Scene 1

Amazon has a 'Amazon Studio' who will look at your scripts and decide whether to buy the license or not, so I've started on my 3rd book 1st, then 2nd, then 1st. 10,000 dollars if they take it up, and MUCH more if they actually decide to make it into a movie. I'll try anything once...twice...thrice :-)
Here's the 1st scene...


TELAUSIS being chased by a dark figure (IOLUS) through a moving crowd of people celebrating an election victory, with flags, balloons, drinks, dancing, happy faces. TELAUSIS looking back, stumbling, moves through a city square towards a building with large wooden doors, the City Library.

Get out of my way!

TELAUSIS pushes his way to the doors and moves the large ancient knocker on the City Library’s doors.(Bang bang bang) A few seconds of silence from inside.

We’re closed!

You think I don’t know that?! Open up!

TELAUSIS looks back, searching for the dark figure (IOLUS).

Is that you, Tela?

LEUS moves the bolts back behind the doors and one side creaks open. TELAUSIS drops through the crack, falling at LEUS’s slippered feet.

What the…?



Close the door.

LEUS pushes the door closed, keeping out the noises from outside.

Now, Leus?


Do you happen to have a copy of ‘The Fool’s Guide to defusing bombs’, by any chance? Preferably by Ivor Tickonme or Arthur Greenwire?

LEUS thinks and shuffles around in his slippers.

Mmm, I don’t recall that particular edition, no…I can do a search for you on the system? Could take a while, it’s been playing up recently.

Well, then, no, I don’t think there’s…apologies, my old friend, but run. Please run.

TELAUSIS falls unconscious, his cloak opens, revealing a small pool of blood seeping from his body, and the broken head of a barbed fishing spear penetrating his frogged blazer, On the remains of the shaft is a small timebomb and explosive. Two minutes and twenty four seconds shows on the counter. TELAUSIS opens his eyes for the last time.

And if you can’t run, shuffle.

TELAUSIS dies, LEUS is in shock, then starts to shuffle away into the City Library, away from TELAUSIS’s dead body.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Funny 'Rage' comments 'wordled'

Oh, 'how I love 'wordle'. I have just enough comments now to pick out the 'adjectives' used by those who've read 'Rage of Atlantis' to 'wordle' them. Here goes...looks like the main consensus is that it's FUNNY.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

'Universe' Principle

Just listening to Marilyn Manson's 'Holy Wood' again, and realised this was the album I was listening to the most when I wrote 'Rage of Atlantis'. For myself, there's a 'Universe' Principle hidden in there, that it doesn't care, no matter what you do, who you are, it doesn't care. That's why, hidden under the fun mixed up detective story of 'Rage' there's raw violence, uncaring orders, selfish whims, unbelievably inhumane ideas, with no care of the consequences to others.
...Saying this, those who've read it say it's great!

Monday, November 26, 2012

Midsummer Nights Dream, Dani style + Fish shit

2 weeks to go for the performance of a simplified ESL Midsummer Nights Dream, the kids know their lines (mostly), but acting...well...what do you expect from reluctant 12 year-olds. Putting acting into the!
When they're done, I'm going to write it all up like a book. Why not? It's a great laugh, and it's Shakespeare!

On another note, my youngest finally named our biggest fish...Shit, due to the amount he produces. It makes great lines..."Look, Dad, Shit's swimming backwards."..."Really?", or "Shit's upsetting that other fish."..."Well, it would, wouldn't it."

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Here, fishy, fishy

Yes, an extract again from 'Rage', the part with the "You humans live in shallow waters" (page 139).
We really do. We're just out of the trees, and some us have already gone back.

It was dark, she had some kind of textile over her head, probably a black cloth sack of some description. She was also in water, though not much, just enough to keep her skin wet. What did she remember? Something hard and heavy had hit her head, there was pain, and that was all. She had no idea where she was or when it was, but whoever had done this to her wasn't exactly intelligent or knew about dolphins. She made some clicks and her biosonar ability mapped out what was a small almost empty room. A short human was in the room.
"Where am I?"
"Hello, fishy."
"Where am I?" Whoever it was, they didn't want to communicate. It was a young voice.
"Here, fishy, fishy." With her biosonar she saw that the young voiced human was dangling a fish in front of her nose.
"Tell me where I am." Kang Dee got hit over the head with something hard.
"And I am not a fish." She received another sharp hard hit to the head.
"You humans live in shallow waters."
"Ehh?" This human wasn't smart, he didn't know a dolphin swear when he heard one. Or it meant that he was as young as his voice, too young to have any knowledge of her culture.
"Where am I?"
"Here, fishy, fishy."

