Lucky strike for excerpt 5! Satan and Lucifer in a restaurant. The funny thing about this is (really?) is that this happened in real life with beer. They'd run out of half pint glasses and only had pints. I only wanted a half but they wouldn't pour half into a full pint glass because I could've been an inspector...get that.
"Excuse me?" Satan clicked his
fingers together and Lucifer tried to disappear. The waiter took his time
coming over.
"Yes...sir?"
"I'd like a soup."
"A soup, sir?"
"Yes. You do have them, don't
you?"
"This is a restaurant, sir, we have
soup. See?" The waiter pointed to some now empty tables filled with bowls
of brimming hot soup, untouched.
"Yes, I see. That's a lot of uneaten
soup."
"Yes, sir."
"I'd like a thick, creamy, mushroom
soup. And you, Luci?" Lucifer was halfway off the table, trying to escape.
"Me? Oh, err, onion, onion
soup."
The waiter jotted it down on his pad.
"Small portions. Don't want to put on
any more weight." Satan gave his infamous smile.
"I'm sorry, sir, the small portions
are all sold out today. We only have large portions left."
"Oh." Satan looked at Lucifer.
"I can see the logic in that."
Lucifer pointed at all the empty tables.
"Oh, okay, we'll have large portions,
then."
"Absolutely, sir. Would you like a
drink, sir?"
"Why? You offering?"
The waiter paused for a moment and left
with the soup order. Satan got back to his story.
"Anyway, where was I?"
"Being irritating."