Satan on the toilet (Rage of Atlantis)

The word 'toilet' appears 18 times in 'Rage', more than the word 'squirrel' (once).
Thought I'd just show the beginning of the 'row' between God and Satan here...(page 235)

“These monkeys have gone too far!” God had forgotten about someone. “Where’s Satan?”
“He said he had something important to do…”
“…I’ll give him ‘important’!” God made a call. “This is God. I need a code 365 on angel 666. Yes, code 365.” God listened for a while. “Yes, I know it’ll cost. Yes, a lot! I know I can’t ask for another until the next installment! Just do it!” He put the communicator down and they all waited. Gabriel and Audrey didn’t know what they were waiting for. Suddenly there was a small explosion and a cloud of smoke over to the right. When the smoke settled, a bemused Satan was sitting on a toilet, reading a comic.
“Err, hello?” He closed the comic and tried to look as relaxed as you could while sitting on a toilet in front of three people. 
“Hello, Satan. Long time, no see.”
“I’m sure there could have been a better time for this.” Satan showed that he was on the toilet.
“What are you doing?”
“A number two.” Gabriel and Audrey could sense it, and waved the air around.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Pet hates

Someone gave me a short interview the other, it wasn't book related, unfortunately.
They didn't ask me the one question I wanted to ask...what are my pet hates?
Exactly. Pets, or rather people with pets. Enslaved creatures taken out of their natural environments, bred to fit our lives, to give us pleasure and joy for our own selfish needs.
Yes, okay, I have fish, but what my partner didn't realise when I said I'd like an aquarium is that I meant one without fish, just a nice colourful waterworld with bubbles...and no fish. So I feed them once a day, clean them out every so, do fish poo...and see if they live. Some prosper, some die.
But dog owners...I'll leave that for another post, I might even write an esay on it.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Comment on 'Too Dull to Die' on authonomy!

FINALLY after days of screaming on, someone writes a comment.
Looks like they like it :-) Of course, it needs a little tidying up, but doesn't everything?

Emma L.H....

Dani, how this book has had so little attention on here, is a mystery to me. I love it! It's fresh, your writing is crisp and the humour throughout had me sniggering like a loony several times. I particularly liked the references to the light tunnel and jaffa cakes- brilliant!

Guido is a great MC. He's very believable in his mannerisms, speech, actions and thoughts. What a shame he happened to die when he did- poor bloke. That cruise might have sorted him out a bit! Graham- aka- Grim Reaper is a great character and you've made a good introduction to snarky Peter. I think your strong point is dialogue. It flows beautifully and not once did it sound forced or stilted- good job, there.

I did notice a few nit picks; hope they can be of help:

I don't think you need 'first adventure' and 'only adventure'. It's a bit redundant; they're both the same thing, really. I think 'first adventure' should be the one to go. 'Only adventure' has more of an impact.

"Good day to you, and Welcome!
Welcome shouldn't be capitalised.

"Err, no...
This should be 'Er' (one 'R').

Some of your paragraphs could do with a tidy. You have someone speaking and someone else thinking, etc, in the same paragraph, sometimes. It can be a little confusing. Also, I think the closing sentence of the first chapter, beginning, 'Peter shooed them away...' is a bit weak. After reading this, I know you could have come up with a better ending to chapter one- you're a great writer- and it just doesn't really fit. End it on a comical note or with a little hint or twist of what is to come. There's not a bit enough hook to entice the reader to continue the way it is.

Dani, there really isn't much more I can say. You've got a fantastic book here and I will be shelving it when I have space on my shelf. Why not join a genre group on the forums? It'll get you more reads, and this definitely needs to get noticed. For now, highly starred and I wish you all the best with this. Well done.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Reality is more unbelievable than fiction

True story: An acquaintance rented his flat out, the tenants didn't pay for months, they didn't pay anything. After trying to get his money, he finally changes the locks and takes back his flat. What happens?
The police arrest him and he gets 1/2 a day in jail, and if he tries it again, he could get 3 years.
In Hungary, the law is on the side of the tenant, no matter if they're in the wrong.
He has to go through the courts to get them out and that'll take a year or more. And that might not even work.
Video: starts at 11:45 (in Hungarian)

Speeding: I never drive over the speed limit, though I see tons of idiots breaking all the rules they can in this busy city every day and yet not get caught. I was on a quiet empty straight country road, tired and following another car, only to realise after 10 seconds that I was breaking the speed limit, so I slowed down  - after 10 seconds of 'speeding'. Guess who got fined?
The injustice in this country is unbelievable.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Just an observation...

A few months ago, at one of the thousands of festivals and celebration days in the summer, I had to wait while my daughters finished whatever craftwork they were doing at the time. While I was there, everyone heard a conversation between a couple and a woman with two children. The woman had no partner and the couple were trying to matchmake her to a friend of theirs. It was clear after 10 minutes that this guy they were describing was a self-centred, fat, balding git with a hint of paedophilia/bisexiality with his too-frequent trips to Bangkok and other dodgy Asian cities. The woman was umming and erring until they mentioned his quite 'handsome' salary. She took his number. This conversation is going in 'The Puncher', the story of some crazed idiot, roaming the streets.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Looking for 3000 hits...

Just 20 to go for 3000's been a while since I've posted.
Slowly writing up 'Forgotten', which is about a wingless angel in an insane asylum, and putting ideas together for 'The Puncher'. These two will be short stories/novelettes to go with 'Too Dull to Die', and I'll publish it once it's done, 3 short stories in one book.
'Too Dull to Die' is a linear 'Martin Freeman'-type story, slightly absurd.
'Forgotten' is a slightly linear mixed-style story.
'The Puncher' will be strange, some stream of consciousness method mixed with the usual.
So, that's the news ATM.
Oh, and please go and read 'Too Dull to Die', it's all (yes, ALL) available to read on at...
Thanks :-)

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

FULL 1st novelette on

Full 1st novelette on at...

Please come and read it, only 13000 words :-)
Comment if you can, I'd like a few on the back of the book.
As you can see from the cover, it says "Too Dull to Die ...and other stories". Yes, I'm working on those .-)

Sunday, November 11, 2012

1st novelette on jottify (7 parts out of 12)

Finally put my 1st novelette somewhere, the first 7 parts out of 12 to 'wet your appetites'
Please go and have a look :-)

Friday, November 9, 2012

Waiting for Godot Stoppard influence

Yes, I knew Waiting for Godot was a huge influence on my 3 books, but I've started reading it again (not far in), and the influence is so obvious.
First, the genre. The Theatre of the Absurd...says it all really...repetitions, clich├ęs, a sense of 'nothing'...
Second....a Tragicomedy....all books run this line, with my extra of a happy/not-so-happy ending to give a sense of closure.
Third, there are direct lines which say it all...
"People are bloody ignorant apes"....well, there ya go, in all the books...
"...we had to the tree"....two people waiting by the tree....'Man by a tree'...yet another reason why the title.
I'm sure once I go further into the play (yet again), I'll find more and more comparisons and connections, as I luv this genre. I'll keep you posted.

Friday, November 2, 2012

No news from the big competition :-(

As it says, so I guess my novelette wasn't good enough for them. I'll put the whole thing on next week, I'll put the link up here, and let's see what people think. When I've done the 4th book...writing it in November, then editing until it's done....I'll add the novelette to that. Maybe the 4th book won't be 50k, who knows. Will continue on, see how it goes...
Bit sad, really, just shows me that publishers and editors have expectations already written in their heads. One guy on said he'd been to a conference where a group of editors were read out the first sentences of 'promising' unpublished novels. The authors read out the sentences, and not one author was allowed to finish, because the editors hated them all, even after the first half-sentence!
Woolf had to self-publish, look where her work is now. I'm sure we could all name tons more who did the same.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

NaNoWrimo 2012 1st anniversary

Well, it's started again! 50,000 words in one month. I started writing exactly 1 year ago, so I guess it's my 1st anniversary! Where's the cake?
3 books, 1 novelette (waiting for news on the competition, then I'll publish it) , and a huge idea for a great new book for NaNoWrimo, 3 main characters, 1 crazy (The Puncher), 1 not so crazy (Graham the grim reaper), the other just plain nuts (The Forgiven, yes, no 2nd novelette, but a player in the 4th book). A crazy triangle.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

'Rage of Atlantis' review!

Got a review of my 3rd book 'Rage of Atlantis' on!
See! Definitely one for the boys!

5.0 out of 5 stars A serious detective story with a twist of parody, October 14, 2012
by zoltang

This review is from: The Rage of Atlantis (Paperback)
The latest effort from Dani is an interesting book. It melts a detective story with parody and very serious issues, creating a coherent style which you should be familiar with from the other two books in the series.
The well executed detective storyline pulls you in the center of the events and makes the book difficult to put down. All the while some very serious issues are brought up which eerily remind us of the world we are currently living in. But don't worry, the sometimes dark themes are well balanced with elements of parody so reading is a joy. If you enjoyed this book be sure to check out the other two from the series. And let's hope we can learn from our mistakes and not repeat the events of The Rage of Atlantis.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

New stuff - cheerful tone

Well, I put the intro to my 1st novelette, 'Too Dull to Die' on a forum in and I got one bite, about foreshadowing and one 'confusion' of heads. Nothing, really, except the person liked my 'cheerful tone'. Still waiting for November...who knows...fingers crossed on winning something.
The 2nd novelette...finally got a chance to write down a few ideas I've had for a while, namely 'The Puncher'. That could even be made into a movie, just that one character :-) Anyway, writing it all down, see where I get...

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Respect to John Donne "Death be not Proud"

Just love John Donne, and I'd love to hear his stuff in Shakespeare's OP (Original Pronunciation)! Now that would be something, to finally get rid of the stuffy pompous Shakespeare actor 'recitals' of his work! Even those actors trying out the 'new' OP still stick too much to the past and speak in RP for half the performance. Go South-West!
'Man by a tree' is basically respect to John Donne. And Day 4 Part 12 is 'The Flea', have a read... :-)

I’m in love.”
What?” Sniff looked around the dull grey area and spotted the figure Grint had his eyes fixated on. That’s not love you’re feeling.”
Oh, she’s so beautiful.” Sniff tried to focus in on the immaculately dressed ghost standing behind the desk.
“Yes, she does have a certain classic look about her, doesn’t she?” He looked at his companion, then waved his hand in front of him to try and break the spell. Nothing doing. Grint gave a big sigh. Sniff took the time to survey this grey area.
“So this is the ‘inbetween’? Not much to it, thought it was meant to be wild, from all accounts. Not really happening for me.” Sniff took a perch on the sofa’s arm, followed by Grint. Sniff tried to break the spell again.
“Oh dear.” Sniff delved into Grint’s hair and picked out a flea. “This is the only way your blood will mix.” He flicked it in the general direction of the woman.
Ehh?” Grint momentarily came back to the unliving.
“I said…Oh, never mind. ‘Mark but this, and mark in this…” The woman made a sudden move, slamming her hand down on the desk, making both Sniff and Grint jump with a start. She scooped up something small with a sweep of her hand and made a popping sound between two fingernails.
Ah. Love denied, cruel and sudden.” Sniff expected Grint’s expression to change in light of this misfortune. It didn’t. There was still a dumb love in his eyes.
“I hope he’s not in there long, I don’t think I can take much more of this.” Sniff tried to make himself as comfortable as possible.
The woman behind the desk cleaned the flea off her nails with a tissue and placed it in the bin. She could definitely smell rotten fish.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Recap of Books

Just finished a big essay...least I think it's finished, spent enough time on it.
Okay, so, to recap.
Book 1 - 'Man by a tree' - it's about death / life / immortality us humans think we have
Book 2 - 'The Bethlehem Fiasco' - it's about organisations which ask you to follow / the followers
Book 3 - 'The Rage of Atlantis' - it's about politics / prejudice / ignorance
There will soon also be a short book with 2 novelettes available...
Novelette 1 - TDX2 (Too Dull to Die) - a short adventure based on 'A Christmas Carol'
Novelette 2 - The Forgotten (work in progress) - internal monologue of a forgotten angel
Still got a few essays to write, though...

Monday, October 15, 2012

Full Short story 'Stream of Consciousness'

So, my first go at the 'stream of consciousness' in full. Probably won't do much of this, but it was fun.
"Never Forget"

what is that sound like some plane in the sky so blue yet those clouds moving so quick I see a dog last time I did this school where are they all now Gaz might be famous what have I done I done nothing I’m a waster wasted my life get up do something what’s the point a shark big teeth gone now wind’s picking up cold breeze from somewhere maybe it’s time zip up my coat where is she she said she’d come can’t trust any of ’em rest enjoy just relax when do I get the chance to do this coffee would be nice KFC past a KFC in the street can’t be bothered no money anyway work work and no money where does it what’s that noise a dolphin that’s a nice one oh look is that her no not her too tall walking away shit relax she said she would relax hungry cheese sandwich lasagne canteen bloody awful cold hard women in uniform not for me no old way too old yuck she’s the one I is that her could be hang on no damn sun’s out hot nice I’ll wait a little more no hurry might rain no it might rain then what umbrella damn had one left it at home shit why don’t I think she’s here wow looks good smiling that walk jesus that smile better get up no
“Hey.” her hair great smell I can smell her wow windy perfume strong warm face wow touch lips warm sweet she’s great longer hot so hot that smile kills her eyes so brown deep love clouds heart I see a heart a big heart she’s great
“What’ya doing?”
cinema plaza streets pizza ground no not that plaza show her off jesus her face smooth to touch smile oh god kiss now yes plaza colours shops look in windows meet the lads show her off yes grab her come on hold her warm breeze cold on back take her there her hand’s so warm
“Where we going?”
“Come on.”
where's he taking me going the right direction he's okay hope we're going there looks like it good I look good two hours in the mirror mum didn't see creep in later going to the Plaza great maybe just maybe that's why I'm here guy's a dope what's he look like can I take this yes we're going there a chance to see him he might be there I hope he's there definitely the Plaza nothing else 'cept the pizza place too early to eat unless he's could be bored so bored smile quick good Plaza yes the Plaza is he here is he
"Come on, me mate's around here somewhere."
so good she looks great where are they at the games shop usually or watching the screens upstairs her smile happy feel full good not hungry people all these who are they can't see them at the shop look around tugging what shoes right shoes girl that's okay know nothing about them nod yes whatever stay by me I know them girls saw us great together they saw us do they know don't ask weak smile yes nod come on come on shoes red black green green god no how much moving away fantastic shoes boring looking smile those girls whispering she looks away what she embarassed what of me she embarassed of me what the kiss oh yeah feels good lucky lucky me that smile light happy where what oh me mates where are they escalator messing she's fun looks good and fun what more me mates great haven't seen us Jon turned hey turned back what's that a huddle what's going on she looks good wow her face alive wow so pretty smile hit me big smile
good start feel great smiling smiling look around don't focus look at Buddy more yes good glance at him don't stare Taz oh Taz my heart god so fast excited sweating he looked he looked he looked what can I do let go no wait time time to move I'm here now it's enough wait just wait
"What'ya doing, guys?"
"Nuthin' much."
he's got a girl shit that one's good wouldn't mind it she's looking hey that ain't right she wants it am I do I what the yeah why not Buddy get over it sure worth it dunno again she's at it again big smile jesus yes why not he don't deserve I do I'm the man yes shut up Bud set him up get him out of here what think look at her yeah look
"I'm thirsty."
"Wanna drink?"
gone good look at him smile big smile the best working he's looking where is he gone good
"Guys, go get a drink."
where are they she where is she what me mates where are me mates me girl where shit what Taz no Taz no mates girl where's me girl cold this drink go no one sees me good go shit shit why what happened what am I gonna do me mates where tastes bad empty so empty

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Stream of Consciousness

I've been wanting to try some 'stream of consciousness' for ages, though I had to do a bit of research. Have a read, the beginning of a short story...

what is that sound like some plane in the sky so blue yet those clouds moving so quick I see a dog last time I did this school where are they all now Gaz might be famous what have I done I done nothing I’m a waster wasted my life get up do something what’s the point a shark big teeth gone now wind’s picking up cold breeze from somewhere maybe it’s time zip up my coat where is she she said she’d come can’t trust any of ’em rest enjoy just relax when do I get the chance to do this coffee would be nice KFC past a KFC in the street can’t be bothered no money anyway work work and no money where does it what’s that noise a dolphin that’s a nice one oh look is that her no not her too tall walking away shit relax she said she would relax hungry cheese sandwich lasagne canteen bloody awful cold hard women in uniform not for me no old way too old yuck she’s the one I is that her could be hang on no damn sun’s out hot nice I’ll wait a little more no hurry might rain no it might rain then what umbrella damn had one left it at home shit why don’t I think she’s here wow looks good smiling that walk jesus that smile better get up no
“Hey.” her hair great smell I can smell her wow windy perfume strong warm face wow touch lips warm sweet she’s great longer hot so hot that smile kills her eyes so brown deep love clouds heart I see a heart a big heart she’s great
“What’ya doing?”
“Nothin’” cinema plaza streets pizza ground no not that plaza show her off jesus her face smooth to touch smile oh god kiss now yes plaza colours shops look in windows meet the lads show her off yes grab her come on hold her warm breeze cold on back take her there her hand’s so warm
“Where we going?”
“Come on.”

Friday, October 12, 2012


This word keeps popping up, yes, I write whimsically because if I write seriously, I'd just fall over laughing or break down crying. Who needs serious books when all you have to do is turn on the news and see all the stupid real happenings which us monkeys do to each other? You need an escape, and I hope my books can do that for ya.
Got a comment on authonomy for MBAT...
Excellent, diabolical, funny stuff! I love your imagery and the dark whimsy of your work. Nicely crafted and well polished. Six stars! Best of luck with this!
Yes, it's diabolical, I sometimes think of 'Carry on' movies when I'm writing, everyone loved them at one moment or another. The Black and White films were the best.
And I found out the other day that a 10 year old kid is reading my 3rd book 'Rage of Atlantis', he doesn't understand the politics but he loves Sipho's story. Hope he can finish, for the sake of Sipho :-)

Monday, October 8, 2012

Revamped 2nd part from MBAT for competition

Well, I had a go at re-writing a small piece from 'Man by a tree' for a competition (644 words). Sharper, hopefully more 'bare', and it fits within the 800 word limit.


Two cars totally trashed, a head-on collision in the pouring rain. One carried a mother with her daughters, the other a middle-aged businessman. The paramedics had reached the scene quickly, but could do nothing for them. They were still trying to breathe life into the mother when the strange man appeared.
Mingling with the passers-by who braved the storm for a few moments, he watched the more blood-curious moving closer to the mangled metal for a better view. The victims, now in shock, hovered towards him.
“Don’t worry, everything will be all right. This is not the end, only the continuation of your eternal flow.”
The mother held onto her children, drifting in a daze towards him. The middle-aged businessman, in a suit and tie, also began to move in his direction.
“Where are you going?” The strange man held his palm up.
“To…I’m…” said the suit, stopping in his tracks.
“Overtaking, were you? On a road where it’s forbidden? See that unbroken white line, it’s there for a reason... and I guess you were speeding too, huh?”
The suit stood still.
“What’s wrong with speeding? I do it all the time.”
“Sorry, I’m not taking you, you’re not on my list. Speeding, it shows a complete lack of respect.” The strange man glanced over to the roadside signalling the man aside. “There are others who will come for you.”
The suit was carrying something in his right hand.
Is that what I think it is?” The strange man pointed to the black object held in the suit’s hand, a mobile phone. Definitely not taking you.”
No sooner said, they heard a jabbering of tongues and fluttering of wings. The others had come to do their work.
“Hey, they’re so cute.” The suit greeted the little creatures as they flew around him. “Hello,” he said, as he gave them a smile. The next moment, the suit fell to the ground, feet roped up, and was being dragged off into the dark, dismal night.
“Hey! What? Hey!…Help!”
There were selfish monkeys like this everywhere around the world, doing whatever they wished with no regard for their fellow man. Perhaps they all took a questionnaire which allowed them to act this way, preferably a ‘Yes/No’ questionnaire, as that was all their self-centred little brains could handle.
“And do you… steal subordinates ideas and suggestions and take them as your own in the next board meeting?”
“Why, yes.”
“…Drive like an idiot with little or no regard for the law or fellow drivers?”
“Of course, yes.”
“…Take a hugely inflated salary with no qualms, knowing full well that it is undeserved, that what you do for it does not qualify it?”
“How do you think I got here today?”
“Please, yes or no.”
“Do you sign a job description and take full responsibility for your actions and decisions?”
“No, that’s quite absurd.”
“Do you pass on responsibility to anyone else regardless of who they are, if your actions and decisions create a problem?”
“Yes. Isn’t that my job?”
“Please, I’m asking the questions here…Do you treat your fellow colleagues and subordinates with the respect they deserve?”
“Congratulations, you’ve got the job! Here’s your inflated salary, a pass to the executive washroom, and your Audi keys.”
The four of them stood there as the the suit disappeared feet first and the scene unfolded with paramedics and other services completing their gruesome but honourable duties. The strange man opened up a portal.
“You’ll soon be home.”
The mother and her family had now changed shape and remembered their original goal, they were ready to return. Two angels came down through the portal and took the three souls in their arms, leading them into the light.
As the portal closed, the strange man took one final look. Shrugging his coat tight on his shoulders, he turned and left.